Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Do you want women to feel deeply safe with you? Do you want your partner to feel not just satisfied physically and emotionally, but able to truly surrender with you -- let go of her inhibitions and experience IMMENSE PLEASURE on every level?
Then she needs to trust you.
Here we share our personal experiences of trust -- when a man has earned it and we've been able to really lean in ... and when we've been let down and felt the lack of trust.
The truth is that a woman must trust you at a deep level if she's to feel safe with you. Sadly, as things stand we still inhabit a world where a lot of women feel unsafe with many men.
So what does it take to be deeply trustable? Here, we each reveal what it takes for a man to be trusted by us on a personal level. We share intimate stories of times we interacted with an un-trustable man (and what made him un-trustable), as well as the times we felt deep trust, safety, and connection.
Want a woman to fully surrender to you? Listen on -- whether you're newly dating, long-married, or in any other kind of love relationship, you're sure to get something out of this vulnerable, raw discussion of love, safety, trust, intimacy, and sexuality.
Mentioned on this episode:
The Man She Craves 101: My upcoming masterclass leading into my new course. Email me at dearmenpodcast at gmail dot com to register.

“Who’s taking up space in the relationship?”
“If I don’t have any boundaries, I’ll often attract someone who doesn’t honor boundaries.”
“Partners like this can be really smart.”
“Because you’re the closest to them, you get all the wild crazy.”
“I hear a new rule, I try to do that, and I still lose.”
“It’s pretty hard to do alone.”
“It really feels like, ‘There is no way out.’”
“It can be comfortable but not very alive.”
“Our guys don’t just want sex - they want closeness.”
“Why do you need that? Isn’t this enough?”

You've probably heard of penis rings. Maybe you've even tried one!? But there's a another tool almost nobody talks about — the men who've actually explored it say nothing else compares, and yet most guys never even consider it, because of one thing: shame.
Whether it's a marriage that's quietly gone sexless, an erection that isn't cooperating the way it used to, or just curiosity about what's actually out there beyond what you already know, midlife brings up a lot of questions men don't feel safe asking anyone — not their partner, not their doctor, not even their friends.
Karen Bigman gets it. A certified sex educator at 60, she's got 3 fun categories of sex toys she recommends for men. We get into things like: How does a penis pump actually work in real life with a partner — do you pause mid-makeout to grab it, or does it happen before you even get to the bedroom?
And we go somewhere most men never go: the prostate. What's it actually like? Why do the men who've explored it describe it like "watching in high def"? And how do you even start, solo or with a partner?
One stat that stuck with me: according to Mayo Clinic, erectile dysfunction can show up 3-5 years before any other symptoms of heart disease appear. Your body may be trying to tell you something before anything else does.
If you've ever been curious about exploring more but didn't know where to start — or didn't think it was "allowed" — this one's for you.
Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
Mentioned on this episode:
Karen's site: TabooToTruth.com
Please Her In Bed (Melanie's streaming course on how to talk about sex): www.pleaseherinbed.com
MyHixel — penis rings, and a premature-ejaculation training system
FirmTech — clip-on penis rings, including the Tech Ring (tracks nocturnal erections)
O-Nut — stackable comfort/bumper rings
MV Health (formerly Mystery Vibe) — vibrating prostate massagers
Aneros — prostate massagers
Maude (Shine) — lube I recommend
Memorable quotes from this episode:
"I think the sexiest thing a man can do is ask."
"Your penis health is a barometer of your overall health."
"It's like watching a show in high def."
"The two hardest conversations in relationships are sex and money."
"This is a guy that's actually, like, cares. This is a guy that wants to talk to me. He doesn't just want to get in my pants."
"'I don't care if I ever have sex again.'"
"60 is the new 60."

