Anger Management

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Anger in a relationship doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. But without the right tools, the same arguments keep happening, the same damage keeps building — and eventually, something breaks. In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares four practical things you can start doing this week to change the way anger shows up in your relationship.
In this solo episode, Alastair walks you through four key areas, from understanding your triggers to remembering you and your partner are on the same team, giving you a clear, actionable roadmap for lasting change.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding your anger triggers is the foundation. But without knowing what sets you off, those triggers run the show without you
Talking openly about issues before they build is the difference between a conversation and an explosion. A weekly relationship check-in is a simple tool that makes this possible
Stress and anger are directly linked. Managing your stress levels outside the relationship directly reduces conflict inside it
Most arguments feel like battles because we're trying to win. Shifting from "convince" to "understand" is where real resolution lives
Both people in a conflict have valid perspectives. Seeking to understand your partner's view almost always leads them to seek yours in return.

If anger has been damaging your relationship, this episode gives you four clear places to start, and the perspective to make them stick.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
You're in the middle of an argument with your partner. Your heart is racing, things are escalating and you can feel it heading somewhere neither of you wants to go. In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs introduces one of the most important relationship skills you've probably never been taught - relationship repair.
In this solo episode, Alastair breaks down exactly what relationship repair is, why it matters and how to use it in the heat of the moment to stop conflict before it does lasting damage to your relationship.
Key Takeaways:
Relationship repair (a concept developed by Dr. John Gottman) is the ability to recognise when an argument is escalating and take steps to redirect it before real damage is done
The first skill is awareness: tuning into your own physical and emotional signals before things spiral
Reminding yourself that your relationship matters more than the argument is a mindset shift that changes everything
Repair attempts - a soft tone, an I-statement, a request for a break, even humour or a touch - can turn a conflict around in seconds
Accepting your partner's repair attempts is just as important as making your own
The goal isn't to never disagree. It's to disagree in a way that doesn't damage what you've built together

If conflict in your relationship keeps escalating further than it should, this episode gives you the tools to change that, starting with your very next argument.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever completely lost it over something small, a dish in the sink or a towel on the floor, and then felt embarrassed afterward because you knew, deep down, it wasn't really about the dish? In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explains why small things trigger such big reactions, and what you can do to stop it.
In this solo episode, Alastair walks you through the real reasons minor irritations escalate into major explosions and shares three practical tools to help you let go of the small stuff before it damages your relationship.
Key Takeaways:
Small triggers are rarely the real issue. They're usually the outlet for unspoken frustrations or unmet needs building underneath
An overdeveloped need for control can make minor disruptions feel catastrophic
Pausing before you respond, even for just a breath or two, creates the gap where self-control lives
Asking "will this matter in a year?" is a simple but powerful way to regain perspective in the moment
Practising gratitude regularly builds resilience and shrinks the power of daily irritations
Knowing what truly matters in life makes it easier to release what doesn't

If small things are costing you big arguments, this episode gives you the perspective shift and practical tools to start changing that today.
Links referenced in this episode:
-angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
-angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
-angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
You might think anger is your biggest relationship problem. You work hard on staying calm, bite your tongue, you try all the techniques. But while you're focused on not losing your temper, four quieter behaviors are slowly destroying your relationship.
In this episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the four behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy—and most couples don't even know they're doing them.
Drawing on Dr. John Gottman's decades of relationship research, Alastair walks you through what Gottman called "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"—the specific communication patterns that poison relationships over time. More importantly, he shows you the exact antidotes to each pattern and how controlling your anger is the key to breaking these destructive cycles before they kill your connection.
Key Takeaways:
Whether couples stay together or divorce isn't about how often they fight or even about anger—it's about four specific behaviors that quietly poison relationships over time.
Criticism attacks who your partner is as a person (not just what they did), sending the devastating message "I have a problem with who you are, not just what you've done."
Defensiveness escalates every conflict by turning discussions into fights about who's right—excuses, justifications, and counter-attacks prevent you from actually hearing your partner.
Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce—eye rolling, mocking, sarcasm, talking down to your partner, and communicating from a position of superiority all signal contempt.
Stonewalling (shutting down, silent treatment, walking out mid-conversation) makes your partner feel abandoned and creates distance faster than almost anything else.

If you've been working on your anger but your relationship still feels strained, this episode reveals the hidden patterns that might be doing the real damage—and exactly how to stop them.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Think about the last argument you had with your partner. It probably started innocently enough—just a conversation about their day, a decision you needed to make, something simple. But somewhere along the way, things went sideways.
You got defensive, they got frustrated and suddenly you were fighting. In this practical episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the real problem: you probably weren't listening.
After 30 years of observing couples communicate, Alastair has identified the exact pattern that turns ordinary conversations into arguments. More importantly, he shares the four active listening skills that will simply stop 90% of your conflicts before they even start. This isn't about being polite or nodding along—it's about preventing conflict at its source.
Key Takeaways:
Most arguments don't happen because of the topic being discussed—they happen because of how you're listening (or not listening).
Active listening is focused, attentive, and non-judgmental—you're fully present, making eye contact, and keeping the focus on your partner no matter what they say.
The fatal pattern: most people don't actually listen, they're just preparing their rebuttal, thinking about their own point, turning conversation into competition.
Minimal encouragers (simple sounds like "yes," "I see," "go on," or nodding) show your partner you're engaged and help them relax and open up.
Ask open-ended questions about feelings, not just facts—shift from "Did you have a good day?" to "How was your day?" and "How did that make you feel?"
Summarize or reframe what your partner said in your own words to validate their experience and build trust while avoiding defensiveness.
Give positive feedback with supportive phrases like "I can understand why you'd feel that way" or "That sounds really tough" to create a cycle of better communication.

If arguments keep erupting in your relationship and you can't figure out why, this episode gives you four simple but powerful skills to transform how you communicate and remove the competition, defensiveness and need to be right.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System