Insight of the Week

Rabbi Joey Haber

Religión y espiritualidad Judaísmo

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5 de 27

You’re Not Bearing the Burden Alone (From 2022)
Parashat Naso includes birkat kohanim – the special blessing with which the kohanim are commanded to bless the rest of the nation. The first portion of this berachah is: יברכך ה' וישמרך – "G-d shall bless you and protect you" (6:24). Rashi explains this to mean that Hashem should bless us with material prosperity, and then protect it for us. Normally, Rashi writes, when a person gives his fellow a gift, the giver's involvement ends the moment the gift is given. It is now entirely up to the recipient to do with the gift what he wants, and to take care of it. It can be stolen, it can be misused, it can be damaged, it can be lost, it can end up causing harm in some way. The kohanim bless the people that Hashem will not only give them money and possessions, but also protect these gifts for them. Hashem does not leave us after giving us a gift. He stays with us, guarding it and protecting it. We've all received many gifts. Our spouse, our children, our homes, our careers or businesses, our friends, our community – everything we have is a gift from Hashem. And, as we all know, these gifts can often be difficult to handle. Raising children in today's day and age is very, very hard, and fraught with challenges. Full-time jobs are often very demanding, and take up our entire day. Every businessman knows how much stress and pressure is involved in running a business. Our close-knit community is wonderful, but with so many people knowing each other and working with one another, complicated and uncomfortable situations arise. We have so many blessings, but with those blessings come numerous challenges. This is particularly felt when one is privileged to make a simchah , like marrying off a child. Nowadays, the logistics involved in making a wedding are overwhelming. There are so many details that need to be ironed out, so many different people that we are trying to please, accommodate, and avoid offending, and so many different pieces that need to fit into the puzzle. What should be the happiest time in our lives can easily become the most stressful time. We need to remember that Hashem stays with us after giving us a gift. He doesn't just hand it to us and go away. We are not shouldering the burden by ourselves. Whatever it is that we're struggling with, we must realize that we are not alone. Hashem is by our side, carrying the weight of the responsibility with us. Once we realize this, and we turn to Him in prayer and ask for His help, the burden becomes so much easier to handle. We will then be able to truly enjoy and cherish all the blessings in our lives, without seeing them turn into sources of stress and hardship.
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Sacrifice for Torah
The Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot (6:4) teaches: כך היא דרכה של תורה: פת במלח תאכל ומים במשורה תשתה ועל הארץ תישן וחיי צער תחיה ובתורה אתה עמל . This is the way of Torah: You eat bread with salt, you drink water in rations, you lie on the ground, and you live a life of distress – and you toil in Torah. At first glance, the Mishnah is telling us that the Torah requires us to live in abject poverty. But this is clearly not the case. While it is true that many great Rabbis were very poor, many others were wealthy. And most were somewhere in the middle between very poor and very rich. Certainly, most Torah scholars today sleep in comfortable beds, not on the floor, and eat far more than bread with salt. What, then, does this Mishnah mean? The answer brings us back seven weeks – to the celebration of Pesach. The Alter of Kelm raises the question of why Hashem needed to rush Beneh Yisrael out of Egypt so frantically, such that their dough didn't have time to rise, and they ended up baking matzah. They spent hundreds of years in Egypt – they couldn't stay there an extra half-hour so they could have proper bread? Why did Hashem find it necessary to have them chased out so quickly? The Alter of Kelm answered that this was necessary to teach us a vitally important lesson – that in order to succeed as Hashem's nation, we need to be prepared to eat "matzah," to sacrifice luxuries, to live with just the basics. The Torah demands מסירות נפש – self-sacrifice. In order to excel as a Torah Jew, a person needs to be prepared to forego comforts and luxuries, and to show his commitment even when the circumstances are far less than ideal. This is the meaning of the Mishnah. It is not telling us that we need to suffer in order to live a Torah life. Rather, it is telling us that we must be prepared to sacrifice for Torah, that living a Torah life requires us to do things that are difficult, that are uncomfortable, that are inconvenient, that are unpopular, that are challenging. It is wonderful to attend a Torah class with several hundred other like-minded community members in a comfortable, air-conditioned shul at 8pm when one has a free evening. Every single person who does so should be commended, and I have nothing but praise for all of them. But – this is not how greatness is achieved. One achieves greatness by displaying commitment when it's difficult. When a person maintains his Torah learning schedule even when he's had a very hard day, when he didn't get a