Keeping It Young

Every marriage faces misunderstandings, but it's how we handle them that determines whether our relationship thrives or struggles. In this episode of Keeping It Young, Dave and Bethlie share practical, biblical wisdom on overcoming misunderstandings in marriage before they grow into bigger problems.
Learn how to approach difficult conversations with humility and kindness, share your needs in ways your spouse can receive them, and present issues without tearing down your spouse. Dave and Bethlie discuss the difference between minor miscommunications and deeper misunderstandings that need addressing.
Whether you're newlyweds or have been married for decades, this episode provides actionable application for maintaining intimacy, avoiding resentment, and growing together as co-laborers in Christ.
What You'll Learn:
The difference between simple miscommunications and destructive misunderstandings
How to approach issues with humility, kindness, and grace
Why making demands always leads to failure in marriage
How to share needs in a way your spouse can process
Practical communication strategies for husbands and wives
The spiritual foundation for overcoming relational challenges

Episode Notes:
What do we mean by misunderstandings? Desires that aren't met
Issues that won't go away
Failure to meet each others needs

How do you overcome them? Approach issues in a right way Recognize the value of humility and kindness allows us to be vulnerable
allows us to develop intimacy (even if it is small)

Recognize that making demands equal failure These usually are accusations that are selfish
They build walls rather than intimacy


Share your needs in the way that your spouse processes Have a right motivation That your spouse will grow spiritually and have God's blessings

Use a  right presentation Don't belittle
Be honest but build A husband especially needs this: I know you are better than this


For a wife - don't process everything with him 
plan how to be kind and to the point

For a husband Be kind and loving in your words
Ask her to pray about the matter
Share it with her and ask her to consider it and talk about it later
Don't be frustrated by her processing



Determine to grow (prefereably together) Know you you are in Christ
Know who your spouse is in Christ
Know that your are co-laborers for Christ You are in this together
Pray for and help each other

Dave and Bethlie wrap up this first section of the Overcoming series focused on the subject of anger.  We're also celebrating and praising the Lord for our 300th episode!
 
What do you do with a child who has a tendency to anger Correct them Punishment - Every time anger has to be confronted with a negative consequence
We recommend a spanking - every time

Teach them keep it simple
This is wrong
This is how you should respond

Disciple them Your child will need the power of God's Word and God's Spirit
Your child will need to walk with God

Model for them You must do right first
You must learn to have peace in your heart 
You have to model right responses to irritations and issues and life itself

Dave and Bethlie continue their series on overcoming with this part 2 of Overcoming Anger.
How do you overcome anger in your marriage and family Start with confession Eph 4:30. Confess it as sin Control your anger - better - confess your anger
Jesus got angry - you aren't Jesus


Meditate on Scripture Proverbs 15:1-3 A soft/gentle answer turns away wrath Recognize that you are most vulnerable to sin when you are sinned against

the tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright Recognize that your words evidence your heart

the eyes of the Lord are in every place beholding the evil and the good Recognize that God is always present and always holding us accountable 


Proverbs 17:19
Ecclesiastes 9:17

Start with some growth/spiritual steps If you have an anger issue this is the answer You have to grow Confess it as sin
Pray about it every day
Ask forgiveness
Secure accountability
Respond immediately to any failure

You have to sow As you sow the right seeds, you will begin to see fruit

You have to love and honor Your wife matters
Your husband matters


If you are married to someone with an anger problem, this is the answer. You have to grow too In order to confront your spouses anger, you have to put your spiritual house in order essential to have the strength, courage, perspective, and ability to help your spouse

Pray about how to respond in a right way
Practice how to respond in a right way That was a very angry way to say that, can you say it differently so I don't feel so defensive


You have to allow time for fruit Anger is usually a learned behavior that is habitual
When you respond to your spouse with gentleness and a request for a different response, allow your spouse to process that It makes them aware
It give the Spirit time to work




Separate as a last resort. I can't (with a clear conscience) believe that anger is a grounds for divorce
Separation however, may be needed if a man's anger is making him abusive

In this first episode of our Overcoming series, Dave and Bethlie discuss the topic of Anger.  
Overcoming Anger
Quote:  We are a society addicted to outrage. Martin Wickens
In the social media world, outrage generates more "clicks" and ad revenue than anything else
What does the Bible say about anger? Various words are used Anger
Angry
Wrath

Be ye angry and sin not, let not the sun go down on your wrath
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice
A soft answer turns away wrath
Fathers provoke not your children to anger

 
What does anger look like? an outward explosion
a simmering resentment
harsh words
Rage
An angry person is churlish, mean, unkind Illustration of Nabal churlish - difficult, fierce, intense
Evil - bad, disagreeable, giving pain, unhappiness, or misery)


An angry person is difficult to get along with
Anger leads to bitterness and poisons an individual as well as everyone close to them - especially one's spouse and kids 

 
What do we know about anger?  Some things to understand: If you are single, know this:  an anger issue always gets worse after marriage. "with a furious man you shall not go . . ."
It is impossible to live with an angry man without making him angry
Same is true for an angry woman

The target of anger is not the cause You are not to carry the responsibility for a spouses anger or a parents anger 
It is not your fault if your spouse is angry
It is not your fault if your parents are angry

Regarding men: anger is fueled by testosterone and is different than a woman's anger
Anger is physical often before it is processed (think of punching a wall)
Crying is a woman's response to feeling unloved; anger is a man's response to feeling disrespected

Talking things out will not make things better A man has to process his anger before he can talk
Talking about it in the moment will only increase his anger 
give him time to golf, piddle in the garage, or whatever  This is how he processes his emotions
Very few men process their emotions by talking



Regarding women:   Anger is fueled by emotions and wounds
Anger is often a result of unresolved conflicts 
Anger is sometimes the result of unmet expectations

Overcoming
 
1 John 5:4
This is the victory that overcomes the world, even our faith.
 
2 Corinthians 2:14
But thanks be unto God, who always causes us to triumph in Christ
 
Introduction:  As we enter 2026, we are going to explore the word Overcoming!
How do you overcome (fill in the blank)?
 
Henry Ford "Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently"
 
Proposition:  It is God's plan that we overcome every issue we face in our marriage and family and minstry.
Here are four essentials
The Word of God - what does the Bible say
Use of proven methods but is not a proven method 
and is a failed method
but is a failed method
Gentle parenting sounds so "cool" 
Cohabitation sounds plausible 

Use of proven resources Connection classes, Sunday School, life groups, etc
Worship
Preaching
Counseling
Books are a gift from God that most people never take advantage of
When it comes marriage and family issues, you cannot get the help you need in video snippets and fast-paced graphics
The church

The investment of right steps over a long period of time Time is required to do the work
Time is required to seek God through His Word in prayer
Time is required for a continual application of right steps
Time is required to develope new habits
Time is required to make changes
Time is required to sow seeds that can grow and bring fruit