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The Imperfects

Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
The Imperfects
Último episodio

295 episodios

  • The Imperfects

    The Nature of Being Alone

    09/08/2026 | 1 h 5 min
    Can nature help us to feel less alone?
    💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/
    Psychologist on the incredible, Alone Australia series (remember our seminal episode with Gina Chick?), Mark Mathieson is in the Academy of Imperfection to help us understand how nature regulates our body, and how we can reconnect to it in this digital age.
    Mark talks about how to uncover the person behind the persona, the science behind gardening, and why Hugh had the best sleep of his life in a tent, with no pillow.
    According to Mark, human are immensely capable of change, and this episode provides a few things we can do to ensure nature is incorporated into our routines, without cramming the schedule more.
    Mark, it was great to be alone . . . with you.
    If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIMSSRJg2vQ

    0:00 – Ice breaker: where have we gone wrong?6:58 – The segmentation of exercise11:46 – Evolution of Mark18:53 – Person behind the persona24:10 – Our virtual reality future27:22 – Let’s learn to adapt36:00 – Building relationships with nature42:28 – The science of gardening and sunshine48:53 – Eventually, reality TV gets us all53:08 – Big city blues
    🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
    Gina Chick - Don’t Fight Life - https://bit.ly/4xj0kga
    Sean Turnell - A Prisoner’s Guide to Life - https://bit.ly/4btNKCu
    Sex for Normal People with Ita O’Brien - https://bit.ly/4btNNya
    Dr Emily - The (pesky) Hedonistic Treadmill - https://bit.ly/4yXxx2B
    Dr Paul Callaghan - How To Follow The Dreaming Path - https://bit.ly/457l9PY
    📚Things to read
    Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter - https://bit.ly/4pV10Ga
    The Dreaming Path, by Dr Paul Callaghan and Uncle Paul Gordon - https://bit.ly/4gctqrZ
    📺 Things to watch
    Alone Australia (new season out now) - https://bit.ly/4yWVW8n
    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop
    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop
    🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects
    🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects
    All views expressed in this podcast are Mark Mathieson’s and not representative of the Department of Defence, Australia.
    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
  • The Imperfects

    Briggs - What Racism Feels Like (feat. Nazeem Hussain)

    02/08/2026 | 1 h 20 min
    What is racism, really?
    💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/
    Adam Briggs, rapper, writer, actor, senator and Yorta-Yorta man, joins Hugh, Josh and guest host Nazeem Hussain, to have an honest conversation about racism in Australia.
    We explore the impact of The Voice Referendum vote, how culture and community impacts identity, and why Briggs has never, ever felt the need to people please (yep, that’s the sound of us frantically scribbling down notes).
    Briggs also chats about the highs and lows of bipolar II.

    0:00 – No boundaries Briggs
    5:26 –Big Shep’ Washing Machine
    12:25 – This is racism
    21:27 – A hyper-vigilante
    28:06 – Perfect storm for art
    36:09 – Copping it Australia Wide
    43:22 – The Yes Vote
    53:08 – Australian Culture
    57:02 – Never just about music
    1:04:50 – Make Aboriginal Cool
    1:09:19 – Bipolar, therapy, training
    🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode
    Ben Shewry (Pt 1) - The Other Side of Excellence - https://bit.ly/4fErGpQ
    Ben Shewry (Pt 2) - How The Chef Was Made - https://bit.ly/45sPsR7
    Ben Shewry - Making It Right (And Delicious) - https://bit.ly/4gXyDEZ
    Nazeem Hussain - Losing a Parent - https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-imperfects/id1476501557?i=1000589981824
    🎧Things to listen to
    Big Noter - https://www.thebignoter.com
    The Children Came Back by Briggs & Gurrumul - https://bit.ly/4fGaxMH
    📺Things to watch
    Briggs’s Voice Referendum ad - https://bit.ly/4bkiTs2
    📚Things to read
    Our Home, Our Heartbeat by Adam Briggs - https://bit.ly/4yQKbjW
    💻Things to check out
    Rumbalara Football Netball Club - https://www.rfnc.com.au/
    Bad Apples Music - https://bit.ly/4x8Rdi3
    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
    🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - https://www.patreon.com/c/TheImperfects
    🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects
    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
  • The Imperfects

    Sex for Normal People with Ita O'Brien

    26/07/2026 | 1 h 1 min
    Sex is sometimes a taboo topic. Not today! Intimacy expert Ita O’Brien tells us all about the new normal in the bedroom, and how she’s introduced it to Hollywood.
    💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy
    In 2017, Ita O’Brien changed how Hollywood approached sex scenes when she pioneered intimacy co-ordination on the hit Netflix show, Sex Education, by introducing the framework, “Intimacy On Set Guidelines”. She went on to on productions for Netflix, BBC, HBO, Hulu, Amazon, including Sex Education and Normal People, founding her own company Intimacy on Set.
    And now she’s here.
    Ita chats with the guys about what sex scenes were like before Intimacy Co-ordination, and all the lies movies taught us about sex. She explains the mysterious orgasm gap, why consent is the foundation of all intimacy, and maybe most importantly of all… the male and female anatomy of arousal! That bit’s at the 16min mark if you’re really in a hurry. 😉

