The Art of Manliness

Many of us grow up believing that midlife is when things start going downhill. Your body's breaking down, your best work is behind you, and you may fall into a full-blown existential crisis. But a lot of what we think we know about midlife turns out to be based more on pop culture than actual research.
My guest says the reality is much more encouraging. Her name is Margie Lachman. She's a professor of psychology, the Director of the Lifespan Lab at Brandeis University, and the author of Primetime: A New Vision for Midlife. Today on the show, Margie discusses what age range constitutes midlife — and how it's not just a matter of chronological age — and whether people really become less happy and experience a midlife crisis during these years. She explains the surprising ways your mind continues to improve even as some abilities slow down, and why this stage of life often represents a peak combination of creativity and judgment. We also talk about the real challenges that come with midlife and how adopting the right mindset and habits can mitigate those downsides while helping you make the most of what Margie argues can truly be a sweet spot in life — a time when you still have much of your physical and mental vitality, and it's coupled with seasoned experience and wisdom.

Resources Related to the Podcast
Seasons of a Man’s Life by Daniel Levinson
AoM series on Levinson’s research
Transformations: Growth and Change in Adult Life by Roger Gould
Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life by Gail Sheehy
AoM Podcast #598: Journeying From the First to the Second Half of Life With James Hollis
AoM Podcast #776: How to Shift Out of the Midlife Malaise
Connect With Margie Lachman
Margie's website
Margie's faculty page

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

George Washington is perhaps the most familiar figure in American history. But most people really only know the image of him they see in marble statues and patriotic paintings. Behind those symbols was a real man: ambitious, self-taught, intensely concerned with honor, and constantly wrestling with the immense responsibilities history placed on his shoulders.
In celebration of America's 250th birthday, we're taking an extended look at the life of the man more responsible than anyone else for the nation's founding. Here to unpack that life for us is H.W. Brands, a historian and the author of a new biography of Washington, American Patriarch. Brands traces Washington's journey from a young Virginia surveyor to military commander, founding father, and first president. Along the way, we discuss how Washington's upbringing shaped his character, why he became a surprisingly effective military leader despite losing more battles than he won, how he held together a fragile revolutionary army, how he shaped the presidency through the precedents he set, and whether a leader like Washington could still succeed today.
Resources Related to the Podcast
H.W.'s previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
Episode #696: Theodore Roosevelt, The Last Romantic
Episode #908: Would You Have Been a Patriot or a Loyalist?
AoM Podcast #223: George Washington, Benedict Arnold, and Valiant Ambition
AoM Podcast #366: Teach Yourself Like George Washington
AoM Podcast #719: The Surprising Pessimism of America’s Founding Fathers
AoM Article: George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation
Connect With H.W. Brands
H.W. on Substack
H.W.’s faculty page

00:00 Introduction
01:53 About the book American Patriarch
03:03 Washington's childhood & Virginia gentry upbringing
06:54 Self-education, surveying, and early ambition
11:47 First military mission to the Ohio country
17:11 The French and Indian War & Washington's baptism under fire
24:44 Washington marries Martha Custis
33:57 Washington takes command of the Continental Army
40:17 Military strategy: how Washington won by not losing
46:41 Holding the army together at Valley Forge
55:57 Washington as first president & setting precedents
1:09:56 The Farewell Address & legacy
1:10:15 What Washington teaches us today

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The modern idea of retirement was built on a bet that turned out to be wrong. It assumed people would spend most of their lives working and only a relatively short period of time retired. Instead, many Americans now reach 65 healthy, active, and with an entire third of their life ahead of them. Yet we're still using a retirement model designed for a world in which old age was shorter and fewer people expected decades of life after leaving the workforce.
My guest says that outdated assumption creates some unfortunate unintended consequences. It causes people to stress excessively about money, postpone meaningful experiences with family and friends, and sometimes sacrifice the very things that make life worth living in the first place. He argues that by rethinking retirement — not necessarily eliminating it, but reimagining it — we can enjoy more of our lives now while actually feeling more secure about the future.
His name is Derek Coburn, and he's a financial advisor and the author of Let's Retire Retirement. Today on the show, Derek explains why the traditional retirement model came about, why it may no longer make sense for many people, and how working even a few years past 65 can dramatically change the math of retirement planning. We also discuss the surprising psychological challenges many people face after they stop working, why purpose matters more than leisure, and how thinking differently about retirement can free you up to spend more time on what matters most right now — whether that's traveling, strengthening your marriage, or making the most of the limited summers you have left with your kids.

