Sex With Dr. Jess

• Sex Terms You’ve Never Heard: CBT, AMDL & More!

  We (Dr. Jess and B writing here!) sincerely appreciate you using our affiliate links and discount code DRJESSVIP. Thank you so very much! We appreciate you. Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!   Sex Terms You’ve Never Heard: From CBT to CEI & Beyond Prefer to listen? This post is based on a Sex With Dr. Jess podcast episode featuring Sunny Megatron. Scroll down to listen or listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. What Counts as a "Normal" Fantasy? What turns someone on might surprise others—but that doesn’t make it wrong. In a world where sexual fantasies are often hidden behind closed doors and filtered out of mainstream studies, a growing vocabulary of kink and fetish acronyms reveals just how varied, creative, and expressive people’s desires can be. While a study out of Quebec found that fantasies such as swinging, BDSM, and threesomes are common and “normal” (with over half of participants reporting them), the reality is that many desires extend beyond the bounds of academic inquiry. That’s where lesser-known acronyms come in. Kink Acronyms 101: From Familiar to Fantastical Sex educator Sunny Megatron recently joined the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast to decode the sex terms that rarely show up in textbooks. From CEI to ASFR, here are a few that stand out: CBT: Cock and ball torture This can include everything from gentle squeezing to bondage, ball stretchers, clamps, and even full-contact ball busting. CEI: Cum eating instruction Often paired with JOI (jack off instruction), usually in a dom-sub dynamic, and frequently rooted in taboo play. SPH: Small penis humiliation Involves psychological play and consensual embarrassment. ABF: Adult breastfeeding fetish Not necessarily about lactation, but more often about the eroticism of care, comfort, and vulnerability. CFNM: Clothed female, nude male An inversion of mainstream objectification that centers the clothed partner’s power and gaze. ASFR: Alt sex robot fetish Sometimes referred to as technosexuality, especially relevant in a world where Bluetooth-connected toys like the We-Vibe Chorus and We-Vibe Sync 2 blur the lines between tech and touch. The Psychology of Kink: Power, Play & Permission Many of these fantasies involve submissive men and dominant women—a dynamic that directly challenges cultural norms of masculinity. Kinks like CEI or CFNM provide a mental reprieve from societal expectations of dominance and emotional suppression. This kind of exploration is not necessarily about the acts themselves, but about rewriting personal narratives around power, control, and vulnerability. For some, it’s healing. For others, it’s just hot. And for anyone looking to explore dominant/submissive roles in a playful way, a toy like the We-Vibe Pivot can be an excellent starting point. It’s discreet, app-controlled, and ideal for giving control to a partner, whether across the room or across the world. Shame, Humiliation & the Erotic Erotic humiliation is another thread running through many of these kinks. It’s not about degradation but about consensual embarrassment—such as being asked to perform a sexy task in front of others or being lovingly teased. These types of fantasies often stem from early experiences or internalized cultural messages. For those looking to process shame through pleasure, even seemingly taboo kinks like CBT or CEI can become cathartic and empowering when approached with consent, communication, and curiosity. Playing With Consent: SSC and RACK

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• How To Prep For A Threesome

  A quick 'Thank You' from Dr. Jess and B (it really is us!) - Every time you shop using our links or the code DRJESSVIP, you’re investing in pleasure, education, and empowerment — and we’re so grateful to have you along for the ride. Thank you again. Your support means a lot to us! Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!   Considering a Threesome? Start Here: Your Inclusive Guide to Pleasure, Consent & Connection You listened to Part I of our threesome series, and now you’re back for the practical prep. In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome — for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners’ insights on how to prep for a threesome and discuss couples’ privilege. Whether you’re single, partnered, or somewhere in between, use the prompts below to design an experience that feels thoughtful, consensual, and genuinely pleasurable for everyone involved. (If you missed our conversation with Dr. Justin Lehmiller, circle back for the research on who fantasizes, who follows through, and why the numbers don’t always match.) When (and IF) you’re onsidering moving from fantasy to action, check out this post on how to prepare for your first sex party and ease your nerves while maximizing pleasure. Sponsored Resources I’m partnering with Lovehoney, Womanizer and We-Vibe because they carry a wide range of body-safe toys and ship discreetly worldwide. Two personal favorites that are versatile for solo and partnered play: We-Vibe Tango X – a pinpoint external vibe that tucks easily between bodies We-Vibe Nova 2 – a flexible dual-stimulation toy; the external arm stays in contact even as you move. Use code DRJESSVIP at checkout for a site-wide discount. Code DRJESSVIP We-Vibe Nova 2 Save with Discount Code - DRJESSVIP • Dual stimulation with flexible clitoral arm = stays in place as you move & deep rumbly vibes. • App-controlled for solo or partner play from anywhere. • Waterproof & rechargeable — ready for bath, bed, or wherever you'd like. We-Vibe.com Lovehoney.com This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!   (Affiliate partnerships help keep the educational content free; thank you for your support.) Threesome Preparation Toolkit Below are three sets of questions. Reflect on them solo, discuss with partners, or copy-paste into a shared doc. The goal is clarity—about desire, boundaries, and after-care. 1. Personal Reflection Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire  Why do you want to have a threesome? Where did the idea of a threesome come from? How do you feel about this source? What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome? What are the perceived risks/costs? With whom would you like to have a threesome? Do you know if they’re open to it? How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome? What excites you most about a threesome? What motivates you? What concerns you about a threesome? Do you have any hesitations? What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered? How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise? Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries? What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication?

