Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

• 367: 'For some reason, I tend to attract "projects."' (ft. Jason Lange)

  Have you got a history of partnering with women who are physically or emotionally unstable? Maybe they've got an insecure living situation (or chaotic/dangerous ex-partner). Perhaps they're financially challenged, or they've got serious issues with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.You may even have been with a partner who became so emotionally dependent on you that you became concerned that if you weren't there, she'd be in serious trouble -- might even hurt or kill herself. As Jason puts it, "If I remove myself from the situation, I don’t know how my partner would survive."This episode is actually not about those women! ;) This episode is about the other side -- you.If you've wondered why you've repeated this pattern of attracting "projects," you've come to the right place. Here we break down what goes into the pattern of attracting women you feel you need to "save" or "rescue." We talk about the vulnerability involved in dating healthier women, as well as the immense payoff -- and how to get there.This episode will also resonate if you've ever felt burdened or resentful in your relationship -- like you're doing way more than your partner, and putting in more than you're getting back. We talk about the pain of feeling used ... and what to do about it.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“There’s a type of security, safety, and polarity that comes from being the hero.”“If I’m doing stuff for you and you appreciate that, I get to feel good about myself.”“Just because you need some kind of help doesn’t mean I have to rescue you.”“When we overextend, we attract partners who don’t have a sense of boundaries.”“I know and trust she can handle herself.”“We are co-creating together, rather than one of us pulling the cart the whole time.” “When we’re not getting energy back as men, resentment builds like crazy.”“If I’m not winning, are you still going to love me?”“Get on a growth path.”“Getting into good community with men is inoculating yourself against future projects.”“I don’t want to do all the heavy lifting.”

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• 366: Love can, in fact, be calculated. (ft. Zoey Charif)

  Have you ever wished you could scientifically determine what’s wrong in your relationship? Or felt it would be helpful to somehow mathematically see how compatible you are with someone you’re dating? Or gone through a difficult period with a relationship partner and wished you could understand one another better? There’s a love tool that may be able to help. Zoey Charif went from getting a degree in Crimonology to writing about love and relationships — and in her love work, she brought to bear her curiosity about human behavior. The result? Her generating an instrument (like a personality test) that helps couples as well as singles grasp, another other things, compatibility. Perhaps the most interesting part is that Zoey herself has used it alongside her husband — to great effect in their marriage. ---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“What causes betrayals?”“We are driven by primal instincts.”“I feel lucky to be with you.”“No one wants to feel like, ‘I’m not doing well in my marriage.’”“We both started to step up.”“If you’re unhappy, your spouse is probably also unhappy.”“Change takes time.”“You are not put on this earth to be unfulfilled.”“You can’t be doing the work for both of you.”---Mentioned on this episode:Zoey's site: www.lovecaninfactbecalculated.com

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• 365: Is staying together for the kids the right choice? (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]

  What does it mean to be a good parent?If part of your job is to provide stability, then it can seem like even if your love relationship isn't fulfilling, it's best to grit your teeth and get through it -- at least until the kids are out of the house.The truth is a lot more nuanced.Consider the following, for example:What are you role-modeling to your children if you stay in a relationship that's physically or emotionally barren? What are they learning from you and your partner about conflict and repair? About boundaries? About warmth and affection?Would you want them to someday be in the relationship you're in?One confusing constellation of this can be when you're great co-parents with your wife/partner, but, say, your sex life is dead. In other words you manage the household well together, but there's no passion. Another is when you have a difficult spouse/partner and feel concerned that if you're not around to protect the kids from her, issues will arise.Here we delve into unhealthy (and healthy) relationship dynamics, whether "making it work" is a real thing, and what you impart to your kids daily, without saying a word.Growing almost always requires discomfort, but here's the good news: When you choose to lean into growth, you're teaching your children the bravest lesson of all.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• 364: What exactly is complex PTSD, and how do you know if you have it? (ft. Setareh Vatan)

  Have you experienced any of the following yourself, or been in a love relationship with a partner who did?You've held beliefs like, "I must be broken," or, "The world is completely dangerous."You constantly tested your partner's loyaltyYou've thought things like, "I'm too much and my needs are too much."You've played out patterns to the effect of: "If I meet your needs perfectly, maybe you won’t hurt me or leave me."You've experienced health issues like chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, or chronic fatigueYou've alternated between pushing others away or clinging tightlyYou feel confused about your relationship issues because when looking back on your childhood you've thought, "No one overly abused me, so why is this happening?"---If so, you may be dealing with complex PTSD, also known as C-PTSD. Here we delve into what C-PTSD is, what it's not, and what to do about it.We also discuss the reality that trauma is intergenerational by nature. If your parents or their parents didn't get what they needed, and if those folks don't do their healing work, they're extremely likely to pass it on. But you don't have to.Whether you're coming with anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, fearful avoidant attachment, or somewhere in between, know this: Healing is ALWAYS possible.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Setareh's Psychology Today profileMemorable quotes from this episode:"Developmental trauma can shape personality development.""They may deeply crave closeness while simultaneously fearing it.""This is the nervous system interpreting current stress as old danger.""Intimacy may be disrupted by this internal sense of danger that is hard to name.""Relationships can be a powerful source of repair.""Safe relationships can help reestablish trust, soften defenses, and over a period of time can support emotional regulation.""The body often holds what the mind cannot express.""It’s often intergenerational trauma playing out.""Trauma is both individual and collective.""Healing is absolutely possible. I have seen it!"

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• 363: We women still need men. Just in a different way. (ft. Jason Lange)

  We all know the "rules" have changed when it comes to dating and relationships. There are few absolute in terms of how to relate to a dating or relationship partner, which begs questions like:If not money, then what IS the modern man supposed to provide?If you're a man, it may be hard to grasp what a woman truly craves from you. There's good news on this front, though: We women still need you! In fact, many would say we need healthy, passionate, masculine men now more than ever. And there are two very specific things healthy, embodied women truly desire from men. Here we delve into those, and along the way touch on sexy time, how hot it is when a man has a strong backbone, and how to keep up with all the shifting dynamics going on when it comes to sex, love, and dating in the modern world. ---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men episode 262: Are you lonely?Dear Men episode 215: Are you intimidated by her big emotions? Here's what to do.Dear Men episode 329: How do you stay grounded when she’s upset or dysregulated?Dear Men episode 305: GuyTalk: Overcoming religious programmingDear men episode 327: Transforming shame into power---Memorable quotes from this episode: "How do I win in this?""Can you provide me steadiness in a turbulent world?""We men are being asked to show up more — with more complexity.""I just avoided conflict … deny, deflect, defend."“If we don’t have a capacity to attune and be present with ourselves, we can’t do it with a partner.""Emotional safety does not mean please and appease.""There’s not a lot we as a couple can do about that until I’ve worked with my own shame.""Women, more than ever, want to be polarized!""Most people want to know their partner wants to f*** them!"

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