Connect With Derek Coburn
Derek's website (including his retirement calculator)
Derek on IG

0:00 - Introduction
1:22 - The Outdated Origins of Retirement (Bismarck's 1889 Social Insurance Plan)
4:12 - Why the Traditional Retirement Model Creates Stress and Anxiety
6:13 - The "Arrival Fallacy" — Why Retirement Isn't What You Think It Will Be
8:42 - The Psychological Crisis of Stopping Work Cold Turkey
11:05 - The Math: How Working 10 More Years Cuts Your Savings Requirement by 96%
13:21 - Enjoying Life NOW Instead of Deferring It to Retirement
14:22 - Maximizing the Limited Summers You Have with Your Kids
19:48 - Sponsor Break
20:07 - What If You Hate Your Job? Find One You "Don't Hate"
22:37 - Side Hustles as an On-Ramp to Work You Love
24:09 - Physical Jobs and Mandatory Retirement — What Then?


See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We all want two things that can seem at odds with each other: to be our own person and to belong. We want to stand apart from the crowd, but we also want to be connected to it. When that balance gets out of whack, we either lose ourselves in tribalism or drift into isolation.
My guest today says many of the problems in modern life stem from our inability to hold these two impulses in tension. His name is Luke Burgis, and he’s the author of The One and the 99: Forging Identity in the Age of Social Contagion. Today on the show, Luke explains how becoming a true individual can give you the strength to be a part of a community. We discuss the difference between a solid self and a pseudo self — and what role families and rites of passage can play in moving us toward one or the other — why modern politics feels like a dysfunctional family, the dangers of performative religion, and much more.
Resources Related to the PodcastLuke’s previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
Episode #714: Why Do We Want What We Want?
Episode #910: Thick Desires, Political Atheism, and Living an Anti-Mimetic Life
The True Believer by Eric Hoffer
Education of a Wandering Man by Louis L’Amour
AoM Podcast #1,025: The Life and Legacy of Louis L’Amour
AoM article with L’Amour’s weekly to-do lists
AoM article and podcast about C.S. Lewis’ The Abolition of Man and the idea of objective value
The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich
The Quest for Community by Robert Nisbet
AoM Podcast #847: Overdoing Democracy
AoM Podcast #1,010: How to Resist Group Anxiety and Become a Differentiated Self
AoM Article: Becoming a Well-Differentiated Leader
Dying Breed article: A New Kind of Monasticism — The Power of Community to Shape the Soul
The Rule of St. Benedict

Connect With Luke Burgis
Luke’s website

Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/MANLINESS

Timestamps
0:00 Introduction
0:54 Guest Intro: Luke Burgis & The One and the 99
4:48 The Parable of the Lost Sheep & the Book's Framework
10:17 Defining the Self (vs. Identity & Soul)
14:37 The Pseudo Self Explained
19:40 How to Develop a Solid Self
25:35 Louis L'Amour & Education for a Solid Self
28:18 Curiositas vs. Studiositas (Ordered vs. Disordered Knowledge)
44:30 Tribalism, Politics, & the Pseudo Self
45:08 How Undifferentiation Fuels Political Dysfunction
51:13 Religion, Performative Piety & the Digital World
54:15 What Monasteries Teach Us About Community & Solid Selves

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Life rarely unfolds according to plan. A relationship implodes. A move or job change doesn't work out. Or you simply fail in a goal you've set for yourself.
My guest has spent almost two decades researching and field-testing how to get back on track when smaller slip-ups and larger upheavals knock you off course. His name is Steve Kamb, and he's the founder of Nerd Fitness and the author of How to Try Again: An Approachable Guide to Navigating Chaos and Making Change THAT STICKS. Today on the show, Steve shares practical principles for dealing with life's frustrating and demoralizing setbacks. We discuss why sometimes the best move is to pause rather than push harder, how to accept reality without resigning yourself to it, why treating change as an experiment can help you beat paralysis and take action, why you should treat consistency with your goals the way you do showering, and more.
Resources Related to the Podcast
Steve's previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
Episode #42: Level Up Your Life With Nerd Fitness & Steve Kamb
Episode #170: Level Up Your Life
Steve's AoM guest posts:
Don’t Be That Guy: The Taxonomy of Lousy Male Friends
How Superheroes, Movies, and Video Games Taught Me to Conquer Fear
Nerd Fitness
Museum of Failure
Sunday Firesides: Good Times Are Not Around the Corner (And That's Great News!)
Sunday Firesides: Treat Life Like an Experiment
"Lightning Fields" by the Killers

Connect With Steve Kamb
Steve's website
Steve on IG
Steve on LinkedIn
Steve on Substack

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.