Launching Your Daughter

In today's episode, Nicole shares the changing of the podcast and future of Soulfilled Sisterhood. To stay informed please go to www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com and sign up for the newsletter. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and feedback along this journey. Moving forward in bringing women together and how they are impacting our future generation of girls.

Today's guest is Stuart Fensterheim, a licensed clinical social worker, blogger, author and podcast host. He is located in Scottsdale, AZ. Stuart is a couples expert which means he works with couples having difficulty feeling close and connected to one another. He assist them in finding ways to deepen their relationship by understanding and sharing what each persons needs in the relationship. In today's episode we are going to discuss divorce and how parents can navigate this with their teens. 
If you need parenting support or wanting to reclaim your inner knowing I invite you to go to www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep72
What you will learn in today's episode:
Stuart shares his personal journey of experiencing divorce as a child and how he became a couples counselor,
Emotional connection can make or break a relationship
Changing one couple can positively impact the future generations
Stuart shares his belief about how marriages can be saved He defines a "relationship injury" and the repair work
How parents navigate going through a divorce with their children
Have to do it without blaming the partner
Remind your children they are not responsible for the divorce
Depends on age of child and how much you share
Parents have a conversation prior to speaking to children and create a plan
Children may not have questions immediately Grieving is part of the process
Parents "this is the time to use your resources"-other adults as support vs your children
When parent begins to date again, ready to introduce your children to new person do in a neutral location
Your daughter doesn't have to choose between loving you or their other parent-she gets to love you both
Father and daughter relationship can become stronger if there is a divorce
Life can be beautiful-do the inner work
Stuart's Information:  www.thecouplesexperts.com Couples Expert Podcast:  http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts/ YouTube Channel: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/video-blog/

In today's episode I discuss the difference between praise and encouragement, discouraging statements and self-reflection. Being a teenager can be challenging because they are wanting to feel accepted, step into their own identity but are still trying out new behaviors or beliefs, and wanting to feel successful and that they are enough. Parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors can role-model encouragement to improve self-esteem and use language that supports the teens in their life.
I invite you to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated and receive other parenting tips or information about upcoming events at www.LaunchingYourDaughter.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep71
In this episode you will learn: What discouragement can look like or sound like from your teen daughter Praise vs encouragement language PCIT-Parent-Child Interactive Therapy for parents of young children and how labeled praises is encouraging for compliance vs good or bad child Family meetings episode 2-help in decision making process Reflecting on what your expectations are for your teenager-overly ambitious which reinforces she is not enough or accepting her where she is Previous conversation with Neil Brown PhD (episode 58)-power struggles and faith in your child Comparing your children to one another or other teens-creates self-doubt, sense of unworthiness Exploring your own values and hers-check out episode one Encouraging her effort and improvement Focus on her strengths vs only focusing on the negative behaviors Stating what you appreciate about them (in any relationship) Embracing being imperfect as a teen and parent Examples of encouraging statements Build self-esteem: give them responsibility, have faith in them, s how appreciation for what they are doing at home, ask them for suggestions and feedback about family decisions, help them accept mistakes they made-episode 32 discussion with Lisa Damour, PhD reflect on her progress and process look at positive expectations without rescuing Reframing, zooming out, and helping her with different possible perspectives Parents reflect on how do you encourage yourself?

My guest today is Lisa Marchiano, is a licensed clinical social worker and Jungian Analyst. She has a private practice located in Philadelphia, PA and works with adults struggling with depression, anxiety, relationships issues, past traumas and grief and loss. She likes to work with myth, dreams and fairytales in her practice.
If you need parenting support or wanting to reclaim your inner knowing I invite you to go to www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep70
Myths, fairytales and archetypes:
Lisa discusses what it is to be a Jungian analyst
Jung stated we don't stop growing psychology-it is a life long journey
Lisa shares her experience of being a mother and doing Jungian training
Parenting has its challenges and it can help parents continue to grow
Why self-care is important for mothers
Self-care can help mothers staying connected to themselves
Motherhood can increase creativity
Giving yourself permission to set time aside for creative outlet
Can help you focus more vs trying to make the situation perfect
Role models to children
Creativity can feed our soul
Split off from creativity due to motherhood
Lisa shares how Rumpelstiltskin fairytale mirrors splitting off part of self and reintegration
How JK Rowling's childhood experience with her dad impacted her creativity and relationships Stories that were created from ancestors and challenging them
Can nurture your creativity and children
Changing from "either/or" to "both/and" language
Being mindful of not making your children the excuse for not practicing self-care, staying connected to self or pursuing your dreams
When we don't make time for ourselves it can increase feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and depression

In today's episode I am going to discuss family roles and how your teenagers can challenge them. Before I get into this I want to share a movie I watched recently called Tommy's Honour. It is based on true facts regarding a father (Tom Morris) and his son (Tommy Morris) in the late 1800's in Scotland. These two men are credited with being pioneers of professional golf. Tom wanted Tommy to take over the business of being greens keeper and the club and ball maker when he died. Tommy wanted to play golf and challenged not only his family role but unwritten rules of social class. Tommy and his father had various conflicts when his dad attempted to remind him of his role or place in life. Tommy not only changed professional golfers being paid fairly, but role modeled not letting prejudice or old beliefs systems stop him from loving the woman he married. Margaret (Tommy's wife) had gotten pregnant out of wedlock and was banned from her church and Tommy's mother wanted him to "never see her again" when she discovered this information. Tommy went against his mother's advice and the towns. Toward the end of the movie, Tom makes a decision for his son vs allowing his adult son to make the choice himself, and it had a heartbreaking impact on Tommy. Tommy showed his Dad how we can love through the biases, not live to get other people's approval and forgive others when they have made mistakes. In episode 65 Julie Hanks briefly mentioned if a family has an identity such as a 'sports family' and your daughter doesn't like sports. In episode 49 I discussed how a psychotherapy conference earlier this impacted me and my hope for parents and caregivers are to stay curious and seek to understand the teen girls in their life ways vs dismissing or discouraging them. I am a big movie lover and have watched thousands of movies over my lifetime. I know there are other movies that demonstrate choosing to be different or standing up to challenge beliefs systems may not make you the most popular person in your family or your community, but not letting fear stop you from doing what you believe in. Parents and caregivers, I encourage you to pause and give yourself permission to explore what you think and feel when that teen girl in your life challenges the family or societal roles. Stay curious with her and seek to understand why it is important to her, what she wants from being an artist, engineer, athlete, or whatever she desires. Being beside her, owning your own fears without projecting them onto her, can help you stay a team vs placing the "issue' in between your relationship. I invite you to invest in yourself through my coaching services at www.NicoleBurgessCoaching.com or find the show notes www.NicoleCBurgess.com/ep69