Passion Struck with John R. Miles

What happens when strength is defined as self-sufficiency, emotional restraint, and constant proof?
In this episode of Passion Struck, licensed psychologist and leadership coach Daniel Ellenberg, PhD, joins Passion Struck to explore how traditional masculine scripts shape identity, relationships, and the lived experience of mattering often at a hidden cost.
Ellenberg has spent more than four decades facilitating men’s groups and workshops, guiding thousands of men through questions of emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and relational presence. As the founder of Strength with Heart, co-founder of Relationships That Work, and a principal at the Rewire Leadership Institute, his work examines how cultural expectations around masculinity quietly teach boys and men to armor themselves against dependence, tenderness, and uncertainty.
In this conversation, John R. Miles and Daniel Ellenberg examine how early conditioning trains men to equate worth with performance, stoicism, and self-reliance and how that training disrupts connection, intimacy, and the felt sense of significance across adulthood. The discussion explores why many capable, caring men experience isolation despite success, why vulnerability often feels dangerous rather than connective, and how reclaiming “strength with heart” restores agency, belonging, and relational vitality.
As part of the You Matter series — and leading toward the February 24th release of You Matter, Luma — this episode traces how lessons about visibility, emotional permission, and worth are learned early and reinforced across families, workplaces, and institutions.
This episode invites a deeper question: What happens to mattering when strength requires concealment, and what becomes possible when presence replaces performance?
If you care about relationships, leadership, men’s mental health, emotional development, or how people come to feel significant inside cultural systems, this conversation offers a grounded and humane perspective.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is consistently ranked among the world’s top podcasts for thoughtful conversations about meaning, agency, and belonging.

In This Episode, You Will Learn
How traditional masculinity conditions boys to armor against vulnerability early in life
Why proving strength through stoicism often undermines connection and intimacy
How emotional performance replaces presence in many male relationships
The difference between power as control and strength as integration
Why vulnerability signals mattering inside relationships and communities
How loneliness, isolation, and burnout emerge from unmet relational significance
What “strength with heart” looks like in leadership, parenting, and partnership
How authenticity restores agency and relational circulation
Resources & Links
Check the full show notes:
Download the Free Companion Reflection Guide:
Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma (Launching February 24): https://youmatterluma.com/
Connect with John — speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Learn More About Daniel Ellenberg:
https://strengthwithheart.com/
https://relationshipsthatwork.com/
Books Mentioned
Lovers for Life: Creating Lasting Passion, Trust, and True Partnership (with Judith Bell)
Support the Movement
Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter.
Wear it. Live it. Show it.
https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when the frameworks we use to make decisions no longer reflect how human lives actually work?
In this opening episode of the You Matter series on Passion Struck, renowned social psychologist Barry Schwartz joins the show to examine how modern decision-making systems—built on metrics, optimization, and rational choice theory—can quietly erode agency, judgment, and our sense of mattering.
Schwartz is best known for The Paradox of Choice, which revealed how an abundance of options often leads to dissatisfaction rather than freedom. In his new book, Choose Wisely, co-written with philosopher Richard Schuldenfrei, he extends this critique by challenging the foundations of rational choice theory itself—the economic model that assumes good decisions can be reduced to calculation, comparison, and optimization.
While behavioral economics acknowledges human irrationality, Schwartz argues that it preserves an incomplete definition of rational decision-making. Drawing from psychology, economics, and philosophy—and engaging directly with the legacy of Thinking, Fast and Slow—he proposes a richer framework grounded in framing, judgment, and what he calls a person’s “constellation of virtues.”
In this conversation, John R. Miles and Barry Schwartz explore how treating life as a spreadsheet of isolated wins distorts meaning, why judgment has been replaced by formulas, and how mattering is experienced not through utility, but through coherence, contribution, and relational significance over time.
This episode asks a central question for modern life: What does it mean to choose wisely when meaning cannot be quantified?
