Pillow Talks

Lately, we’ve been hearing from so many of you in our DMs. People are telling us they feel guilty wanting pleasure. Ashamed for craving closeness.

Disconnected from their bodies and their partners because the world feels overwhelming, violent, and unstable.

Others have told us they know their relationship matters, but caring about their sex life feels hard when so much is happening globally.

Many of you feel less present, less motivated, and more anxious, and it’s showing up directly in your connection.

In today’s episode, we’re talking about what to do when the weight of the world makes intimacy feel impossible.

This conversation is not about ignoring reality.

It’s about learning how to stay grounded, emotionally available, and connected so you can actually show up for your life, your values, and your relationship.

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:


How constant exposure to distressing news and social media keeps your nervous system stuck in survival mode.


Why stress and anxiety don’t just affect your mood, but directly impact desire, arousal, and presence.


The moral pressure many people feel to put their relationship on pause during hard times.


Holding awareness of the world while still caring for your relationship.


How physical connection helps regulate your nervous system and bring you back into your body.


Simple ways to shift from overwhelm to meaningful, local connection and action.


Practical rituals for staying connected when everything feels heavy.


Why staying close to your partner can actually make you more effective and resilient.

If you’ve been wondering how to care about your relationship when things feel dark or hopeless, this episode is for you.

🔗 Links & Resources

✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun.

The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9!

👉🏻 Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark

Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD

Testosterone is one of those topics that feels loaded.

It’s tangled up in masculinity, aging, sex drive, energy, mood… and a whole lot of misinformation. Because of that, many men quietly wonder if something is off — but feel embarrassed, unsure, or afraid to even ask the question.

So today, we’re having a very real conversation.

In this episode, Xander is sharing his personal testosterone journey — what made him start asking questions, the concerns he had before doing anything, what the actual process looked like, and how it’s impacted everything from his energy and mood to sex and our relationship.

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:


The early symptoms that made Xander realize something wasn’t right.


Why sobriety played a surprising role in recognizing his baseline energy.


What functional medicine actually is (and how it differs from traditional care).


Why many men never get tested for testosterone through primary care.


The problem with “normal” testosterone ranges in the U.S.


What lifestyle changes he tried first — and why they weren’t enough.


The different treatment options (creams, Clomid, injections) and how each felt.


What it’s really like to inject testosterone.


How his testosterone levels changed over time.


What it actually costs — and whether insurance covers it.


Honest answers to the most common fears and side effects.

We get into the stuff men are usually too embarrassed to ask out loud.

This isn’t medical advice. It is one person’s honest experience navigating low testosterone, functional medicine, and treatment options — the good, the uncomfortable, and the unexpected.

🔗 Links & Resources

✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun.

The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9!

👉🏻 Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark

Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR

==========================

Use code PILLOWTALKS at checkout to get 10% discount of the Tabu Sex Pillow ➡︎https://vmtherapy.com/pillow

If the thought of scheduling sex makes you cringe a little… we get that a lot.

You might be thinking..

“Ugh. That’s so unromantic.” or… “NOT hot.” or… “If we have to schedule it, something must be wrong with our relationship.”

We’re here to today to give you our hot take on our favorite controversial relationship topic. And yes… we’re going to try to change your mind.

In this episode, we’re breaking down the biggest myths about scheduling sex, what scheduled intimacy really means (and doesn’t mean), and the practical ways to make it feel exciting instead of like something else on your to-do list.

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:


Why “spontaneous sex” is one of the biggest myths we buy into.


How scheduling sex can actually reduce stress, pressure, and anxiety.


What scheduling can do for couples with mismatched desire (especially responsive desire).


Why having sex earlier in the evening can completely change your sex life.


How to build anticipation without feeling awkward or forced.


The “bare minimum” approach that makes sex dates feel doable (even on low-energy days).


Why taking turns leading sex dates helps both partners feel cared for.


The simple mindset shift that turns scheduling sex into something you look forward to.

