Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs speaks with Fiona, a small business owner and mother who came to him carrying anger rooted in childhood.
Whether it is anger with a partner who walks away mid-conversation, frustration at feeling unheard, or patterns that stretch back decades, Fiona's story will feel familiar to many listeners. In just seven weeks, she made changes significant enough that her husband noticed without being asked.
Rather than accepting that her past defined her future, Fiona focused on one question: what can she actually control?
Alastair walks through her journey, the tools that helped most and what her story means for anyone who feels stuck in the same cycles.
Key Takeaways:
You cannot control how other people communicate, but you can control how you respond. That shift in focus is often where real change begins.
Your tension scale is one of the most practical tools you have. Learning to notice where you are on it early gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate.
The thoughts and feelings model is not just theory. Once you understand that your thoughts shape your feelings, you can start to interrupt the pattern rather than being swept along by it.
Change is possible even when the starting point is difficult. Fiona came from a background of violence and still made meaningful progress in seven weeks. Your history does not have to determine your future.
And the good news is that the skills you build to manage anger with one person carry across into every area of your life. Fiona found the same tools helped her handle old family wounds surfacing in new situations.

Resources & Next Steps:
If Fiona's story sounds familiar and you are ready to start making changes of your own, here is where to begin:
Book a free 30-minute phone call
Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores one of the most common and difficult situations people face: what to do when someone else completely loses it at you.
Whether it is a partner who blames you, a colleague who unloads or anyone who fires anger in your direction, Alastair walks through why the automatic reactions of firing back or shutting down both make things worse, and what to do instead.
Rather than offering vague advice about staying calm, Alastair shares five clear, practical strategies you can actually use in the moment.
And the good news is that none of these require the other person to change.
You only need to work on yourself.
Key Takeaways:
Staying calm when someone loses their temper is not weakness. It is the most powerful thing you can do. It is hard for someone to sustain rage when the person across from them is not feeding it.
Most of the time, someone's anger is not really about you. They may be exhausted, overwhelmed, or struggling, and you are simply the safe person they unload on. Reminding yourself of this creates distance from the heat.
Anger is usually just the surface. Beneath it is almost always something softer, hurt, fear, or feeling unheard. When you respond to what is underneath rather than what is on top, everything shifts.
A boundary is not a threat. It is a calm, clear statement of what you will and will not accept. Setting one without heat lands very differently than setting one while you are already escalated.
Not all anger is the same. If what you are experiencing crosses into verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, the strategies shared today are not enough on their own. Please reach out for real support.

Resources & Next Steps:
If you want to feel more in control the next time someone loses their temper at you, here is where to start.
Book a free 30-minute phone call
Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the real reason your anger feels uncontrollable, and why the answer is rarely about the person or situation in front of you.
Whether it is a partner who says the wrong thing, a child who ignores you or a stranger who cuts you off in traffic, Alastair walks through why the same trigger can send you over the edge one day and barely register the next.
Rather than offering generic advice, Alastair shares three practical steps that build on each other and address the root of the problem, not just the surface.
And the good news is these are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice.
Key Takeaways:
Your anger is not caused by what happens to you. It is caused by what you think about what happens to you. Change the thought, and the reaction changes with it.
Your body knows you are angry before your mind does. Learning to notice your early warning signs, a tight jaw, a racing heart, a shift in your thoughts, gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate.
Beneath the surface of most anger is a rigid belief. Beliefs about fairness, respect, and what you deserve. Once you can see the belief clearly, you can begin to question it, and when the belief shifts, the pattern of anger shifts with it.
Active listening is one of the most powerful tools in any relationship. When someone feels truly heard, defensiveness drops and real conversation becomes possible.
These are skills, not fixed parts of who you are. With practice, catching anger earlier, examining your beliefs, and communicating calmly will all become more natural.

