Anger Management

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores one of the most important questions in anger management: Why does that specific thing set you off? Whether it's a tone of voice, a passing comment or something so small you couldn't even explain it afterwards, your anger triggers are personal, patterned and almost always connected to something deeper than the moment itself.
Rather than offering generic advice about staying calm, Alastair walks through the most common triggers he's seen across 30 years of working with clients, and gives you four practical tools to start understanding and managing your own. And the good news is that once you can see your patterns clearly, you have something you didn't have before: Choice.
Key Takeaways:
An anger trigger is like a button. When it gets pressed, the anger response fires almost automatically. But the button is yours, and you can learn to understand it.
Anger triggers are deeply personal. What sends one person over the edge barely registers for someone else. The most common ones include feeling disrespected, experiencing injustice, having boundaries crossed, and feeling criticised or judged.
Most triggers aren't really about what's happening in the moment. They're connected to something older: past experiences, deeper fears, wounds that never fully healed. That's why a small comment can land like a much bigger attack.
Keeping an Anger Diary is one of the most powerful tools for understanding your patterns. Writing down what happened, who was involved and what you felt physically helps you see that it's not everything that triggers you: it's specific situations and specific feelings.
Your anger doesn't arrive fully formed. There are always early warning signs: physical, emotional, mental. Learning to catch them early gives you a window to intervene before things escalate.
Cognitive reframing means questioning the thoughts that are fueling your anger. Choosing a more balanced interpretation can dramatically reduce the intensity of what you feel.

Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support understanding your anger triggers and building calmer, more loving relationships:
Visit AngerSecrets.com
Book a free 30-minute phone call
Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs challenges the idea that anger is always the problem. Whether you've spent years trying to suppress your anger or you're someone who's watched it destroy the things that matter to you, this episode reframes what anger actually is, and what it can be when it's handled well.
Rather than treating anger as something to be eliminated, Alastair draws a clear line between healthy anger and unmanaged anger, and explains why that distinction changes everything. The goal isn't to feel less. It's to choose what you do with what you feel.
Key Takeaways:
Anger isn't the enemy. Unmanaged anger is. Every emotion exists for a reason, and anger is no different. The question was never whether you'll feel it. It's what you do with it.
Healthy anger is not suppression. Swallowing it down and pretending everything is fine isn't health. It's avoidance. Real healthy anger means expressing what you feel assertively, not aggressively.
The pause before you respond is everything. Asking yourself "what is really bothering me here?" shifts you from reacting to choosing, and that shift changes the outcome entirely.
Using "I statements" instead of accusations opens conversations rather than starting fights. "I felt hurt when my idea wasn't acknowledged" lands completely differently than "you stole my idea."
Healthy anger is solution-focused, not victory-focused. The goal is to move forward together, not to prove you were right.
Forgiveness isn't forgetting. It's refusing to let old anger live rent free in your head. Holding onto it almost always hurts you more than anyone else.

Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support managing your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships:
Visit AngerSecrets.com
Book a free 30-minute phone call
Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the single most important factor in whether a relationship will thrive or fall apart: And it's not chemistry, compatibility or even love. Drawing on research from relationship psychology, Alastair explains why friendship is the foundation everything else is built on, and how it shapes the way couples handle conflict, criticism and the small friction of everyday life.
Rather than offering generic relationship advice, Alastair introduces two powerful concepts: Positive and Negative Sentiment Override. These explain why the exact same argument can feel like nothing in one relationship and everything in another. And the good news is, friendship is something you can choose to rebuild, starting today.
Key Takeaways:
Research shows that only three out of ten couples who marry go on to have a genuinely happy, long-term relationship. The single factor that predicts success more than any other is whether each person sees their partner as their best friend.
Positive Sentiment Override acts as a buffer. When the friendship is strong, small irritations don't land as attacks. You assume good intent and give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Negative Sentiment Override flips that entirely. When the overall feeling in a relationship has turned negative, even a two-minute phone call can start a fight. It's not the event. It's the lens you're seeing it through.
Letting your partner influence you is one of the most important friendship habits in a relationship. Making decisions that affect both of you without genuine, fair negotiation slowly erodes trust and connection.
Expressing appreciation frequently matters more than most people realise. Negative interactions hit harder than positive ones, so the ratio needs to stay high: around five positive interactions for every one negative.
Turning towards your partner in small everyday moments, laughing at their jokes, acknowledging what they say, validating their view, is what keeps friendship alive between the big conversations.

Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support building a calmer, stronger, more connected relationship:
Visit AngerSecrets.com
Book a free 30-minute phone call
Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through five practical steps for rebuilding a relationship after a separation caused by anger. Whether you're the one who's just watched your partner walk out, or you're months into a separation and wondering if there's any way back, this episode gives you a clear, honest roadmap for what comes next.
Rather than offering empty reassurances or quick fixes, Alastair is direct about what real reconciliation actually requires, from both people. And the good news is that when the work is done properly, what comes out the other side is often something stronger than what existed before.
Key Takeaways:
Dealing with your anger has to come first. If anger isn't genuinely addressed, nothing else in the relationship can be repaired. Your partner knows it, and deep down, you probably do too.
Accepting responsibility means understanding the full impact of your behavior on the people you love. Most people with anger issues don't realise how deep that impact goes until they stop and truly look.
Letting your partner take the lead on when to reestablish contact is essential. Rushing this step often does more damage. Some couples wait months, and that's okay.
Words alone won't rebuild trust. Your partner needs to see real evidence of change, consistently, in small unplanned moments over time — not just when things are easy.
The goal isn't to go back to the relationship you had. It's to build something new, something that couldn't exist before because the work hadn't been done yet.

Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support rebuilding your relationship and managing your anger for good:
Visit AngerSecrets.com
Book a free 30-minute phone call
Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Anger in a relationship doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. But without the right tools, the same arguments keep happening, the same damage keeps building — and eventually, something breaks. In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares four practical things you can start doing this week to change the way anger shows up in your relationship.
In this solo episode, Alastair walks you through four key areas, from understanding your triggers to remembering you and your partner are on the same team, giving you a clear, actionable roadmap for lasting change.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding your anger triggers is the foundation. But without knowing what sets you off, those triggers run the show without you
Talking openly about issues before they build is the difference between a conversation and an explosion. A weekly relationship check-in is a simple tool that makes this possible
Stress and anger are directly linked. Managing your stress levels outside the relationship directly reduces conflict inside it
Most arguments feel like battles because we're trying to win. Shifting from "convince" to "understand" is where real resolution lives
Both people in a conflict have valid perspectives. Seeking to understand your partner's view almost always leads them to seek yours in return.

If anger has been damaging your relationship, this episode gives you four clear places to start, and the perspective to make them stick.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle
angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System