Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Ever feel like your body has stopped cooperating in the one place you most need it to? Or it's totally hit-or-miss -- in one man's words: "I never knew whether I was going to ejaculate at all. I had no control over it."
Erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation (PE), and/or delayed ejaculation (DE) can have a devastating impact on a man's sense of self-esteem, as well as on sexual satisfaction in relationships. And we don't talk about this enough. These issues come up in my sex research constantly, and are a daily reality for hundreds of millions of men globally. Yet even in men's work spaces like men's groups, performance anxiety and sexual health is like the last frontier -- it's just hard to talk about how your d*ck is functioning.
But we need to ... because men out there are suffering. For example, did you know that according to an article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, 1 in 4 men seeking help for new-onset erectile dysfunction these days are 40 or younger? ED is not just an older man's game -- and it turns out that for some men (more than we might think), taking drugs like Viagra or Cialis doesn't even work.
But don't worry -- there's way more possible here than you've been led to believe.
Whether you can't get hard without porn first, you lose your erection halfway through, premature ejaculation robs you of enjoying the experience fully (as well as your partner), or delayed ejaculation prevents you from finishing at all, cock trouble is common. And for some, the fear of it happening again has you wondering what the point of dating or sex even is.
Here, pelvic floor educator Jana Danielson BRINGS THE HOPE. We get into why your erections may have more to do with how you breathe than with your penis, why Kegels might be making things worse, and the story of a 24-year-old athlete who was about to fill an ED prescription, but who Jana thankfully got her hands on. A month later, he was waking up with morning wood for the first time in years!
If you've been quietly white-knuckling your way through sex, or avoiding it altogether, this one's for you.
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Join me on Oct 17th for my new masterclass: From STUCK to SATISFIED
A live launch event for my upcoming new course, The Man She Craves, this class will outline the #1 pattern I've seen after coaching men for over a decade. It's what I see separates the men who stay stuck in their love lives to transitioning into sexually and emotionally satisfying relationships.
The class will run from 10a-12p PT / 1p-3p ET on October 17. It's $55, but if you use code DEARMEN it'll drop to $33. To save your spot, email dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. If you're in the US, you can also text BACKSTAGE to 33777.
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Mentioned on this episode:
The Man She Craves (Melanie's new course; Jana is part of the Sexual Confidence upgrade)
The Cooch Ball: www.coochball.com
Jana on Instagram & TikTok: @jana.danielson
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"I'm not sure my marriage is going to survive."
"When he did achieve an erection, it was really hard for him to maintain it."
"Your body is not broken; it's just misunderstood."
"'Within a month, I was waking up with morning wood!'"
"Clarity creates confidence."
"'Why would I give him a jail sentence of a wife?'"
"We were searching for that elusive, fill-in-the-blank diagnosis."
"Within 30 seconds I thought, 'Well, sh*t.'"
"When I started talking about the pelvic floor, sh*t got weird."
"'I wanted to match my ejaculation with her to make sure I was taking care of her needs.'"
"He started being able to squat deeper."
"I am having the best orgasms of my life, and I have no plan on stopping."

“I know I’m a good guy - I’m kind and compassionate and caring … so why don't girls want me??”
This was one of Scott's main concerns in middle and high school. It felt like it was happening for everyone around him, but not him.
Fast forward a few decades and now he's got overflow in his love life -- he's married and experiences affection, sex, closeness, and emotional availability on the daily. So what changed?
Here we talk about the excruciating phone call in 6th grade that kicked everything off; the confusion of having close women friends who say they want a nice guy but then don't seem to want the nice guy that's right in front of them; what it actually means to feel SEEN after feeling overlooked; and the intriguing question Scott finally asked himself on a walk through a park in Madrid.
You'll also hear about a client who looked great on paper, but who was stuck in first-date purgatory for years. A couple of months into the work, he said something he'd never said before: "She's actually chasing me!"
If you've ever felt stuck in a pattern of first dates that never become second dates, years of swiping with nothing to show for it, or a marriage where you reach for her and keep hearing, "No" -- this one's for you.
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Come to the upcoming Masterclass!
The Man She Craves 101 is coming in October. Text BACKSTAGE to 33777 (U.S. only) to get on the list, or email dearmenpodcast@gmail.com if you're outside the U.S.
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"I see what I have to offer in a relationship; I don't see what I have to offer that gets me into a relationship."
"I think I honestly felt that just being friendly to a girl was showing her that I liked her."
"Me! Me! I am emotionally available to you right now."
"You went from alone in the desert to overflow."
“If you get a few rejections early on, it starts the cycle down that path.”
“I didn’t really learn to flirt until college, and even then ... it was iffy.”
“My community helped me find myself more.”
“I have to get it RIGHT; I have to choose the RIGHT person.”
“I felt desired. I felt seen.”
“I’ve gotta show women that I‘m a good man!”
“How do I learn more about healthy masculinity?”
“I started to get to direct statements of desire from women.”
“It’s not like my appearance changed a lot.”
“Once you get in that flow, it is WONDERFUL.”