If you care about decision-making, leadership, autonomy, or how people come to feel significant in systems designed to optimize them, this conversation offers a clarifying and timely perspective.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, recognizing the show’s commitment to thoughtful, human-centered conversations like this one.
Check out Kalshi and use my code SB60 for a great deal: https://kalshi.com
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/barry-schwartz-choosing-wisely/
Download a Free Companion Reflection Guide: https://www.theignitedlife.net/p/art-of-choosing-wisely-barry-schwartz
Connect with John Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
Learn More About Barry Schwartz: https://www.swarthmore.edu/profile/barry-schwartz
The Paradox of Choice
Choose Wisely (with Richard Schuldenfrei)
Available wherever books are sold.
In This Episode, You Will Learn
Why rational choice theory fails to describe how people actually make decisions
How the paradox of choice leads to regret, dissatisfaction, and decision fatigue
Why judgment has been replaced by rules and metrics—and what that costs leaders and organizations
How framing shapes good decisions more than optimization
Why meaning emerges from narrative coherence rather than isolated outcomes
How treating people as interchangeable units of utility undermines mattering
The tension between autonomy and connectedness in modern, pluralistic societies

Support the Movement
Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We spend much of our lives searching for meaning through work, relationships, contribution, and purpose. But beneath that search lives a quieter, more fragile question, one we rarely say out loud:
Do I matter even when nothing is being made of me?
In this solo episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles moves beneath meaning itself to explore what actually holds a life together when direction, productivity, and explanation fall away. Through a deeply personal reflection on his final walk with his sister, Carolyn, he reveals how worth is not something we build or earn, but something that must first be felt and recognized.
This episode explores why meaning can feel unstable when the sense of mattering underneath it has not fully landed and why so many people feel unsettled, because worth has been quietly tied to motion, usefulness, or presence in others’ lives.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, recognizing the show’s ongoing commitment to thoughtful, human-centered conversations like this one.
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/the-question-beneath-meaning/
All links gathered here, including books, Substack, YouTube, and Start Mattering apparel:
https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
In This Episode, You Will Learn
The Question Beneath Meaning: Why worth precedes purpose and stabilizes identity at a deeper level.
Mattering vs. Meaning: How contribution organizes action, while mattering allows the self to rest without fracture.
Quiet Disorientation: Why internal drift can emerge even when life feels externally complete.
Why Modern Systems Can’t Register Worth: How productivity, engagement, and output crowd out presence.
Carolyn as the Proof Point: How shared presence transmits belonging without instruction or legacy-building.
Contingent Worth: Why motion becomes a stabilizing strategy when worth hasn’t fully integrated.
Stillness as Recognition: How pause, silence, and rest allow worth to land without performance.
The January Inquiry: A gentle question to carry forward without urgency or fixing.
What Comes Next: How the upcoming You Matter series turns recognition outward into daily life, choice, and belonging.
Companion Reflection & Integration Resources
Inside The Ignited Life, each episode in The Meaning Makers series is paired with reflection prompts and grounding practices designed to help you stay with the question long enough for real integration to occur—not to solve it, but to let recognition settle.
Explore the community: https://TheIgnitedLife.net
Connect with the Ecosystem
Pre-order You Matter, Luma (releasing February 24): https://youmatterluma.com/
Support the Movement: https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the host and guests and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when the systems we trust most struggle to correct themselves and the cost is paid by patients, families, and society?
In this deeply consequential episode of Passion Struck, investigative journalist Charles Piller joins the show to discuss his groundbreaking book Doctored: Fraud, Arrogance, and Tragedy in the Quest to Cure Alzheimer’s. Piller, a senior writer for Science magazine, has spent years examining how Alzheimer’s research became shaped by incentives, reputation, and institutional inertia—and what that meant for scientific progress and human lives.
