Parenting with Impact

Ever look at your ADHD kid and think, "I know they want to do well — so why can't they just get started?" This week, cognitive engineer and ADHD coach Jeff Copper joins Elaine to break down a completely new way of understanding motivation and executive function. You'll learn why "unmotivated" is almost always the wrong word, why extra time isn't the accommodation you think it is, and why talking things through with your kid might be one of the most powerful tools you have. This one's dense — you may want to listen twice. Tap in for a total shift in how you see effort, motivation, and what your ADHD kid is actually up against.

What to expect in this episode:
A new way to understand ADHD motivation using Dr. Russell Barkley's two-brain model
Why calling executive function an "impairment" can actually reduce shame, not increase it
Why rewards and willpower fall short as long-term motivation strategies
Why extra time isn't the relief parents assume it is
Why talking things through with your kid is a real, research-backed accommodation

About Jeff Copper
Jeff Copper is a cognitive engineer and ADHD coach. He is founder of DIG Coaching Practice, Attention Talk Radio, and Attention Talk Video. He holds professional designations from ICF and PAAC and certifications from ADD Coach Academy and Coaches Training Institute. A member of ADDA, CHADD, ACO, PAAC, and ICF, Jeff developed Cognitive Ergonomics From the Inside Out®, a radical departure from the current ADHD intervention paradigm. In recognition of his contributions, he received the ACO's 2022 Professional Excellence Award. Jeff continues to innovate in attention coaching, helping individuals understand and manage their ADHD challenges.
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Connect with Jeff
Facebook (optional):  https://www.facebook.com/adultaddcoach
X Handle (optional)   https://twitter.com/digcoaching
Linkedin (optional)   https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeff-copper  
Instagram (optional)   https://instagram.com/dig.coaching 
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Connect with Impact Parents:
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/impactparents

High-conflict divorce can feel like a life sentence — especially when you're fighting over your child's health and well-being, and neither parent will budge. In this episode, Elaine sits down with Alanah, an attorney and civil rights advocate, who shares how she transformed a near-litigation co-parenting nightmare into a working relationship built on mutual respect and collaboration. Alanah breaks down the exact shift that changed everything — and what she did when her co-parent wasn't on board yet. If you've ever felt trapped in a conflict you can't get out of, this one's for you. Listen now and find out what's actually possible.

What to expect in this episode:
The parenting covenant strategy: How Alanah transformed a stack of legal pleadings into a clear, shared vision, and how to distill what you actually want from a conflict so you can start working toward it.
What to do when your co-parent isn't on board: Practical guidance on enrolling a resistant co-parent in a new vision without forcing it on them.
Why alignment beats agreement: The crucial difference between trying to agree on specifics and starting with what you both already share: your child's well-being.
Real-time coaching and "texting from the ledge": Why practicing new patterns in the middle of a real conflict, not just during a coaching session, is what makes change stick.
The shift from "have to" to "get to": How Alanah moved from feeling like a prisoner in her co-parenting dynamic to feeling genuinely liberated and what that shift actually required.

Download free guide: Top 12 Tips To Help Your Complex Kids

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You’ve tried the systems recommended for helping complex kids—reward charts, planners, new morning routines—and they’re just not sticking for your kid. It isn’t that you’re using bad systems, it's that often we’re starting with the solution before we understand the problem. In this episode, Elaine and Diane unpack why systems and structures are the last piece of the parenting puzzle, not the first, and walk you through a practical, personalized approach to building routines that actually hold up for neurodiverse kids. Ready to stop guessing and start problem solving? This one's for you.

What to expect in this episode:
Why systems and structures come last in the ImpactParents model.
The real reason reward charts and planners only work some of the time.
How to problem-solve before you pick a system using real world scenarios and practical examples.
Why buy-in and ownership are essential for complex kids and how to get them on board without a power struggle.
The concept of "flexible structure": how to build routines that are solid enough to hold, but have enough give to survive a hard day.

Download free guide: Top 12 Tips To Help Your Complex Kids

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Are you holding your complex kid to expectations that weren't built for their brain? In this episode, Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Diane Dempster dig into one of the most misunderstood concepts in parenting neurodiverse kids: shifting expectations—not lowering or eliminating them. You'll learn why the gap between expectation and reality is the root of most conflicts, the reasons why your complex kid might be struggling to meet the bar you set, and what it means to meet your kid where they are. If you’re raising a kid with ADHD or executive function challenges, this one’s an essential listen. Tune in, then head to ImpactParents.com to find out how you can keep learning with Sanity School® for Parents.

What to expect in this episode:
The 30% rule explained: Kids with executive function challenges are often 30% behind peers developmentally, which translates to 3–5 years for younger kids and 8–10 years for young adults. 
Shifting vs. lowering—they’re not the same thing: Understand the difference between abandoning your expectations and moving them to where your kid can actually reach them, then growing from there.
Every trigger starts with a gap: The space between what you expect and what your kid delivers is the root cause of most conflicts at home.
Process over outcome: Holding neurodiverse kids accountable to how they approach tasks (rather than just whether they finish them) is what really builds long-term capability and self-worth.
The collaborative piece: Setting expectations isn't something you do to your kid, it's something you do with them, and buy-in from your child is what makes the whole thing stick.

Download free guide: Top 12 Tips To Help Your Complex Kids

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Being nice and being positive aren't the same thing—and if you're parenting a complex kid, that distinction matters. In this episode, Elaine Taylor-Klaus and Diane Dempster dig into the second Sanity School® cornerstone: positivity and communication. They cover why resilience more than intelligence influences success, what the "independence pyramid" is built on, and how the way you talk to your kid (and to yourself) shapes everything from relationships to self-regulation. It's part two of a four-part series. You can catch up on the first episode about activating your child’s brain and follow along so you don't miss the rest.
What to expect in this episode:
Why being positive isn't the same as being nice, and why that distinction matters for parenting complex kids
Why resilience, not intelligence, is the biggest predictor of a kid's long-term success, and how to build it
What the "independence pyramid" is, and why relationship, trust, and communication have to come in that order
How tone, timing, and what your kid actually hears (versus what you meant) shape every conversation
Why self-talk is a form of self-care, and how changing your own internal dialogue changes how you show up for your kid
Download free guide: Top 12 Tips To Help Your Complex Kids
Connect with ImpactParents: 
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