    00:00 – Meet Ita O'Brien, the World's First Intimacy Coordinator
    01:32 – Inside Her Work on Normal People, I May Destroy You & Sex Education
    04:17 – What Intimacy Actually Means (It's Not Just Sex)
    07:34 – The Untold Story of the First-Ever Intimacy Coordinator Job
    09:35 – What Sex Scenes Were Like Before Consent Guidelines Existed
    12:27 – Why On-Screen Intimacy Shapes How We See Ourselves
    14:33 – The Hidden Lie Movies Taught Us About Sex
    16:00 – The Male Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
    18:33 – The Female Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
    23:17 – Why Desire Fades in Long-Term Relationships
    25:59 – The Power of Touch (and Why We're Losing It)
    30:39 – How Screens Are Rewiring Kids' Ability to Connect
    34:08 – The Truth About the Orgasm Gap
    40:30 – Why Consent Is the Foundation of All Intimacy
    43:10 – Filming the Iconic Birth Scene in We Live in Time
    49:52 – How to Talk to Kids About Consent and Bodies
    52:24 – "Consent Is Sexy": A Call to Writers and Filmmakers
    54:33 – Sex, Menopause and Intimacy at Every Life Stage
    📖Things to read
    Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires by Ita O’Brien - https://www.penguin.com.au/books/intimacy-9781529954043
    📺 Things to watch
    Sex Education (Netflix) - https://www.netflix.com/title/80197526
    Normal People (BBC/Hulu) - https://www.hulu.com/series/normal-people
    I May Destroy You (BBC/HBO) - https://www.hbo.com/i-may-destroy-you
    Catastrophe - https://www.amazon.com/Catastrophe-Season-1/dp/B00YGB8UYK
    We Live in Time (Film4/A24) - https://www.a24films.com/films/we-live-in-time
    🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
    Esther Perel — Let's Be Better Lovers - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BantQso5Ef3xPn4PWNG2I
    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
    🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
    🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects
    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
  • The Imperfects

    Our Phone Odyssey Begins

    19/07/2026 | 1 h 12 min
    Could you live without your phone for a month?
    🩵To hear more episodes like this, join A Little More Imperfects!
    Patreon - www.patreon.com/theimperfects
    Apple - http://apple.co/theimperfects

    This week it's just the three of us. And like Odysseus before us, we embark on a life changing epic.
    Where he fought the trojans, monsters, cannibals, sirens, the oceans, a cyclops and ACTUAL GODS!!
    We will do something even ‘EPIC…ER’.
    We’re tackling our phones.
    Each of us take on a month-long challenge to fix our worst phone habits, inspired by the ‘god of no phones’ - Christopher Nolan and the release of THE ODYSSEY (if that wasn’t obvious already, but we promise this episode isn't an ad).
    We then share some of our favourite bits from behind the pay wall, from our Patreon/Subscriber community. Ryan has an unplanned, very generous on-air hair donation; Josh shares a bit from a book which changed his life a bit; which leads to one of the most honest conversations he and Hugh have ever had on (or off) the show, about comparison, self-esteem, and growing up idolising your older brother.
    This is one epic journey.
    00:00 — The Phone Odyssey Begins
    08:54 — Our Phone-Free Pledges
    19:11 — Modelling Better Habits at Home
    25:29 — Hairing is Caring
    37:57 — A Bit From a Book That Changed Josh’s Life a Bit
    48:18 — The Conversation Between Brothers That Needed to Be Had
    🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
    Bronte Campbell - Comparison, The thief of joy ****https://bit.ly/49S1S7C
    Joe Brumm & Hamish Blake - A Bluey Print for Dads https://bit.ly/4w4ohI8
    How (and why) Ryan Dumped his iPhone https://bit.ly/3T3xdyM
    Sam Willoughby - The tragic injury that changed his life (and Ryan’s Finnastride admission) https://bit.ly/4fa5u8p
    📖 Things to read
    The midnight library - Matt Haigh https://bit.ly/4vGgnE0
    How Proust can change your life - Alain de Botton https://bit.ly/4dYfCkd
    In search of lost time - Marcel Proust https://bit.ly/4vt3lJG
    📺Things to watch
    The Odyssey https://bit.ly/4vY8nij
    Christopher Nolan on 60minutes https://bit.ly/4yjfZgX
    💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/
    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/
    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/
    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
  • The Imperfects

    Dr Emily - You, Me & Jealousy

    12/07/2026 | 1 h 5 min
    To be jealous is to be human. It is what you do with that feeling that counts.
    💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy
    Our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove is in the studio to talk about THAT podcast moment: the one where Ryan admitted he was jealous of Hugh and Hamish Blake’s relationship. The one that lives in Imperfects history.
    According to Dr Em, we develop the emotion of jealousy at just 9 months old, and it shows up everywhere; family, work, school, friends.
    Feelings around jealousy can be extremely painful, especially if it is accompanied by shame.
    In this episode, Dr Emily explores why jealousy can be so dangerous when not listened to, and why our jealous behaviour can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
    See you on the other side.
    If you want to watch this full video on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/dlufNQ7iXCc
    00:00 - The Day Has Arrived
    02:48 - When Ryan Revealed He Was Jealous of Hugh & Hamish
    7:45 - Shame Tells You Not To Speak It
    10:02 - Harry Styles Walks Into a Super Market
    15:54 - You’re Making My Dog Jealous
    22:31 - Feeling Jealous vs Being Jealous
    43:49 - Hugh, Ryan & Hamish: 4 Years Later
    47:50 - How To Have The Conversation (And Build Trust)
    59:32 - You Can Feel Jealous AND Still Trust

    🫖 Episodes mentioned in this episode
    Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self Doubt - https://bit.ly/3QG8MXo
    💻Things to check out
    Uncertainty vs inevitable pain study - https://bit.ly/43NWFKQ
    🎵Songs to listen to
    Jealous Guy by John Lennon - https://bit.ly/43NWzCY
    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
    🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
    🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Acerca de The Imperfects
We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.
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