Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Globally, hundreds of millions of men contend with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation. One 2021 US national survey found an overall ED prevalence rate in men of around 24% — that’s nearly one in four.
But even in men’s work spaces (men’s groups, retreats, etc.), one rarely hears these topics discussed. Why?
In a word: shame.
Here, Luke and I debrief our recent course, Sexual Mastery, and what patterns we saw in terms of what it actually takes to heal sexual dysfunction — from ED to delayed ejaculation — in a lasting way.
Spoiler: it's not just a pill or a breathing technique. And it's definitely not about drilling your dick into submission.
We also touch on an unexpected edge that several men had to lean into in order to start having the sex lives they've always wanted, and how your unprocessed grief about your father — yes, really — might have everything to do with your erection.
If you've ever felt like something's off but couldn't name it — or, when it comes to your penis, like you've tried the "logical" fixes and they haven't worked — this one's for you.
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"You can't drill the dick into obeying. It requires care."
“Shame is one of the most uncomfortable sensations in the body.”
“We were going to have to traverse the shadowland.”
"What is more insulting to a man, with all of that conditioning, than not being able to have control of your penis? Fuck, if that is not painful."
“As one man took the leap … it was an irresistible magnet to pull the next man in.”
"I remember thinking: this man's whole life is different now. He cannot go back to the way that things were."
“It was probably the most transformative, creative artistic experience I’ve ever been a part of.”
"All an emotion is, is cellular vitality and blood flow. At a physical level. At a spiritual level, it's a raw sense of aliveness — your essence vibrating through you."

Do you ever wish you were more grounded, had stronger boundaries, felt more clear and aligned in your purpose, and could powerfully ask for what you want and need?
If so, then you might resonate with Nice Guy Synrdome, and you probably want stronger YANG energy (as opposed to YIN energy). Here, Luke breaks down the mind-body connection through the lens of traditional Chinese medicine (TCM). explaining how unspoken resentment, chronic worry, and swallowed boundaries don't just affect your relationships — they show up in your immune system, your gut, and your posture.
Meanwhile, we get real about what women actually feel in the presence of a man who's either checked out of his power or swinging it around like a wrecking ball (spoiler: neither feels safe or sexy).
The good news? Yang energy can be rebuilt — and faster than you think, especially in community. We dig into why breathwork and meditation are such powerful tools for men ready to stop walking on eggshells and start showing up fully. If you've ever wondered why you're so tired, why you can't seem to ask for what you want, or why something just feels stuck — this one's for you.
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"The yuckiness that I'm not stating, I will produce and absorb. I'll swallow it, put it down into my own system, and then I will digest that angst, that resentment, that grief, that sadness."
"The state of mind that brought on the disease cannot be the state of mind that cures the disease. Don't change who you are — and the disease has no choice but to remain the same."
"When I — or my women friends — can feel that a man is deeply present, and that he has the capacity to stand up for himself… that is sexy."
"When you watch another man break through — you feel proud, and you feel: if he could do it, I can do it. Because I relate to him and his pain and his story. I know his story, because it's my story."
"Let's get on with the business of living! Who knows how much time we have?"
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

The kids are almost out of the house. And there's this quiet, low-grade dread that when they go … you'll both be left staring across the table at someone you believe you love but barely know anymore.
That dread is well-founded. Couples are 40% more likely to divorce after kids leave home. Divorce rates for Americans over 55 have doubled since 1990. And roughly half of all divorces now happen to couples who are 50+ — right in this window. The empty nest isn't just an emotional transition. It's a relationship reckoning.
But there's a surprising and uplifting twist here: research also shows that couples who do the work don't just survive empty nest syndrome — they thrive. Studies show that folks in tended marriages report higher closeness and intimacy after the kids leave. The difference between couples who split and those who catch fire again? Those that see it coming and take action.
Here we speak honestly about what they see in men who sensed flatness in their relationship for years and didn't act. Men in near-sexless marriages telling themselves it's "fine." And men who finally did the work — and found themselves having the best sex of their marriage in their 50s, feeling closer to their wives than they ever have. As one put it, "I didn't even know this was possible. We're having more fun now and being more sexually adventurous than either of us could ever have imagined!"
We also cover a truth that as a culture we don't always like to talk about: The fastest way to reignite your relationship is not always couples therapy.
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
“We haven’t really had a relationship since the kids were born.”
“We’re close to if not at the border of a sexless relationship.”
“I can feel my partner slipping away.”
“I’m not willing to spend my life in something this stuck.”
"I don't just want it to be good; I want it to be fucking amazing!"
"She knew I was never going anywhere. But once that changed — she started relating to me differently."
“This is one of the main places men can step up.”
“There’s this gap I want to bridge.”
“Is this it? Is this the rest of my life?”
“The sooner you get on top of this, the better.”
“One of the fastest ways to polarize your relationship is to deepen your relationship with healthy men.”
“Deep brotherhood changes us. We make bolder choices; we recover from challenge faster; we feel more connected to ourselves.”
“What’s actually happening in my marriage NOW?”

Have you been through some sh*t? Or maybe you’re in it now.
If you feel stuck, or that there’s stagnant energy in your system that needs some unblocking, Breathwork can be a way of getting MOVING.
It can help you to finally let go.
Perhaps you’re not getting what you want in sex and intimacy, or maybe you just feel empty a lot of the time and don’t know what to do about it.
Or maybe you could write a PhD on your “issues” but you know you need to go beyond talking about it.
Whether you’re still knotted up with sexual shame, or you’re married and trying to figure out why it's so hard for you to lead his wife, or you’re dating going into freeze — or you’ve got patterns around money and finance, the root cause is often the same:
Unprocessed "stuff."
Carrying around tension is like walking through life weighed down by a backpack full of rocks. You don't always realize it's there until you're freed from it.
Plus, women are magnetically drawn to men who are relaxed and grounded in their bodies. That relaxed, open state doesn't just happen, and it's not something you're born with. There are things you can do to get there.
When it comes to processing trauma, shame, or just general stuckness, talking has limited efficacy. That's part of why you may not have gotten the results you were looking for through talk therapy or couples counseling. It's usually when we work the body (hi, somatic therapy) that we truly experience breakthroughs. Or as my guest, Luke Adler, puts it:
"The beauty of breathwork is that you add tremendous fuel and bypass the mind."
Memorable quotes from this episode:
"We men have been acculturated to be thickened up."
"It made clear where things were really working in my life and where they weren’t."
"Whatever system is stagnant — it’s going to move."
"People’s pace needs to be honored."
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Ever felt obligated to "take the next step" in a relationship -- for example, becoming exclusive, moving in together, getting married, buying a house, having children, etc.?
Was it what you really wanted, or was it just what your partner or others thought you should be doing at that point?
Millions of people quietly make alternative life choices and relationship choices -- but we rarely talk about them. Enter Amy Gahran and her book, Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator.
In the world of sex, dating, and love relationships, the cultural norm is the "relationship escalator" -- it's the familiar rom-com plotline where you date, become monogamous, put a ring on it, get married, buy a single-family home in the suburbs (don't forget the white picket fence!), have children, and then only "win" at marriage if you stay together until death parts you. You never get to acknowledge attraction to anyone else, and you both avoid questions around emotional closeness with anyone outside your relationship.
Here, we talk about what it looks like to get OFF the relationship escalator.Here are a few concrete examples:
You want kids, and your partner doesn't. Instead of breaking up, your partner and their close friend become co-parents. You all cohabitate.
You've gotten divorced, but you're still close friends with your ex-spouse. They buy the house across the street and you hang out all the time. You've become close with their new dating partner.
After living alone and realizing you feel lonely and isolated, you choose to move back in with housemates -- and you're happier than you've been in a long time

Amy Gahran has interviewed hundreds of people who are off the escalator and are engaging in creative relationships of all kinds. If you've ever wondered what else was possible, listen to this.
Memorable quotes from this episode:
"More is possible."
"You have options. And even if you want to keep doing what you're doing, make it a conscious choice."
"Cultivate the skill to re-negotiate because I can guarantee that at some point you're going to need to."
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Amy's site: https://offescalator.com/