Edge City is one of the most exciting, fun, engaging, dynamic communities of which I'm a part -- and here I get to interview one of the founders! (This is very exciting for me.)
Edge City runs month-long "pop-up villages" — 500 to 1,000 people from tech, science, culture, and art, gathered in one small, walkable town, building things together. In Timour's words, "It's got the dynamism of a city, with the vibe of a village — that's kind of a design principle for us."
In my words: It's like summer camp meets a tech conference ... and it's also a hotbed of attraction. :)
But what happens when you meet someone in an environment where you absolutely will run into them again? What if you don't want to make her uncomfortable by asking her out? How do organizers think about this?
As Timour puts it, "We are in a weird time when it comes to dating.” But don't worry -- we discuss the anonymous "crush" feature that could change everything.
We also get into the dating dynamics at the village specifically, including my feeling of being surrounded by attractive men and yet noticeably under-approached. We cover the couple whose second date really was an entire month-long event, and the strange twist where Timour says this is actually the opposite of Burning Man's infamous "playa romance" phenomenon.
If you've ever wondered whether there's a real-world alternative to the apps — something that isn't just another platform — this one's worth your full attention.
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Come to Edge City!
The next Edge City is in Goa, India from Oct 11–Nov 1. Plus there's a smaller, 30-person trip to Bhutan from Nov 11–19. Use code DEARMEN for 20% off Goa tickets. Details at edgecity.live.
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
Edge City: upcoming events in Goa, India (Oct 11–Nov 1) and Bhutan (Nov 11–19)
Questions about Edge City? Email DearMenPodcast@gmail.com
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"I felt like there were all these attractive men, and no one was approaching me."
"We've even had a few kids conceived at or because of Edge."
"I don't want to be the weird guy who's approaching... what if that makes them uncomfortable?"
“It was about how alive I felt in that environment.”
“It’s exponentially more meaningful than a one- or two-day conference.”
“There is the serendipity of running into people that feels magical.”
“We’re pushing ourselves forward both personally as well as society.”
 “It’s the dynamism of a city with the vibe of a village.”
“Why doesn’t your neighborhood feel communal?”
“We needed from the beginning to have the architecture and DNA that would be welcoming to children.”
 “We grow up and we’re taught to find The One.”
“You need to go through the crucible of, ‘Is this the right person for me?’”

She's successful. She's put together. She seems like she doesn't need anyone. So why does dating still feel impossible for her — and why does she seem so hard to get close to?
The men we work with are almost always intensely curious about what life is like on the "other side." What do single women contend with? What are their biggest dating, sex, and relationship challenges? Here, Violet breaks down 3 top issues frequently faced by single women — the ones most men never clock, because women have gotten so good at hiding them.
We get into why the most "together," successful women are often the most terrified of being seen, and what that has to do with whether she actually notices you making eye contact across the room.
We dig into the hot-and-cold thing — why it happens, why it almost never has anything to do with you, and why the woman across from you at dinner may be carrying more than she's ever said out loud.
And we unpack the unconscious dating pattern nearly every long-single woman is repeating without knowing it — the one Violet says she couldn't see either, until someone lovingly pointed it out.
Plus: the bar story about the guy who approached a whole circle of women, and what has changed in Violet's own marriage after over a decade together.
If you've ever felt like you couldn't figure out how to "get in" with a woman who seems to have it all together — or you're partnered with a woman who runs hot and cold — this one could fundamentally change how you see her.
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Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
Love Harmonics (Violet's 6-week, $69 program on breaking unconscious dating patterns; open to all genders): [https://violetlange.com/loveharmonics/?affiliate_code=5b90a8]
Episode 153: Her Sexual Healing: How to Support Her and Get Your Needs Met (ft. Violet Lange)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
"The flower opens and the bee appears. Not, the bee comes by knocking on the door, and then the flower decides to open."
"I want to be seen for all of who I am, and not just in my need."
"It fucking works! It really works!"
"I now have soul-shaking sex with my husband... and we've been together 11 years."
"Your happily ever after starts with you — it's not up to fate, it's not up to some meet-cute. It's really an inside job."