Dear Diary & Listeners,
I’d be lying if I said getting to this last episode of The Dichotomy Diaries was anything close to a walk in the park. In truth, it’s been a grueling journey—one that has required me to face the ashes of my past and find a way to rise above them. Starting and maintaining this podcast has been the single hardest thing I’ve done, forcing me to dissect my experiences and uncover the roots of my pain. Much like the haunting echoes in Illenium’s From the Ashes, I've wrestled with being broken down only to rise again. That song is close to my heart because, just as Phoenix shaped who I am today, it’s also where I became my most broken. It's ironic: Phoenix both created and nearly destroyed me.
As humans, we crave understanding. When faced with unanswered questions, we can either bury them or seek answers, no matter the cost. So, yes—I fucked around and found out, and I don't regret it. There were days I wanted to give up, to disappear from the internet entirely. But each day, I rose with purpose, determined to see this through. And while this process has been healing, it has also been intensely challenging, revealing both sadness and the joy of personal transformation.
Hosting this podcast has unintentionally filtered out the wrong people from my life—The Fuck Boy Filter, if you will. Those who approached me should have known that I have no patience for those who aren’t genuine or respectful. It's worked, more or less, but I have encountered some strange birds along the way. Thankfully, the DMs have slowed, and the wildest proposals now feel like a distant memory. Even better, the podcast has acted as a background check, a sort of litmus test for anyone new who enters my life.
I am so happy to mention that the new man in my life is beyond amazing. Though he respects my work and acknowledges my commitment, he hasn’t listened to a single episode. Initially, I was disappointed—it’s my art, after all. But then, I realized that not everyone needs to know every detail. True connection doesn’t need to know the scars in high definition; it can see the resilience in your eyes and recognize your strength without needing every gritty detail. I am positive that if he tuned in, he’d be fuming just a few minutes into the first episode. And honestly? I can’t blame him.
I hope this final episode brings you the closure it brought me. I hope you found value in listening to my journey, and if you did, I’d love to hear about it. My DMs are always open.
As I wrap up Season 1 of The Dichotomy Diaries, I find myself reflecting on all I’ve endured and overcome. There were countless times when I was faced with people trying to burn down everything I had worked to rebuild. To those who wanted to see me fall, here’s my response: What do you want from me tonight? You wanna burn down everything in sight? I’ve walked through the flames and emerged stronger, unafraid of what comes next.
Because I’ve realized I’m not just surviving this fire; I’m thriving in it. So go on, light your matches, and watch as I rise from the ashes.
Thank you for standing beside me in the fire. Season 2 awaits...
Forever Speaking My Truth,
Amanda L. Arnier, MLS
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