No Guilt Mom | Overcoming Mom Guilt, Mental Load & Parenting Tips for Moms

If you've ever felt the weight of the mental load and wondered why you always seem to do everything at home, this episode is for you.

You say yes to the plan, your partner says yes to the plan, and then somehow you are the one who is disappointed. Julia Dhar, a world champion debater and author of How Change Really Works, joins me to show you how to have the hard conversation without it turning into a fight. We talk about making a clear and specific request, why false agreement quietly builds resentment, and what to do when you catch yourself thinking "I thought you were going to."

In this episode, you'll learn:

Why anticipating a conflict feels so physical, and why most people say they feel relieved after the hard conversation

How to make a clear and specific request instead of asking "can you help me?"

The difference between false alignment and true agreement, and how true agreement lowers your mental load

Why "I thought you were going to" is an early warning sign that your expectations and theirs are out of step

The "I don't care / I care a lot" technique for letting small things go without losing yourself

Resources mentioned in this episode:

How Change Really Works by Julia Dhar

Happy Home Ladder

No Guilt Mom Inner Circle

The Best Mom is a Happy Mom by JoAnn Crohn

noguiltmom.com

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If you've ever felt the weight of the mental load and wondered why you keep doing everything yourself, even when you're exhausted, this episode is for you.

You're not tired from the tasks on your plate. You're tired from the parts of the job nobody can see: the noticing before and the checking after. In this episode, I share the research behind that invisible work, a few of my own stories (including moments where I got it wrong), and a simple way to hand over the whole job, not just one more task.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Why the heaviest part of your load is the part nobody can see

The four stages of every household job and which ones moms tend to hold

What I call the default loop, and why it keeps you doing it all

Why taking a job back costs you more than it saves (my holiday gift-wrapping story)

How to hand over the whole job this week, and why their frustration is part of the learning

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Happy Home Ladder: a cooperative family game that does the asking for you

No Guilt Mom Inner Circle

The Best Mom is a Happy Mom

Tell me which job you're handing off: @noguiltmom on Instagram

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If you've ever felt the weight of the mental load and wondered why you're the only one who notices what needs to be done around the house, this episode is for you.

Sam Kelly, author of Notice and Do, joins me to talk about the moment she realized she was teaching her kids to rely on her for all the noticing, just like her husband had. We talk about the rage that comes with carrying the mental load, why a chore system only gets you half of the way there, and how to hand over ownership without hovering.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Why noticing is a teachable skill, just like brushing your teeth or tying your shoes

How to turn grief and rage about the mental load into fuel for change

What the Big Three and learning ladders are, and how they give kids real ownership

Why a chore chart relies on you to do all the noticing and delegating, and what to do instead

How pre-existing motivators work for strong-willed and ADHD kids, and why the pushback is temporary

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Notice and Do: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load by Sam Kelly

Sam Kelly's website

Sam Kelly on Instagram (@samkelly_world)

Happy Home Ladder

No Guilt Mom Inner Circle

The Best Mom is a Happy Mom by JoAnn Crohn

No Guilt Mom podcast page

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If you've ever felt mom guilt after yelling and wondered why you yell at the same time every day, this episode is for you.

New here? Start with our ⁠Start Here playlist⁠ — five episodes that will change how you think about motherhood.

Your yelling probably has a timestamp, and that does not mean something is wrong with you. I share three stories, from a childhood kitchen sink to a 5 p.m. toddler "no" to a 10 p.m. bedtime request, and walk you through why your yelling window happens and the smallest possible plan for changing it.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Why you tend to yell at the same moment almost every day, and why that makes it a pattern instead of a character flaw

The sequence behind a yelling moment: the trigger, the feeling, and the sentence your brain adds a half second later

Why the belief that your kid did it on purpose fuels anger, and how to start rewriting that sentence when you are calm

How to make an if-then plan that says what you will do instead of what you are trying to stop

Why you don't need more patience in your yelling window, you need a plan

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Happy Home Ladder: a simple cooperative family game so you don't have to ask daily

The Best Mom is a Happy Mom by JoAnn Crohn

The No Guilt Mom Inner Circle

Follow the show on Spotify

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

New here? Start with our Start Here playlist, five episodes that will change how you think about motherhood.

If you've ever felt the weight of the mental load and wondered why you pass your own stress onto your kids without meaning to, this episode is for you.

Ever wonder why your reaction to something small, like your kid not eating dinner, feels way bigger than the moment itself? In this episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Edith Shiro, author of The Unexpected Gift of Trauma, breaks down how stress and trauma pass from parent to child without either of you realizing it, and what you can actually do to interrupt the cycle.

In this episode, you'll learn:

How to tell when your reaction to your kid is really about something from your own past

A 5-minute script to repair with your child after you react in a way you're not proud of

Why validating your child's feelings, even before you set a limit, makes discipline actually work

How to handle a teenager's rejection without taking it personally

What to say when your child is being bullied, or is the one doing the bullying

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Dr. Edith Shiro's website

The Unexpected Gift of Trauma by Dr. Edith Shiro

Dr. Edith Shiro on Instagram

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

The Happy Mom Reset, a free class

Ready to stop the yelling and guilt cycle in your own home? Grab your spot in The Happy Mom Reset.
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