Spoiler: scheduling sex doesn’t replace spontaneity. For many couples, it actually creates more of it.

🔗 Links & Resources

✨ The Spark… because a little spark goes a long way

We just launched a $9/month digital drop for couples who want to stay connected, curious, and very into each other — without overthinking it.

Sweet dates. Spicy dates. Conversation starters. One new position each month. It’s kind of a no-brainer.

👉 Check out The Spark right here : vmtherapy.com/spark

Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW

Use code PILLOWTALKS at checkout to get 10% discount. ➡︎https://vmtherapy.com/pillow

Most marriage regrets don’t show up as explosive fights. They show up quietly.

Feeling more like roommates than partners.

Wondering when sex started feeling complicated… or nonexistent.

Noticing resentment creeping in and asking yourself… “Is this just how marriage is supposed to feel?”

In today’s episode, we’re getting into the marriage regrets and mistakes people hold close to their chests… but rarely say out loud.

We’re sharing real stories pulled from Instagram, Reddit, and our own marriage, along with practical ways to prevent these regrets from becoming permanent patterns.

Whether you’re married, partnered, or thinking about your future relationship, this conversation is for you.

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:


Why not setting boundaries with extended family can quietly damage a marriage.


How rejection (real or imagined) can shut people down sexually — and what to do instead.


What happens when you lose your individual identity inside a relationship.


Why work, logistics, and kids so often crowd out connection.


How couples get stuck sexually when growth feels threatening instead of exciting.


Why ignoring sexual incompatibility doesn’t make it go away.


The underrated importance of fun — and what happens when it disappears.

Ready For A Relationship Reset?

And if this episode hits close to home, you’re not alone.

We’ve had moments of doubt in our own relationship — and one of the most helpful things we’ve learned is the power of intentionally hitting refresh together, especially at the start of a new year.

It’s not too late to join New Year, New Us: 21-Day Relationship Refresh.

You only need 5 minutes a day (with the option to go deeper if you want).

Here’s how it works:


Each week starts with a short audio lesson to set the theme.


You’ll get 21 daily reset questions — one per day — to reflect on individually, then share with your partner.


The focus is clarity, connection, and getting out of autopilot.

We break it down into 3 weeks, 3 focus areas:


Week 1: Reflect on the past year together.


Week 2: Connection refresh — design your dream relationship.


Week 3: Sex refresh — reignite desire and intimacy.

You can move at your own pace — and yes, you can still join.

👉 Sign up now at https://vmtherapy.com/newyear

Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

Penis performance issues are way more common than most people realize… and way more misunderstood than they need to be.

Today’s episode came straight from your questions — from trouble getting or keeping an erection, to finishing too quickly (or not at all), to the stress, shame, and “what does this mean about us?” thoughts that sneak in — we’re breaking it all down.

This episode is about understanding what’s happening, supporting your partner with compassion, and learning how to navigate these moments in a way that brings you closer — not further apart.

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:


What commonly causes penis performance issues — and why it’s rarely just one thing.


Whether long-term porn use can affect erection quality or performance.


If masturbating “too often” can actually create problems.


How stress, anxiety, and aging can impact erections (and why it’s not a personal failure).


The connection between low testosterone and ED — and how to navigate it when a partner refuses treatment.


Whether circumcision has any link to penis performance issues.


How to bring up concerns about ED with a partner who doesn’t seem to recognize there’s an issue.


What these challenges mean emotionally — and what they don’t say about attraction, masculinity, or your relationship.


How to approach the conversation with compassion instead of pressure or panic.

🔗  Links + Resources🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Taking the pressure off intercourse can help a lot. The Ultimate Foreplay Guides help couples expand what counts as sex, reduce performance anxiety, and build pleasure and connection (without relying on erections to lead the way).

It’s our #1 best-selling and best-reviewed guide for a reason.

Click right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

❤️ Ready to reconnect?

Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back).

Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever.

👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys

Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

==========================

👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https:www.curehydration.com/PILLOW

👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD