Infinite Devotion

How to Be Untriggerable | Infinite Devotion Episode 149



In this week’s episode Dawn and I dig into a word I've used for years, one that keeps coming back to me from listeners, especially men: untriggerable.



This episode is about what that word actually means to us, why most people go about it the wrong way, and what it's really taken for us to get to the other side of the things that used to set us off.



In This Episode

Why the word "untriggerable" resonates with so many people, and why nobody wants to feel triggered in the first place

Why we can't discipline our way into being untriggerable, and why effort and force actually work against us

The real definition: being untriggerable means encountering the thing that used to upset us and having it not upset us anymore, not forcing ourselves to not react

Why we have to let ourselves get triggered, fully and repeatedly, instead of trying to shut the reaction down

The four survival responses, fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and how each one has shown up differently for each of us

Why the fawn response is likely the most common one in men, and how it shows up as the "nice guy" pattern

Why being untriggerable is never about the moment we're in, it's about what happens next time

How resisting a trigger keeps it alive, and why trying to talk ourselves out of a feeling is the same suppression that created the pattern to begin with

Gabor Maté's idea that trauma is self-inflicted, meaning the event is one thing and the ongoing suffering we build on top of it is another

How single-sentence beliefs get written in childhood, before language even exists, and how life keeps handing us "evidence" for them

Why it can take until your late 30s or 40s for these patterns to run out of road

The different way triggers show up for men and women: women often protect the physical body, men often protect the heart, and why understanding that difference matters more than fully relating to it

Why "your triggers are gifts" is true even though it hasn't felt that way to us in the moment

Why this whole process isn't something we can do perfectionistically, and what it's actually felt like as it's started to change for us



Quotes Worth Sitting With

"You can't discipline yourself out of a reaction."

"Being untriggerable isn't about this time. Think about next time."

"Every attempt to talk yourself out of feeling what you're already feeling is the whole process just keeping itself alive."

"The trauma is all based in the reaction that we have to it, and the meanings that we make out of it."

The Kid Nobody Picked: An Open Q&A With My Men's Group | Infinite Devotion Episode 148



Every Wednesday morning I get on a call with the men inside Becoming a Dominant Man and answer their questions. This time I flipped it and told them to ask me anything.



They did. What came back was a mix of the light and the heavy, which is how life actually goes. My bike. My sex toys, or lack thereof. What it actually takes to prepare for a nomadic life. How you get a dog to the vet without an address. And the friend who died at 38 a few days before this call, and what that did to my thinking about power exchange, plans, and time.



The heaviest question was the one about what makes me different as a dominant man. The answer is nothing, except that I've been willing to sit down with the seven year old who got picked on all day and let him say what he never got to say. Including the part where I admitted, out loud, that I still half believe nobody likes me.



In this episode:

The bike I ride and why drop bars saved my shoulders

Best and worst part of RV life (same answer for both)

Whether constant novelty kills novelty

My two biggest challenges building a 24/7 power exchange, and why life never gets in the way of it

Ten years of preparation, six months of purging, and the storage unit I now regret

Why community on the road is still the problem I haven't solved

Escapees mail service, Banfield, Discount Tire, and the unglamorous logistics of no fixed address

Abundance as acceptance, Carl Jung, and the two year old running most men's lives

Why a sailboat would be a hundred times harder than an RV

The only honest answer to "where's your favorite place you've been"



More from Infinite Devotion:
Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog
Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion

Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store

We haven't done one of these in a long time, so we sat down by the fire and answered your questions. Yours, all 6,500 plus of you who follow along on email and social, and Dawn's own following too. This week is every safe for work question you sent in. The sexual ones, the kinky ones, those are coming soon to the paid platforms.



In this episode Dawn gets into:

How she handles getting emotionally dysregulated without asking me to fix her, and why "help me" used to be a crutch

Practicing trust and surrender when the future of your marriage feels genuinely uncertain

The fear of losing this connection, and why what you're actually afraid of is never what you think it is

Why "life gets in the way" is the wrong frame entirely, and what to do instead

Her advice for a younger dom sub couple trying to build something that lasts

How she handles public opinion, criticism, and being recognized in public

Her favorite version of me that almost nobody else ever gets to see

What she's had to unlearn about sex, marriage, and monogamy

What she thinks couples misunderstand most about staying alive to each other over the long haul

Our actual morning and evening routines, no filter

How I show up for her when she's sick

What to do when your partner's preferences don't match your needs, and how to tell the difference between a hard no and a freeze response

The words that actually comfort her when she's struggling, and why there's no perfect sentence a man can say

How she handles it when she feels like I'm dropping the ball, and why that question itself was worth taking apart

And the one we get asked every single time we do one of these: when exactly did she fall from heaven



All the NSFW questions, the sexual ones, the dirty ones, the kinky ones, will be coming in the weeks ahead on Dawn's OnlyFans and inside the Infinite Devotion Community. Keep an eye out.



Dawn's OnlyFans: https://dawnofdesire.net
Infinite Devotion Community: https://community.infinitedevotion.com



Listen to the full episode:
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion



More from Infinite Devotion:
Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog
Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion

Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store



CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS:



00:00 Fireside Chat Setup

02:09 Ask Dawn Anything Begins

03:08 Self Regulation and Support

06:47 Surrender in Crisis

09:57 Keeping the Dynamic Alive

15:02 Fear of Losing Connection

16:44 Advice for Engaged Couples

19:25 Handling Public Image

22:33 Containment and Desire

28:04 Favorite Side of Andrew

29:51 Unlearning Marriage Myths

31:31 Desire Keeps Love Alive

33:23 Fantasy Versus Real Kinks

33:54 Learning Self Love

36:11 Morning Night Rituals

38:33 Care When Sick

39:53 Needs Wants And No

43:54 Support Without Fixing

49:24 Sub Dom Control Trap

54:52 Closing And Heaven Joke

This week we get into one of the most practical ways I lead in our relationship: taking ownership of our health optimization. It started with a routine idea to get full blood work done and turned into a discovery that Dawn's ferritin was at seven, that I have early markers for Hashimoto's, and that Dawn carries a genetic marker (lipoprotein A) that changes how her body handles certain fats.



Along the way we talk about what it actually means for a man to lead, why individualized data beats throwing darts at a dartboard, and how being cared for this deeply lands for the one receiving it.



A few things we cover:

Why circulating iron and ferritin are not the same thing, and why it matters

What a standard yearly checkup tends to miss

Using your own body's data instead of internet rules about "good" and "bad" foods

How health optimization becomes a place to lead, and to be led

Eat the chip



Function Health

We are not affiliated with Function Health in any way (yet, but if anyone from Function sees this...call me!) I just love what it's done for us and want to share it. They have a referral program that gives anyone who signs up an extra $25 discount, and gives us a $25 credit in return.

Click here to join Function with $25 off your first year



If you sign up and learn something helpful about yourself, come tell us. We’d love to hear it.





Links:
Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
All of our courses and offerings: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
Becoming a Dominant Man: https://infinitedevotion.com/becoming-a-dominant-man
Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion



Connect

Instagram: @_infinitedevotion

YouTube: @infinitedevotion

• • More writing on the blog

CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS:



00:00 Welcome Back Lakeside

01:11 Leading Through Health

02:50 Ferritin Wake Up Call

07:37 Taking Charge of Care

10:35 Function Health Discovery

14:27 AI Powered Tracking

20:05 Biometrics Environment Data

26:09 Supplement Tweaks Results

27:50 Dawn Perspective Perfectionism

31:45 Cholesterol LpA Genetic Risk

34:18 Actionable Heart Risk Plan

35:14 CT Scan Peace of Mind

36:20 Lowering LDL Ammo

37:29 Rethinking Cooking Fats

38:56 Fear to Self Trust

44:12 Love Leadership Polarity

47:20 Body Signals and Salt

49:03 Different Bodies Same Meals

52:57 Grounding the Fear

56:31 Why He Leads Health

01:00:52 Advocacy and Wrap Up

The first version of us you ever saw was the least authentic version of us you'll ever see. Same goes for you, if you’re doing the work and going inward in your life. Every new thing that surfaces as you shed conditioning is truer than what came before it, which means the person your partner is becoming is more real than the one they used to be.



Dawn joined me for this one, and we recorded outside by a lake in northern Wisconsin. Bugs, birds, wind, squeaky lawn chairs, all of it. Slowest, easiest conversation we've had on here in a long time.



What we get into:

Where we've been since April (Grand Canyon, Page, southern Utah, Moab, Yellowstone, the Black Hills) and why moving weekly burned me out

Why I've been pivoting away from the dominant/submissive framing, and why none of the teaching actually changes

The version of you that lives in everyone else's mind, and what happens when you stop matching it

What it means when someone else's life makes you think "how dare they"

Permission versus acceptance, and why permission can't be used as a tool to pry something out of your partner

Why intimacy and sex are not the same word

One year of adult content: what surprised us, what Dawn found in it, and what I'm still working out for myself



We'll probably do more of these outside.



If this one lands for you, take five seconds and leave a five star review on Apple or Spotify, or drop a comment on YouTube. It's the only thing I ask in return for everything we give away, and it's what puts this in front of more people.



Links:
Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
All of our courses and offerings: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
Becoming a Dominant Man: https://infinitedevotion.com/becoming-a-dominant-man
Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion



Connect

Instagram: @_infinitedevotion

YouTube: @infinitedevotion

More writing on the blog



CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS:



00:00 Lakeside Podcast Setup

01:57 Why We’re Here Today

04:15 Beyond Dom Sub Labels

09:20 RV Pace and Burnout

11:44 Southwest Route Highlights

16:50 Boondocking and Remote Living

18:25 Page Arizona and Lake Powell

21:25 Antelope Canyon Must See

22:39 Moab Parks and Mountain Detour

24:50 Yellowstone Awe and Wildlife

28:56 Dakotas Stops and Badlands Take

32:56 Wisconsin Reset and Fan Meetup

34:53 RV Parking Requests

35:19 Avoiding Big Cities

36:14 Adult Content Backlash

38:58 Authenticity Evolution

48:52 Acceptance in Relationships

52:44 Permission vs Safety

57:37 Porn First Then Depth

01:00:54 First Year Reflections

01:07:48 Romance Books Mirror

01:12:55 Lakeside Wrap Up

01:14:20 Rate and Review



Join the Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community