What does an emotionally shut down man actually look like?
Spoiler:Usually not what people think.
In this powerful conversation, Luke and Alana explore the hidden reality of emotional shutdown in men—especially the high-performing, successful men who appear “fine” on the outside but are deeply disconnected on the inside.
From avoidant attachment to compulsive behavior, emotional numbness, and relational loneliness, this episode helps both men and betrayed partners understand what’s really happening beneath the surface.
Healing is possible. Deeper connection is possible.
But first—you have to feel.
Chapters
01:48 What Being Emotionally Shut Down Looks Like
04:01 High Performing Shut down
09:13 Inside the Shutdown
12:39 Signs and Logic
16:54 Learning Emotional Safety
19:35 Tears and the Body
22:27 Busy vs Stillness
24:14 Chasing Intensity
30:00 Numbness and Dissociation
38:35 Individuation and Reconnection
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***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!***
Courage to Thrive - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.
Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT.
💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.
NEW Groups
Making Sense of His Behavior - NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship.
Know Your Story is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks.
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More from Choose Recovery Services
Beyond the Facade Podcast - Helping men live authentically and aligned with their values.
Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women navigating betrayal trauma and its effects.
Intensives - Immersive healing experiences designed for deep transformation in a short time.
Help. Her. Heal - A program for men to build empathy, improve communication, and repair relationships.
Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - Support for men working through addiction, shame, emotional growth, and relationship healing.
The Empowered Divorce Podcast with Amie Woolsey for those who are leaning toward divorce.
Dating From Within - Learn to date yourself first and recognize when you’re ready for a healthy relationship.
Should I Stay or Go? - A self-paced course guiding you toward clarity and personal empowerment.
Trauma Trigger Kit - Grounding tools to help you manage triggers using your five senses.
Believing in You - Learn brain-based tools to rebuild trust, empowerment, and joy.
Intimacy Within - A self-paced guide to building authentic, vulnerable intimacy from the inside out.
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