At the center of this conversation is a pivotal 2006 Nature paper that helped cement the amyloid hypothesis as the dominant explanation for Alzheimer’s disease. That study shaped decades of funding, drug development, and clinical trials. Years later, independent analysts and researchers began raising concerns about manipulated images and the integrity of the data—concerns that moved slowly through formal channels while the research continued to guide practice.
In this episode, John R. Miles and Charles Piller explore how systems communicate mattering through responsiveness, how delay and diffusion affect trust, and how institutional silence carries human consequences. They also examine the role of independent watchdogs, whistleblowers, and investigative journalism in preserving scientific integrity, even when doing so carries personal and professional risk.
This conversation is not about cynicism toward science. It is about accountability, permeability, and the conditions that allow truth to remain alive within powerful systems.
If you care about medical ethics, scientific integrity, or how institutions shape human mattering, this episode offers a vital and clarifying perspective.
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/charles-piller-alzheimers-research-fraud/
Download a Free Companion Reflection Guide: https://www.theignitedlife.net/p/when-systems-decide-whether-people-matter
Connect with John
Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Pre-order the Children’s Book
You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
Learn More About Charles Piller
https://www.science.org/author/charles-piller
Book:
Doctored: Fraud, Arrogance, and Tragedy in the Quest to Cure Alzheimer’s
Available wherever books are sold.
In This Episode, You Will Learn
How Alzheimer’s research became shaped by incentives, prestige, and institutional coherence
Why responsiveness is a central signal of trust and mattering inside systems
How a single scientific paper influenced decades of funding and drug development
The role of independent analysts like Elisabeth Bik in protecting scientific integrity
Why whistleblowers such as Matthew Schrag face extraordinary personal and professional pressure
How delays and procedural diffusion affect patients and families in real time
The human story of Stephen Price and what clinical trials represent for those living with Alzheimer’s
What healthy systems require in order to remain open to correction and learning
Support the Movement
Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter.
Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if peak performance isn’t created by intensity, control, or relentless self-pressure, but by inner stability?
In this powerful episode of Passion Struck, Jim Murphy, performance coach to elite athletes and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Inner Excellence, joins the show to explore what truly sustains excellence under pressure.
Many listeners first encountered Inner Excellence when A.J. Brown was shown reading it on the NFL sideline during a playoff game. That moment sparked a national conversation—but Jim’s work has been shaping elite performers quietly for years.
In this conversation, John and Jim examine the inner architecture that allows people to remain grounded when the stakes are high. Jim explains how fear, ego, and self-centered thinking destabilize performance, and how cultivating love, wisdom, and courage creates inner freedom that carries across athletics, leadership, parenting, and everyday life.
Rather than focusing on tactics or motivation, this episode centers on the internal conditions that allow clarity, presence, and sustained performance to emerge. It offers a framework for anyone seeking excellence that endures—without burnout, anxiety, or collapse under pressure.
If you’ve ever wondered why success alone doesn’t steady the inner world—or how to remain anchored when everything is on the line—this conversation offers a path inward.
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/inner-excellence-jim-murphy/
Download a Free Companion Workbook: https://www.theignitedlife.net/p/jim-murphy-inner-excellence-pressure
Connect with John
Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Pre-order the Children’s Book
You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
Learn More About Jim Murphy
Website & newsletter: https://innerexcellence.com/
Book: Inner Excellence: Train Your Mind for Extraordinary Performance and the Best Possible Life
Available wherever books are sold.
In This Episode, You Will Learn
What Inner Excellence really means and why inner stability precedes peak performance
Why fear escalates under pressure and how “fear of fear” disrupts clarity and presence
How ego destabilizes performance by creating self-centered thinking and internal noise
The three pillars of Inner Excellence: love, wisdom, and courage
Why the heart plays a central role in sustained performance and fulfillment
How elite athletes remain grounded when expectations, scrutiny, and stakes rise
How to apply Inner Excellence beyond sports—in leadership, relationships, and daily life
What creates excellence that endures rather than collapses under pressure
Support the Movement
Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter.
Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.