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• 4 Types of Couples — Which One Are You?

  4 Types of Couples – Which One Are You? Thank you for reading and listening to our podcast, from Dr. Jess and B! We truly appreciate your time, attention, and support. If you enjoy what you find here, please consider visiting our affiliates (click below) — your clicks help support this site and our content. Please use discount code DRJESSVIP to save! Code DRJESSVIP THANK YOU! 💜 (for real) Code: DRJESSVIP-Save $ + Support Us! No pressure — but if you’re shopping, use our code DRJESSVIP for exclusive savings and a little support for us, too. Win-Win! LOVEHONEY.COM WE-VIBE.COM This is an affiliate link. We may earn a commission. Thank you!   4 Types of Couples: Understanding Your Relationship Dynamics Have you ever wondered what drives commitment in a dating relationship? In this episode of the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast, Brandon and I dive into a fascinating study that identifies four distinct types of dating couples. By understanding whether you and your partner are “dramatic,” “partner-focused,” “socially involved,” or “conflict-ridden,” you can gain insight into how satisfaction, investments, and social networks influence your bond. Before we get into the transcript, let’s explore key research findings that can help you see where your relationship fits—and perhaps discover ways to enhance communication, deepen commitment, or even steer clear of patterns that aren’t working. What Is Commitment, Really? Commitment in relationships often hinges on two main components: Attachment (emotional bond) Intention to continue the relationship Researchers have shown that these factors are influenced by relationship satisfaction, investments (time, energy, shared goals), and the presence—or absence—of appealing alternatives. For dating couples in their mid-20s, believing that the relationship has a future plays a massive role in both quality and stability. As one study noted, “Commitment in relationships is usually centered around two things. The attachment and the intention to continue the relationship”. The Four Relationship “Onions” 1. Dramatic Couples These pairs experience frequent ups and downs. Their commitment tends to swing dramatically, often in response to negative events or thoughts about the relationship. They may spend significant time with separate friend groups and pursue individual interests. If you find yourself regularly riding an emotional rollercoaster, you might be a dramatic couple—and recognizing this can help you break cycles of instability. 2. Partner-Focused Couples With the highest likelihood of staying together and feeling content long term, partner-focused couples prioritize each other’s needs. Shared decision-making, mutual consideration, and a strong focus on your partner’s well-being characterize this group. Even if you don’t rely heavily on a shared social circle, putting each other first cements a deeper, more stable bond. 3. Socially Involved Couples These couples derive a lot of support and closeness from shared friend groups. When your mutual friends root for your relationship, it strengthens both your satisfaction and commitment. Just as importantly, you can lean on your social network when challenges arise. If your relationship thrives when your friends are involved—and you feel closer when loved ones approve—you’re likely socially involved. If conflict feels overwhelming, don’t miss our guide on How to Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies. 4. Conflict-Ridden Couples Here, dips in commitment follow arguments or tension—but so does passionate attraction, pulling partners back together. If you oscillate between heated fights and intense make-ups, you likely fall into this category. While such passion can feel thrilling, it may not be sustainable without other stabilizing factors,...

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• Sex, Gender & Intimacy: People Collide with Isle McElroy

