The Art of Manliness

When Mark Hertling learned he was deploying for Operation Desert Storm, he decided to start a journal.
Back then, Mark was an Army major and cavalry officer with two young sons. His unit would be out in front of the main force, and during an intelligence briefing, he was told it could suffer casualties as high as 50 percent. Mark realized there was a real chance he might not come home. So he began writing down what he was experiencing, along with the lessons about life, leadership, and character that he wanted his boys to know if he wasn’t there to teach them himself.
Mark did come home, and went on to serve 38 years in the Army, including as an assistant division commander in Baghdad and later commander of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq during the 2007–2008 surge, before finishing his career as commander of U.S. Army Europe.
Decades later, that wartime journal became the basis for his new book, If I Don’t Return. Today on the show, retired three-star General Mark Hertling and I talk about the reflections it contains on making every day count, planning for friction, marriage and friendship, handwritten notes, casual profanity, the moral weight of war, and what it means to build a man.

Resources Related to the Podcast
My Life
On War by Carl von Clausewitz
AoM Article: Clausewitz on Overcoming the Annoying Slog of Life
General Douglas MacArthur’s Prayer for His Son
Connect With Mark Hertling
Mark on LinkedIn
Mark's faculty page
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Professor of psychology Angela Duckworth is famous for her work on grit — the combination of passion and perseverance that leads to high achievement. But she’s come to an increasing appreciation for the fact that success isn't just a matter of the qualities inside you; it's also driven by what's outside you — your peers, your mentors, and even your zip code.
Today on the show, Angela, whose latest book is Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best, shares how our environments play a much bigger role in shaping us than we realize. She explains the three-box model of behavior, why relying on willpower is a fallible strategy for altering your habits, and why the most effective way to change yourself is to change what’s around you. We discuss how different situations bring out different versions of ourselves and how to shape your surroundings to encourage good habits, mitigate bad ones, and become who you want to be — whether that means rearranging what’s on your desk or moving across the country.

Resources Related to the Podcast
Angela's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #210 — Got Grit?
AoM Podcast #887: The Golden Rules of Success With Bob Bowman
AoM Podcast #1,023: Is Self-Control Overrated? With Michael Inzlicht
Dying Breed Article: The Power of "I Like," or Why Do People Hate the Idea of Motivation?
AoM Article: Alexander Graham Bell’s Secret to Greater Productivity
AoM Article: The Ceiling Word Art of Michel de Montaigne
Connect With Angela Duckworth
Angela's website
Angela's faculty page
Angela on LinkedIn
Angela on IG

0:00 Introduction
1:42 From Grit to Situated
4:18 Michael Phelps: Grit Meets Environment
8:43 The Three-Box Model Explained
12:28 Why Willpower Fails
19:18 Multiple Selves & Code Switching
26:30 Saving a Marriage Through Situational Change
31:51 Curating Your Physical Space
38:26 Shaping Your Digital Environment
43:14 Social Environment & Accountability
47:05 Culture, Microcultures & the Flywheel
53:15 Start With Situational Awareness

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The ancient Greeks believed the human soul had three parts: reason, appetite, and something called thumos. Thumos is difficult to translate into English. It encompasses anger, noble spiritedness, pride, ambition, a sense of honor, and the drive to act. The Greeks thought it was essential to living a life of manly virtue, and my guest thinks we could use a lot more of it.
His name is Mike LeBlanc, and he’s a decorated Marine, a Harvard Business School grad, a tech founder, and the author of What If Anger Is the Answer? Today on the show, Mike and I discuss how the angry energy of thumos can help you close the gap between who you are and who you should be. We discuss why physical training helps cultivate thumos, how it can be an aid in overcoming appetites, overthinking, passivity, and cynicism, and the role it can play in being an effective leader.

