Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something “wrong,” and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you’ll likely resonate with this episode.
If you’re someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you’ve ended up with.
In our work with men we’ve often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around … and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows.
Fortunately, we’ve also seen countless men overcome this pattern and grow beyond it. Here we delve into the pattern itself, reasons behind it, and what to do about it.
Memorable quotes:
“One of the hallmark traits of Nice Guys is overextending.”
“It’s often the volatile person’s nervous system that gets centered.”
“If you don’t see reality their way, you’re the enemy.”
“There’s a fear that if I end this, I’m going to be alone.”
“At an early age, the Nice Guy had to regulate one of his parents, or the family system itself.”
“Maybe me speaking up isn’t aggressive.”
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Mentioned on this episode:
Dear Men episode 239: Just realized I’m a nice guy. Now what?
Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder

Do you ever find yourself minimizing your own needs, and/or feeling responsible for others' emotions?
Do you tend to stay quiet to keep the peace, or freeze during conflict?
Have you ever struggled with boundaries or wondered why standing up for yourself feels so hard?
Here we explore a family dynamic that can be just as damaging for what doesn’t happen as for what does. If there was a volatile parent in your house and a more passive one (or if that's the dynamic you're in as a parent right now, with your own children), you'll want to hear this.
This conversation goes beyond obvious abuse and into the invisible wounds: the confusion of not knowing who will protect you, the way your body learns to brace, appease, or disappear, and how those early patterns quietly follow you into adult relationships.
We also explore what healing can look like — not through blame, but through awareness. How do you grieve the protection you didn’t receive? What does it take to stop replaying the bully–bystander dynamic in your partnerships, friendships, or inner world? If you’ve ever felt caught between harm and silence, this episode invites you to name the experience — and begin choosing something different.
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Mentioned on this episode:
One Million Rising (pro-democracy training): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4496VWDjwS0&t=19s
violetlange.com/root -- to sign up & get Zoom link (or replay after Feb 12th). If you have questions, just email [email protected]. You can also check out her program for women directly at: Love, Integrated

“This is not something I ever thought I would do.”
So begins Kubir's story of moving from a spacious one-bedroom apartment in SF to Radish, a 13-person cohousing community in the East Bay.
“As I was getting older, my friends were getting partnered off,” he shared, and talked about his dating experiences before living in community as, in part, a way of experiencing companionship.
His is a unique perspective because he never thought he'd end up not only living in community, but dating while recently moving in, and having to answer questions to his new love partner about his motivations.
Now his wife is more than just on board -- she's in partnership with him around collaborating with others to create another cohousing community.
So what's it like dating in community, getting married in community, and then having a baby? Listen for all that and more!
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
Supernuclear Substack
CoHoUS (The Cohousing Association of the United States)
The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center -- book by Rhaina Cohen
Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life -- book by Amy Gahran
DM 242: Stepping off the Relationship Escalator (with Amy Gahran)
LiveNearFriends.com -- You've thought about it. What's stopping you?
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
“Even with your best friend, you schedule dinner three weeks out.”
“It was like, ‘Cool, that’s for you, but that’s not for people like me.’”
“We buy our own loneliness.”
“I moved in in the middle of Covid and it… was… awesome.”
“I can’t think of any other decision that has impacted my day-to-day happiness in a positive way than moving into Radish.”
“The things I was afraid of happening — I wouldn’t have any privacy; I wouldn’t have enough personal space — didn’t happen.”
“I’m constantly meeting new people.”
“Being in orbit with other people is such a healthy thing from a relational standpoint.”
“You get to see yourself reflected in other people.”

“The gym can be a very scary place.”
Ever been intimidated by the idea of working out -- and in particular, lifting weights? Then you're in very good company. Fortunately, as fitness expert Mike Bledsoe puts it, "95% of people in the gym are also insecure."
Here we delve right into both the insecurity (and how to overcome it), as well as why Bledsoe, who has trained professional athletes, Navy SEALs, and other fitness experts, prefers to work with beginners.
We talk about how to naturally boost your T levels (easier than you think!), the specific way our physical bodies store our "stuff" (and how to move it), and how to get started if you're not sure what to do first.
We also touch on questions like:
Is keto really worth it? (What should you actually pay attention to in nutrition trends?)
How do you safely start lifting weights (without injuring yourself), especially if you're over 50?
How do you best integrate from deep emotional release work (including psychedelics) in a physical way?
What kind of stretches are best?
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
The ELDOA method (stretching and myofascial release)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"I started asking, 'Why did I get injured?'
“If I’m really fit, then I’ll finally feel loved.”
“[My clients] would hide their pain from me.”
“If you want to increase your testosterone, squat heavy once a week and get in a cold plunge.”
“If you have tightness in your body, you have emotional stuff going on.”
“About half of my time spent on my body is stretching … and I don’t get hurt anymore.”
“No matter where you’re at, you require mentorship and guidance.”
“Pay attention to every single win.”

Do any of these apply to you?:
You used to have a good sex life with your partner, but now it has flatlined
You're in a sexless marriage but at a loss with respect to how to even bring this up with your woman (or you've tried in the past and it went poorly)
You fear never having passionate, connected sex again
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These are all common patterns we see in our practice.
Here we outline the 5 most common reasons we've seen for this pattern, and some stories of men who've done the work and now have vibrant, thriving sex lives. Passion is possible!
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
DM 222: Are you using your woman for sex?
DM 217: When sex is about more than just the sex
DM 358: Do you trust men?
DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- you need to know about this
DM 262: Are you lonely?
DM 1: What if sex hurts for your partner or she doesn't want it? A woman opens up about her experience
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
“Your relationship is flat.”
“I’m gonna ask in a way I can’t be rejected.”
“‘I tend to wait for the signal.’”
“I’ve neglected my partner before.”
“For a lot of guys, ejaculation is how they deal with tension in their bodies.”
“One of the most painful ways we’ve seen this show up is when this wasn’t clear when they got married.”
“'I want to feel your desire to be close to me, to know my heart, to know my feelings.'”
“This is her strongest aphrodisiac!”
“I’m getting off all the feelings I don’t want to feel.”
“It’s not so much what we’re doing, but how we’re being.”
“The pathway to the change you want comes from being honest.”
“It can change — that’s the good news.”