Do you want women to feel deeply safe with you? Do you want your partner to feel not just satisfied physically and emotionally, but able to truly surrender with you -- let go of her inhibitions and experience IMMENSE PLEASURE on every level?
Then she needs to trust you.
Here we share our personal experiences of trust -- when a man has earned it and we've been able to really lean in ... and when we've been let down and felt the lack of trust.
The truth is that a woman must trust you at a deep level if she's to feel safe with you. Sadly, as things stand we still inhabit a world where a lot of women feel unsafe with many men.
So what does it take to be deeply trustable? Here, we each reveal what it takes for a man to be trusted by us on a personal level. We share intimate stories of times we interacted with an un-trustable man (and what made him un-trustable), as well as the times we felt deep trust, safety, and connection.
Want a woman to fully surrender to you? Listen on -- whether you're newly dating, long-married, or in any other kind of love relationship, you're sure to get something out of this vulnerable, raw discussion of love, safety, trust, intimacy, and sexuality.
Mentioned on this episode:
The Man She Craves 101: My upcoming masterclass leading into my new course. Email me at dearmenpodcast at gmail dot com to register.

“Who’s taking up space in the relationship?”
“If I don’t have any boundaries, I’ll often attract someone who doesn’t honor boundaries.”
“Partners like this can be really smart.”
“Because you’re the closest to them, you get all the wild crazy.”
“I hear a new rule, I try to do that, and I still lose.”
“It’s pretty hard to do alone.”
“It really feels like, ‘There is no way out.’”
“It can be comfortable but not very alive.”
“Our guys don’t just want sex - they want closeness.”
“Why do you need that? Isn’t this enough?”

You've probably heard of penis rings. Maybe you've even tried one!? But there's a another tool almost nobody talks about — the men who've actually explored it say nothing else compares, and yet most guys never even consider it, because of one thing: shame.
Whether it's a marriage that's quietly gone sexless, an erection that isn't cooperating the way it used to, or just curiosity about what's actually out there beyond what you already know, midlife brings up a lot of questions men don't feel safe asking anyone — not their partner, not their doctor, not even their friends.
Karen Bigman gets it. A certified sex educator at 60, she's got 3 fun categories of sex toys she recommends for men. We get into things like: How does a penis pump actually work in real life with a partner — do you pause mid-makeout to grab it, or does it happen before you even get to the bedroom?
And we go somewhere most men never go: the prostate. What's it actually like? Why do the men who've explored it describe it like "watching in high def"? And how do you even start, solo or with a partner?
One stat that stuck with me: according to Mayo Clinic, erectile dysfunction can show up 3-5 years before any other symptoms of heart disease appear. Your body may be trying to tell you something before anything else does.
If you've ever been curious about exploring more but didn't know where to start — or didn't think it was "allowed" — this one's for you.
Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Mentioned on this episode:
Karen's site: TabooToTruth.com
Please Her In Bed (Melanie's streaming course on how to talk about sex): www.pleaseherinbed.com
MyHixel — penis rings, and a premature-ejaculation training system
FirmTech — clip-on penis rings, including the Tech Ring (tracks nocturnal erections)
O-Nut — stackable comfort/bumper rings
MV Health (formerly Mystery Vibe) — vibrating prostate massagers
Aneros — prostate massagers
Maude (Shine) — lube I recommend
Memorable quotes from this episode:
"I think the sexiest thing a man can do is ask."
"Your penis health is a barometer of your overall health."
"It's like watching a show in high def."
"The two hardest conversations in relationships are sex and money."
"This is a guy that's actually, like, cares. This is a guy that wants to talk to me. He doesn't just want to get in my pants."
"'I don't care if I ever have sex again.'"
"60 is the new 60."