Resources Related to the Podcast
AoM Article: Got Thumos?
AoM Article: 10 Movies That Inspire Thumos
AoM Article: Soundtrack for Your Thumos
AoM Article: How to Make Anger Your Ally
AoM Podcast #1,083: Good Anger — Harnessing a Misunderstood Emotion
AoM Series: The Life of Jack London as a Case Study in the Power and Perils of Thumos
Connect With Mike LeBlanc
Mike's website
Mike on LinkedIn

0:00 Introduction
1:42 Meet Mike LeBlanc: Marines, Great Books & Robotics
5:45 A Letter to His Son: What It Means to Be a Man
8:07 Socrates' Metaphor: The Little Man, the Hydra & the Lion
15:26 The Attributes of Thumos: Dignity, Pride & Shame
17:36 Thumos and Action: The Soul's Three Parts at Work
20:19 Thumos in Defending Boundaries
25:31 Thumos and the Physical Body
31:36 Thumos vs. Overthinking: The 70% Solution
36:03 Thumos, Power & Authority in Leadership
44:42 Overcoming Cynicism with Thumos
49:46 Raising Boys with Thumos & Where to Find the Book

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Note: This is a rebroadcast.
Have you ever known one of those people who seemed to be able to connect with anyone? The kind of person who had the ability to make others feel understood and smoothly navigate even the trickiest of conversations?
Charles Duhigg calls these folks “supercommunicators,” and he’s the author of a new book by the same name. Today on the show, Charles explains that what underlies supercommunicators’ skill in connection is something called the matching principle, and he unpacks how it works and how you can put it to use in your own conversations. We discuss several techniques for how to figure out what kind of conversation you’re having, so you can align your language and energy with the other person. And because emotional conversations can be particularly difficult, we dig into tactics for successfully navigating them, even when they contain a high degree of conflict. We also get into how to carry the skills of connection into your digital conversations.
Resources Related to the Podcast
Charles’ previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
Episode #61: The Power of Habit
Episode #196: The Science of Self-Motivation & Productivity
AoM Podcast #559: How to Handle Difficult Conversations

Connect With Charles Duhigg
Charles’ website

0:00 — Intro & Rebroadcast Notice
0:32 — Why Communication Matters
2:08 — The Matching Principle
5:07 — Deep Questions & FBI Negotiator Felix Sigala
9:50 — Identifying What Kind of Conversation You're Having
10:52 — Setting Goals & Preparing for Conversations
15:06 — Conversations as Quiet Negotiations
19:07 — Navigating Emotional Conversations
24:11 — Turning Shallow Questions Into Deep Questions
28:00 — Mood, Energy & NASA's Emotional Intelligence Test
32:34 — Looping for Understanding & High-Conflict Conversations
38:38 — Digital Communication & Closing

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Remember the old hotel ice machines? The kind where you'd slide your bucket under the chute and hear the avalanche of cubes crashing into it? There was something so fun and strangely gratifying about that thing.
Or think about breaking an icicle off the edge of a roof. Such a gratifying feeling from such a small act.
My guest has written an ode to the outsized pleasures that arise from these kinds of everyday interactions with the physical world. His name is Ian Bogost, and his new book is The Small Stuff. Today on the show, Ian argues that a fulfilling life isn't built solely by chasing the big components of happiness but also by embracing the small moments of gratification that are woven throughout ordinary life. We discuss how those moments can be found in tactile experiences like shifting a manual transmission, turning a well-made knob, or flipping through the pages of a real menu. We explore how these small opportunities for engagement — for contact, connection, and control— have been disappearing as the world becomes more digitized and automated and everything becomes a touchscreen. And Ian shares how opportunities for "sensory enchantment" can still be found in our increasingly dematerialized world.

Resources Related to the Podcast
Ian's previous appearance on the AoM Podcast: Episode #247 — The Pleasure of Limits, the Uses of Boredom, and the Antidote to Excessive Irony
Ian's Atlantic article "The End of Manual Transmission"
Andy Rooney compilation
Connect With Ian Bogost
The Small Stuff website
Ian's website
Ian's faculty page

0:00 Introduction
0:40 Ian Bogost and 'The Small Stuff'
2:25 What Kickstarted This Book
6:38 Happiness, Satisfaction, and Gratification
14:58 Gratification Is Everywhere — But Disappearing
18:28 Dematerialization: How the World Is Losing Sensory Richness
26:41 How Work Has Become Less Gratifying
33:09 How to Reclaim Your Sensory Life
38:35 Keep More Junk Around
44:38 Talk About Small Pleasures
48:17 Living Life Sideways (Orthogonality)
50:03 Wrap-Up
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