The Best of You

Today's Scripture: 1 John 3:18–20

What do you do when the harshest voice in your life is the one inside you? Today’s Scripture helps us distinguish between true conviction, which leads to repair and life, and self-condemnation, which crushes us with shame. This episode helps you recognize the inner critic, notice when self-criticism starts to sound spiritual, and rest your heart in the presence of the God who is greater than your heart. You’ll learn:*The difference between conviction and condemnation*Why sensitive, conscientious people often mistake shame for maturity*How the inner critic tries to protect you through harshness*Why God’s full knowledge of you is comfort, not threat*One way to respond when your inner critic gets loud

Go Deeper:

Episode 140: How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Things That Aren’t Your FaultRead I Shouldn’t Feel This Way for help distinguishing true guilt from false guilt.

Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook

Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support.

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍

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Every marriage goes through difficult seasons.

But what happens when you're the only one willing to do the work?

When every conversation ends in blame, defensiveness, or silence? When you're trying to repair the relationship, but your partner refuses to take responsibility?

In this week's episode, Dr. Alison sits down with licensed clinical social worker and relationship expert Leslie Vernick to explore the difference between a marriage that's simply hard and one that's become emotionally destructive.

Together, they unpack the patterns that quietly erode trust, why healthy relationships require repair, and how to begin reclaiming your own stability—even if your spouse never changes.

You'll learn:

The difference between a difficult marriage and an emotionally destructive one

Why repair—not perfection—is the mark of a healthy relationship

The warning signs of blame, gaslighting, and chronic deflection

How to stop centering your life around changing another person

Why becoming a God-centered person changes the way you navigate unhealthy relationships

Practical first steps you can take when you're the only one pursuing growth

Whether you're navigating a difficult marriage yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers wisdom, compassion, and hope.

Because healing doesn't always begin when someone else changes.

Sometimes it begins when you discover what it looks like to stand on your own two feet while remaining deeply rooted in God.

Take Leslie’s free quiz “Are you in an emotionally destructive marriage?”

Make sure to read Leslie’s book “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing it, Stopping It, Surviving It”

More Resources:

You can now preorder Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide!

Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram

Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others.

Want to hear more like this? Start here:

Episode 203: Staying Close When Connection Feels Hard—The Relationship Skills No One Taught You (with Relationship Expert Dr. James Cordova)

📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here

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While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Judges 6:11–16What do you do when God calls you beloved, strong, courageous, or capable — but a part of you does not believe it applies to you? Today’s Scripture shows God meeting Gideon while he is afraid and hiding, then calling him a “mighty warrior.” This episode helps you notice the old stories you’ve been living under and begin trusting God’s presence more than your fear, insecurity, or family narrative. You’ll learn:*Why God’s truth about you can feel unfamiliar at first*How old narratives shape what you believe you’re capable of*Why God calls Gideon while he is still hiding*The difference between false affirmation and holy naming*How to go in the strength you actually have todayGo Deeper: Share this episode with someone who struggles to believe what God says about them.

Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook

Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support.

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Luke 18:35–43

What do you do when you’ve learned to swallow your needs, lower your voice, or stop asking for help? Today’s Scripture shows a blind man crying out to Jesus while the crowd tells him to be quiet — and Jesus stops to listen. This episode helps you notice where you’ve been trained into silence, reclaim the dignity of your longing, and answer Jesus’ question: “What do you want me to do for you?” You’ll learn:*Why your needs may feel inconvenient or “too much”*How learned silence develops when your voice has been dismissed*Why Jesus is not irritated by your longing*How desire can become a doorway to encounter*One honest way to answer Jesus’ question todayGo Deeper:

Take a moment to write down your answer to Jesus’ question: “What do you want me to do for you?”

Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook

Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support.

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Psalm 77:1–12

What do you do when you believe in God, keep showing up, and still feel nothing? Today’s Scripture gives language for spiritual desolation — the ache of crying out to God and not feeling comforted. This episode helps you bring honest questions to God, understand why distress can make it hard to feel what you know, and practice remembering when God feels far away. You’ll learn:*Why not feeling God does not mean you are outside the life of faith*How Psalm 77 gives permission for honest questions*Why distress can narrow your sense of what is true*How remembering becomes a practice of spiritual reorientation*What to do when faith feels more like an ember than a flameGo Deeper:

Pre-order The Secure Soul and learn how to reconnect with the parts of you that feel distant from God.

Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook

Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support.While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices