Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

• 378: 'It’s never been natural for me to reach out when I’m in the sh*t’ (ft. Jason Lange & Luke Adler)

  When things are bad, are you good at asking for support?More than once, we've had clients disappear for a bit, and upon reappearing say things like, "Sorry, I just had one of the worst weeks of my life last week."And we wonder: Why, during some of your darker times, are you not reaching out for love?Here we break down the reasons why this pattern exists. Why is it so hard for men in particular to ask for help? What helps shift a man from this kind of pattern into a healthier one of interdependence?And how does all of this show up in a marriage, love relationship, or even in dating? Because make no mistake -- it does.If you want to be successful with women, be the best husband you can be, or just feel more settled, grounded, and confident when it comes to dating or relating, check this out.Support the podcast and join The Heart of Shadow at melaniecurtin.com/heartofshadowWork with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“You don’t know the love that you’re missing.”“I don’t want to share this because it could be ammo for attack.”“Men don’t want to be a burden, and ‘put their feelings on someone else.’”“I’ve been there — men hold it all inside.”“I gotta go back to that stoic man who doesn’t need other people.”“We don’t trust society. We don’t trust culture.”“So much of the wounding men carry come from peer relationships when they were young.”“When one man brings forth the truth or vulnerability, it inspires the other men.”“Every time a man disrupts this kind of culture, you’re lighting the way for another man.”“When we collapse and don’t reach out, there’s something in the background: This belief that there’s not enough. Not enough money, not enough money, not enough women.”“Is my wife gonna still love me tomorrow?”“What is masculinity? That’s the debate we’re having right now as a culture.”“It just leaps out of our hearts.”“It’s moving from ‘I am alone’ to ‘I belong.’”“By joining the group, you actually become more yourself.”“The shared value is: We want to grow.”“As I was running myself ragged, I was running my wife ragged.”“I’m just going to be here with you in it.”

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• 377: How do you overcome the fear of being alone? (ft. Jason Lange & Luke Adler)

  "I'm afraid that if I don't do what she wants, she'll leave ... and then I'll be alone."The truth is, almost all human beings have a visceral, primal fear of being alone. We are social animals, and our survival has depended on inter-connectivity since time immemorial. We fear and are stressed by isolation, separation, and loneliness.It is also true that this fear of being alone is a driving force behind any number of unhealthy relationship patterns. When you're afraid of being alone, you're far more likely to compromise your sense of self for someone else. You're more likely to put up with toxic behaviors or staying with partners with untreated Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, for example.Here, we dive into themes around codependence, interdependence, worthiness, fears like, "If I don't have kids, who will take care of me when I'm old?", and how men we know and have worked with have grown into or past these kinds of thoughts. Because we've witnessed (and experienced ourselves) the power of knowing at a cellular level that you're not alone, and how that can change everything.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“I was terrified of being alone, and hated it.”“They have the awareness, they just don’t know what the f*** to do about it.”“The default for many men is talking about pussy, sports, or engines.”“I’m in some kind of pain and I don’t know where it’s coming from and I don’t know what to do about it.”“This guy has so much on his back, his insides are collapsing… and he has no one to talk about it.”“We keep doing the addiction because there’s so much fear of touching what’s underneath it.”“Goddamn I was lonely.”“I can’t leave this partner because I’d be alone (and they’d be alone).”“The work doesn’t occur unless you do it.”“It does take a kind of tribal experience to heal.”“A part of him got to relax that had never relaxed before.”“When you can root someone into their true size, it’s kind of a miracle.”“We go deep, and we go deep fast.”“Inside of you is an impulse for something more.”“You do not have to go alone.”---Mentioned on this episode:melaniecurtin.com/heartofshadow

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• 376: UTIs are a gargantuan sex problem. Here’s a concrete way you can help! (ft. Meghan Blake of Good Kitty)

  Worldwide, 150 million women get urinary tract infections (UTIs) yearly, and 30-44% of them get recurrent UTIs (defined as 2+ infections in 6 months, or 3+ in a year.)I was one of those women.UTIs are so prevalent that they are the second-most common reason for antibiotic prescriptions on the planet. And in case you've never had one, rest assured that UTIs are painful, disruptive, and deeply anxiety-producing.They are also, 90% of the time, contracted due to sexual intercourse.UTIs are a sex problem, which often also makes them a relationship problem. If you, as a man, has had a woman partner who was stressed about having sex out of fear of getting a UTI; a friend with serious health issues due to her gut biome being decimated by antibiotics; or a sex partner who was in tears, in despair at getting yet another one, you're far from alone.Fortunately, you be a hero to all the women in your lives by spreading the word about a solution:Good Kitty has an extremely effective prevention method. Their doctor-developed, urologist-approved formula supports good bacteria, neutralizes the bad when it matters (i.e. right after sex), and impacts the bacteria in the gut that cause UTIs, thus helping to prevent recurrence.This interview with Meghan Blake, CEO and co-founder of Good Kitty, is both entertaining sobering, enlightening, and uplifting. Also, I drop a few F-bombs, so that's always fun. ;)Real talk: Reliable UTI prevention is life-changing for both her sex life, and yours.Work with usIf you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we'd love to work with you. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. www.evolutionary.men/apply---Mentioned on this episode:Good Kitty Co.: https://goodkittyco.com/ (use code DEARMEN20 for 20% off)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Every time we had sex, this was the outcome."“I was desperate. It was like, 'This cannot be happening to me again.'”“These can be really serious infections if they’re not treated.”“I wanted to have someone to blame.”“I know it’s him!”“Guys are really wanting to help, and do whatever they can to care.”“This is getting in the way of our sex lives, and our sex lives are the source of a lot of our joy and connection.”“I don’t want to become a celibate person because of UTIs.”“It has made my heart burst open.”

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• 375: What does it mean to 'be in your masculine'? (ft. Jason Lange)

  “I knew it was something I wanted to be in because I thought it’d get me chicks.”So begins Jason in describing his journey around learning to be "in his masculine" and "in his feminine." These are terms related to polarity that get thrown around a lot, and we wanted to break down what we're referring to in more depth.What does it mean to be dominating versus assertive? Is it ever helpful to be passive? How does healthy polarity impact a marriage -- and especially one's sex life? Can you re-polarize a love relationship that feels "off" or isn't working in some way (sexually or otherwise)? Where does being in the masculine intersect with trust?Listen to find out.Come to the Retreat!Want to go deeper than the podcast? Join us LIVE for our yearly, in-person retreat. As of this episode dropping, we've got 3 slots left. We'll be in NorCal this Labor Day weekend, Aug 28th - Sept 1st, 2025. To sign up or learn more, go here. www.evolutionary.men/retreat---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“I like to think I’m super ‘in my masculine’ but a lot of times I’m just in my head.”“I was waiting, which meant she was being put in the lead.”“The friction points in my marriage are when she has to track something (and doesn’t feel like I’m tracking it).”“A lot of us Nice Guys shy away from this because we don’t want to be dominating.”“I have to read her body, but I also have to direct.”“This is masterful; I’m just going to let go completely for the ride.”“The willingness to get it wrong is part of what makes it meaningful.”“Good leadership always involves listening.”“I literally just needed to do the thing I wanted to do.”---Mentioned on this episode:DM episode 181: What exactly is polarity? We break it down.DM episode 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- unless you do this.DM episode 277: Want to maximize polarity? Learn to do this well.

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• 374: The 3 main archetypes of men. Which one are you? (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]

  How connected do you feel to your heart? How about to your cock?One of the advantages we have as coaches for men is that we seen the patterns that frequently show up for different men. We've noted three specific archetypes in our work and here, we go over them. (If you've ever heard me reference the heart/cock matrix, that's part of this episode.)Why does this matter? In large part because most women I know who are attracted to men (myself included) have a deep yearning to relate romantically with men who embody one specific archetype that we discuss here. We cover all three types of men, their differences, their paths, and the one that a lot of women crave from the depths of their being.(And while the themes in this episode are framed in a heterosexual/straight dating and relationship context, I believe there's a universal human longing involved here.)Come to the Retreat!Want to go deeper than the podcast? Join us LIVE for our yearly, in-person retreat. As of this episode dropping, we've got 4 slots left. We'll be in Northern California this Labor Day weekend, Aug 28th - Sept 1st, 2025. To sign up or learn more, go here. www.evolutionary.men/retreatWork with usIf you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we'd love to work with you. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. www.evolutionary.men/applyMemorable quotes from this episode:"A lot of men were raised by a dad who they didn't want to be like.""For the basic bro, there's a lot of 'go' energy -- a lot of action-taking; and a lot of 'I' energy (rather than 'we' energy).""These kinds of men will get laid, but they won't get her to commit to them.""If he hasn't gone to those depths within himself, I don't trust him to hold my depths as a woman.""Nice Guys -- one of their superpowers is helping people to feel safe.""Growing up, these guys are learning to prioritize others rather than themselves.""'I was waiting for her to give me a sign that it was OK to kiss her.'""It's allowing yourself to be seen when you don't have it all together.""For these men, it feels like, 'I'm giving and giving and giving, and never getting.'""He re-polarized his relationship, and it changed everything.""Nice Guys will often end up in a relationship because the woman took the initiative.""Who were you raised by?""What does it mean to love myself and grow?""Around anger I had thoughts like, 'Why bother? It won't do anything anyway.'""It's the ability to go to wherever we need to go in any given moment."

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