  Isle McElroy joins Jess and Brandon to talk about intimacy, vulnerability and sex -- on paper and in the flesh. An award-winning non-binary author based in New York, McElroy's latest novel People Collide is a gender-bending, body-switching story exploring marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. Isle shares personal insights on what makes for a good sex scene, how inadequacy plays out in relationships and what they've learned from rethinking sex and pleasure. To learn more about Isle McElroy, check out their social media - Instagram and Twitter And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 343 Sex, Gender & Intimacy: People Collide with Isle McElroy [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Hey, hey, today we're talking about sex, gender, and intimacy with Isle McElroy, an award winning non binary author based in New York, whose latest novel, People Collide, is a gender bending, body switching story about marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. [00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, and this story isn't your traditional kind of body swap, you know, thinking Freaky Fridays. So the story is... Eli, when Eli, the main character, leaves the cramped Bulgarian apartment, he shares with his wife, Elizabeth, who's more organized, more successful than he is. He discovers that he now inhabits her body. [00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: So not only have he and his wife traded bodies, but Elizabeth living as Eli, has disappeared without a trace, and what follows is Eli's search across Europe, to America, to find his missing wife, and an exploration of gender and embodied experience. As Eli comes closer to finding Elizabeth while learning to exist in her body, he begins to wonder what effect this metamorphosis will have on their relationship, and how long he can maintain the illusion of of living as someone he isn't. [00:01:17] Jess O'Reilly: And the questions, you know, are will their new marriage wither completely in each other's bodies, or is this transformation the very thing Eli and Elizabeth need for their marriage? to thrive. So I'm really looking forward to this conversation. I've been reading the book. I'm almost done. I thought I'd be done by today, but I have a lot of questions about some of the messaging and themes, and I think it's going to be a great conversation. [00:01:37] Jess O'Reilly: Now, before we welcome our guest, I'll want to announce a partnership with fellow podcasters Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women. The podcast, season two, is out now and it's hosted by Nana Darkwa Sakiyama and Malaika Grant. The podcast explores African women's experiences of sex, sexuality, [00:02:00] and pleasure and they have a host of fabulous guests in their bedroom this season. [00:02:05] Jess O'Reilly: They have top sexpert Ohlone from the UK, fabulous comedienne Yvonne Orji. Feminist powerhouse, Mona Altahawe, and many, many more. And they're asking all their guests, what's your sexy secret? What's your secret, babe? [00:02:19] Brandon Ware: I can't tell you. It's a secret. That's why it's a secret. [00:02:21] Jess O'Reilly: So predictable. Okay. That and so much more in the new season of the Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women podcast out now. [00:02:30] Jess O'Reilly: Listen,

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• Managing Burnout In Relationships: Conservation of Resources Theory

  What are the signs of burnout, and how do they - show up in relationships? How might the Conservation of Resources theory apply to personal relationships? And how can we use the Conservation of Resource lens to manage burnout and improve relationships? Jess & Brandon discuss these topics and more while exploring specific strategies for dealing with burnout in - the context of personal relationships. Check out the transcript below, and be sure to click here to learn more about the upcoming Temptation Cruise departing from Miami in February 2024. And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! Rough Transcript: This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns. Episode 342 Managing Burnout In Relationships: Conservation of Resource Theory [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. [00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Mr. Brandon Ware, how you feeling today? [00:00:17] Brandon Ware: I'm good. I'm good. I'm a little bit tired. I'm good. [00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: A little bit worn out. [00:00:20] Brandon Ware: Just, just a touch. [00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: This is what I'm hearing across the board. [00:00:23] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I hear it from a lot of people these days. [00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: I didn't even prep you for it. I'm like, if I ask how you're doing, I know you're going to say you're a little worn out because it seems like everybody's feeling that way. You know, I'm hearing from friends who describe their state as frozen. [00:00:36] Brandon Ware: I haven't heard frozen before. [00:00:37] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. Actually two different friends last week said that they feel frozen. Like they don't even feel like replying in our group texts. They don't even feel like talking about what's going on in the world because folks are feeling exhausted and sad. And I think there's a sense of. Hopelessness around some of the, the big issues and power and the way things are shifting and seeing how, you know, even economies are, are shifting so that it's making it harder for people to live. [00:01:05] Brandon Ware: I thought you were going to make reference to, so the feeling numbness, but also the inability to move, is that what you're saying? So it's kind of twofold. [00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Right. Cause we think about fight. Or flight, freeze is another response, fawn is another response, but we're not talking about that today. I want to talk about burnout. [00:01:21] Jess O'Reilly: So I think most folks have heard me talk about the bulk of my work is this marriage as a business program, where I take business models and adapt them to relationships for business leaders. And that's my favorite part of my job. It's super fun. And it's really interesting because it's not like every model can just be. [00:01:36] Jess O'Reilly: Shifted into another realm perfectly, but I think they can be adapted and no model is perfect. No theory is perfect, especially when you're looking at, you know, for example, organizational psychology. But I was thinking that it'd be interesting to apply this to burnout today because it seems to be the theme in all the private messages I'm reading and in my friend groups right now. [00:01:51] Jess O'Reilly: And yeah, I was thinking about applying. some theories to burnout today with a lens of an organizational psychology theory, conservation of resources, which I know you're familiar [00:02:00] with. Yes, I am. Studying organizational psych. And I was thinking that we could talk briefly ...

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