Resources & Next Steps:
If you are ready to understand what is really driving your anger and start making lasting changes, here is where to go next.
Book a free 30-minute phone call
Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs tackles one of the most common and most painful patterns parents face: knowing your anger is a problem, trying to change and finding yourself right back where you started.
Whether you have made promises to your kids that didn't hold, tried parenting tips that worked for a week and then faded, or felt the shame of yelling again after genuinely trying not to, this episode is for you.
Rather than offering generic parenting advice, Alastair gets to the root of why the same triggers keep setting parents off and walks through practical, specific strategies that actually change the pattern.
And the good news is, this is not about willpower. Once you understand what is really driving your anger in those moments, everything becomes more manageable.
Key Takeaways:
Your child's behaviour is rarely the real cause of your anger. On a good day, spilled cereal gets a calm response. On a hard day, it triggers an explosion. The difference is what is already happening inside you, not what your child did.
Before you react, take ten seconds to ask yourself what you are actually feeling. Overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed about something else entirely. Getting honest about what is yours and what is theirs is the first step to real change.
Vague rules create conflict. Kids need specifics, not instructions like "be good" or "don't interrupt." When you give them a clear action to take instead, there is far less room for the kind of friction that tips you over the edge.
Catch your kids doing something right. Children get attention when they misbehave and silence when they behave well. Specific praise for good behaviour teaches them what to do, not just what to avoid, and makes cooperation more rewarding than conflict.
Say how you feel, not what they are. Telling a child they are difficult or that they never listen teaches them something is wrong with them. An I statement focuses on your feelings and keeps the conversation open instead of shutting it down.
Sometimes the person who needs the timeout is you. When you feel the heat rising and you are about to say something you will regret, stepping away and saying "I need a minute" is not weakness. It is emotional intelligence, and your kids will learn it by watching you do it.
You do not have to figure this out alone. Seeking help for your anger is not a last resort. It is what parents who care the most tend to do. Understanding what is driving your anger makes the pattern far easier to change.

Resources & Next Steps:
If you are ready to stop yelling and start feeling calmer and more connected with your kids:
Book a free 30-minute phone call
Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs sits down with Matthew, a 32-year-old husband, stepfather and small business owner who came to the program eight weeks ago stuck in a cycle of explosive arguments with his wife.
Whether you bring frustration home from a long day and take it out on the people closest to you, or you know your anger needs to change but have not quite found the words for it yet, this conversation will feel familiar.
Rather than talking about anger in abstract terms, Matthew shares what actually shifted for him, from recognising where he sits on the tension scale before things escalate, to seeing his wife as a teammate rather than an opponent.
And the good news is, eight weeks was enough to start rebuilding the trust that anger had been quietly eroding.
Key Takeaways:
Anger does not always look the way people expect. Matthew saw himself as a good husband and father. But frustration was building beneath the surface, and the people closest to him were bearing the brunt of it.
When everything else is getting to you, it is easy to make your partner the enemy. Matthew's shift came when he stopped seeing his wife as the opponent and started seeing them as a team facing a common challenge together.
Your thoughts do not have to become your actions. Matthew learned that having a difficult thought is not the problem. What matters is whether you act on it. Slowing down between the thought and the response is where real change begins.
The Tension Scale is a practical tool, not a theory. Asking yourself where you are on the scale in the moment gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate. Matthew uses it daily, including in Auckland traffic.
Writing things down makes the work stick. Matthew keeps a journal of his notes and progress. Seeing the changes on paper reinforces that the work is real, not just something that feels good in the moment.
Short sessions throughout the day work better than one long sit-down. Matthew fits the course around a busy life in small pockets of time. That consistency, he says, is what keeps the tools fresh and usable when they are actually needed.
Role modelling matters more than most fathers realise. Matthew is more open with his stepson about his own vulnerabilities than his father was with him. He wants his son to grow up knowing it is okay to feel things, and to have somewhere to take those feelings.

Resources & Next Steps:
If Matthew's story sounds familiar and you are ready to break the pattern:
Book a FREE 30-minute phone call
Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System