Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

• 243: Parent Conflict Over Discipline: How to Get on the Same Page

  "How can we get on the same page about discipline?" is one of the most common questions parents face. Before having kids, most couples never realize how different family backgrounds, experiences, and parenting beliefs will collide into seemingly unbridgeable differences. This episode explores practical tools to navigate these differences, from de-escalating tense moments to having productive conversations that honor both parents' needs while creating consistency for your children. Questions this episode will answer Why do my partner and I have such different approaches to discipline? Your differing approaches likely stem from your own childhood experiences, family values, and what you're trying to "fix" from your upbringing. You might also have different core needs you're trying to meet — one parent might prioritize structure and predictability while another focuses on emotional connection. Understanding these differences is key to finding common ground rather than seeing your partner as "wrong." How do I handle it when my partner disciplines our child in a way I don't agree with? When your partner uses a disciplinary approach you disagree with, jumping in to defend the kids often escalates the situation. Instead, try a de-escalation approach: help everyone regulate with your calm presence, validate each person's feelings, and offer a simple solution that gives everyone an out while preserving dignity. Save deeper discussions for later when kids aren't present. How can I talk to my partner about discipline without starting a fight? Approach conversations without judgment by framing the discussion around shared goals ("Can we talk about what we want to do when the kids don't listen?") rather than criticizing their approach ("You're too harsh with the kids"). The episode offers 10 indirect questions to help you understand the origins of your partner's beliefs about discipline. What if my partner thinks gentle parenting "doesn't work"? If your partner is using your imperfect moments as "evidence" that your approach doesn't work, start with self-compassion. We look at how to use tools like The Feedback Process to explore your different ideas and find ways to move forward together. How can we create a consistent approach that respects both our parenting styles? Start by understanding what's driving each of your approaches rather than just focusing on behaviors. When you identify the underlying needs you're both trying to meet—whether it's creating structure, ensuring emotional connection, or teaching responsibility—you'll often find common ground. The episode provides indirect questions you can use to understand how your childhood experiences have shaped your parenting values. Then you can work together to determine what success looks like for both of you, examine what actually happens with different approaches, and create hybrid solutions that honor each person's core values while giving your children the consistency they need. What you'll learn in this episode How to use self-compassion when parenting differences arise Self-compassion is essential when navigating differences in discipline approaches with your partner. Dr. Kristin Neff's research shows self-compassion includes self-kindness versus self-judgment, common humanity versus isolation, and mindfulness versus over-identification. Practice treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend when you make mistakes or struggle to align with your partner. The de-escalation approach for heated discipline moments Instead of undermining your partner in the moment, learn to de-escalate by helping everyone regulate, validating all feelings without taking sides, and offering simple solutions that preserve dignity....

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• 242: The secret to having feedback conversations your family will actually hear

  Have you ever shared an observation with your partner or child, only to watch them immediately become defensive or shut down? You meant well, but somehow your words landed as criticism instead of the helpful insight you intended. In this episode, we explore The Feedback Process framework with Joellen Killion, examining how we can transform our family communications. When we participate in the feedback process effectively, we create conversations that family members can actually hear—conversations that lead to lasting positive change rather than defensiveness and resistance. Questions this episode will answer Why do our attempts to share observations with family members often lead to defensiveness? What's the difference between criticism and participating in the feedback process? How can we frame our observations so they're received as helpful rather than hurtful? What specific language patterns help family members stay open to what we're sharing? How can we create feedback conversations that strengthen relationships instead of damaging them? How does shifting from "waiting to respond" to "truly listening" transform the entire feedback dynamic? How can we teach children to participate in the feedback process constructively? What you'll learn in this episode The key components of The Feedback Process framework and how they transform family communications Practical techniques to share observations without triggering defensiveness in your partner or children Specific language patterns that help feedback recipients stay open to what you're sharing How to recognize when feedback isn't being received and what to do about it The crucial difference between criticism and constructive feedback Ways to create a family culture where feedback strengthens relationships rather than damaging them How participating in the feedback process builds emotional intelligence in children Practical examples of transforming common family conflicts through effective feedback conversations This episode provides practical tools to break cycles of criticism and defensiveness, creating space for authentic communication that leads to positive change in your family relationships. Joellen Killion's bookThe Feedback Process (Affiliate link) Other episodes mentioned 212: How to make the sustainable change you want to see in your family 209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner 102: From confusion and conflict to confident...

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• 241: Validating children’s feelings: Why it’s important, and how to do it with Dr. Caroline Fleck

  What exactly is validation? Dr. Fleck defines it as communication that demonstrates you are mindful, understand, and empathize with another person's experience, thereby accepting it as valid. In this illuminating conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck, author the book Validation, we explore the powerful concept of validation and how it can transform your relationship with your child. Dr. Fleck is a licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and Adjunct Clinical Instructor at Stanford University. After the conversation with Dr. Fleck, I provide my own perspective on the third part of her book. While I found the first two parts on validation techniques extremely valuable and immediately applicable, I share some concerns about using validation as a tool for changing children's behavior. I explore the ethical considerations of consent-based relationships with children and offer an alternative approach focused on understanding needs rather than modifying behavior. The conversation gives you an overview of the very useful validation framework, while the conclusion honors my commitment to respectful, needs-based parenting approaches that maintain children's autonomy and inner experience. Questions this episode will answer How do I validate my child's feelings when they're having a meltdown? Does validating my child's emotions make tantrums worse or last longer? What should I say when my child is upset about something that seems trivial? How can I tell the difference between validating feelings versus validating bad behavior? What are the most effective words to use when validating my child's emotions? How does validation help my child develop emotional regulation skills? What happens if I've been unintentionally invalidating my child's feelings? Is it possible to validate feelings while still setting necessary boundaries? What simple validation techniques can I start using today with my child?What you'll learn in this episode Simple, practical phrases to validate your child's feelings during difficult moments How to respond when your child is upset about something that seems small (like a broken cracker) The step-by-step validation ladder you can use with children of all ages Why saying "You're OK!" actually makes tantrums worse and what to say instead How validation helps your child develop emotional regulation skills faster Easy mindfulness techniques to stay calm when your child is emotional Specific examples of validation for common parenting challenges How to validate feelings while still maintaining important boundaries Ways to repair your relationship if you've been unintentionally invalidating The connection between childhood validation and long-term mental health Whether you're dealing with tantrums, big emotions, difficult conversations, or just want to build a stronger connection with your child,...

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• 240: How to prepare your kids for the real world

  In this episode, we explore how to prepare children for the real world without sacrificing their authentic selves. Drawing on research about food habits, screen time, social expectations, and discipline approaches, this discussion offers balanced strategies that prioritize connection over control. You'll learn how to guide children through external pressures while helping them develop critical thinking skills and maintaining their inherent wisdom. Questions this episode will answer How can I help my child navigate a world of hyper-palatable foods without creating unhealthy food relationships? What's the evidence about screen time and video games, and how can I approach them constructively? How do social systems pressure children to conform to limiting gender roles and expectations? Is traditional discipline truly preparing children for the "real world," or is there a better approach? How can I honor my child's authentic self while still giving them tools to succeed? What you'll learn in this episode The truth about BMI measurements and research on body size that contradicts common assumptions How the Division of Responsibility model can transform mealtime struggles Why video games don't increase violence and may offer surprising benefits Practical ways to help children develop critical thinking about media messages How to identify the unmet needs behind challenging behavior The concept of "traumatic invalidation" and its impact on children's development Step-by-step approaches to build children's self-regulation around screen time How to create meaningful conversations about problematic messages in children's books Ways to validate children while preparing them for life's challenges This episode offers a thoughtful examination of the tensions between societal pressures and children's innate wisdom, providing practical guidance for parents navigating these complex territories. Rather than offering quick fixes, we focus on building connection as the foundation for helping children develop resilience and discernment. Other episodes mentioned 007: Help! My toddler won’t eat vegetables 140: Mythbusting about fat and BMI with Dr. Lindo Bacon 142: Division of Responsibility with Ellyn Satter 218: What children learn from video games 106: Patriarchy is perpetuated through parenting (Part 1)...

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• 239: First year for your newborn baby: The 7 ideas that really matter

    What truly matters in a baby’s first year? This episode explores the top seven things parents should focus on, helping you set priorities with confidence. Questions this episode will answer How much influence do parents really have on their child’s development? What parenting practices actually make a long-term difference? Should you be worried about hitting developmental milestones on time? How can you support your baby’s emotional well-being from day one? What are the best ways to foster a strong parent-child bond? What you’ll learn in this episode Parenting advice changes constantly, often reflecting shifts in culture and scientific understanding. In this episode, we take a research-backed approach to uncover what truly matters in your baby’s first year—and what doesn’t. The Myth of the Perfect Parent: Learn why the definition of “good parenting” has evolved and how cultural expectations influence parenting choices. Nature vs. Nurture: Discover the surprising role genetics and socioeconomic factors play in shaping a child’s future. The Truth About Developmental Milestones: Understand why comparing your child to others can be misleading—and what really matters for long-term success. Helping Your Baby Feel Secure: Explore the key elements of emotional safety and how they support healthy development. Building a Strong Parent-Child Connection: Learn practical strategies to foster trust, communication, and bonding with your baby. Making Parenting Easier: Get clarity on what’s actually worth stressing about—spoiler: fancy baby gear isn’t on the list. Join us as we use our values to understand how to get parenting right from the start for your baby and family. If you’re ready to dive even deeper into these ideas and get hands-on guidance in your parenting journey, our Right From The Start course that I run with Hannah & Kelty of Upbringing is here to help. It’s designed to give you the confidence and tools to support your baby’s emotional well-being, strengthen your bond, and parent with intention—right from the start. You'll get access to nine modules of content on topics like supporting baby's sleep, feeding with confidence, and supporting a strong sibling relationship. You'll also learn how to meet your own needs - because you're a whole person with needs, not just your baby's parent. Right From The Start is available anytime, and you get access to a group coaching call once a month for a year after you join. You can give the course as a gift - it might be the most useful baby shower gift anyone can receive (besides the industrial strength laxatives and nipple shields!) Click the image below to learn more about Right From The Start: Other episodes mentioned 081: How can I decide which daycare/preschool is right for my child? 079: What is RIE? 084: The Science of RIE

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