good night's sleep, when the material is difficult or the speaker isn't at his best. One achieves greatness when his friends are getting together for an event that he knows is inappropriate, so he does not go. Of course one should learn Torah and perform mitzvot when it's convenient. But in order to fully actualize our potential, we need to be ready to learn Torah and perform mitzvot even when it's not convenient, when it's challenging, when it requires struggle and sacrifice. This is why the Torah was given in a desert – to teach us that we must be committed to Torah even under "desert" conditions, when we don't have our usual comforts and conveniences, when things are difficult. This is how greatness in Torah is achieved. After my father zt"l passed away, we came across one of his books. He owned hundreds upon hundreds of books, but this one was very special. When he was already very sick, he asked for this book, and one of my nephews bought it for him. After he passed away, we saw that the book had been read through – and it had numerous handwritten notes on the margins. On some pages, there were stains of blood, apparently from the times when he learned the book after receiving an injection or IV infusion in his hand. This is what the Mishnah was talking about. This is מסירות נפש for Torah – learning Torah intensely even when this is challenging. Of course there is nothing wrong with learning under comfortable conditions, in a comfortable room, with heat or air conditioning, when we are well fed, after a good night's sleep, feeling healthy, and in good spirits. But in order to truly excel, we must be prepared to devote ourselves to Torah even when we find ourselves in a "desert," in difficult circumstances. As Shavuot approaches, let us all choose one thing we are willing to do for Torah even though it is difficult, one challenge we are willing to take upon ourselves for Torah. We will then be able to truly say that we earned the great privilege of standing on Shavuot morning and receiving the Torah from Hashem anew.
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Unconditional Love
The Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot (5:16) teaches: כל אהבה שהיא תלויה בדבר – בטל דבר, בטלה אהבה . ושאינה תלויה בדבר, אינה בטלה לעולם . Any love that is dependent on something – once that thing is gone, the love is gone; but [love] that is not dependent on anything will never be gone. As an example of אהבה התלויה בדבר – love that is dependent on something – the Mishnah points to the story of Amnon and Tamar, two children of David Ha'melech. They were half-brother and half-sister, and Amnon desired Tamar. After satisfying his lust, he then despised her. Amnon's love for Tamar did not last. As the paradigm of אהבה שאינו תלויה בדבר , the Mishnah mentions אהבת דוד ויהונתן – the special bond between David and Yehonatan – the son of Shaul, who was king before David. Their love endured forever. Let us examine these different kinds of love. Sometimes, a person loves somebody because of some feature, because of some quality, because of something that the other individual provides. For some, it is the person's good looks and physical attractiveness. For others, it might be the person's income, or his or her coming from a wealthy family. A person might love someone because that other person is intelligent or funny, or has some talent. The problem with these models of love is that the love is תלויה בדבר , it is dependent on a specific factor. Once the person's appearance changes, or when the wealth isn't there anymore, or the personality changes somewhat, or the skills and talents aren't quite what they used to be, then the love is gone. The paradigm of this kind of love is Amnon's "love" for Tamar. He didn't really love her; he loved himself, and he wanted to use her for his gratification. And so once he got what he wanted, there was no longer any connection. The love was gone. The greatest example of the opposite kind of love, of אהבה שאינה תלויה בדבר , is the love between David and Yehonatan. These are two people who stood in each other's way. Yehonatan was the king's son, and the heir apparent to the throne, whereas David was anointed by the prophet as Shaul's successor. Each blocked the other's road to the kingship. They loved each other despite the fact that each threatened the other's pursuit of fame and glory. This love was true and genuine, and was not conditioned on any benefit that each party sought to gain from the relationship. And so it was enduring, unable to ever be broken. The strongest marriage is one where the husband and wife feel 100 percent safe in the relationship, where neither is concerned the relationship will be threatened that if they do this or don't do that. If the relationship is based on factors such as looks or income, then it isn't safe, because they know it could be lost once the looks or the earnings aren't what they once were. A marriage is strong when the husband and wife feel safe and secure with each other, confident that nothing can ever undermine the love between them. And this how children should feel toward their parents, as well. There is a saying that a good parent is one whose children all feel the most loved, where each child feels he or she is loved more than the others. I strongly disagree. I don't think it's good for any child to feel that the parents love him or her more than the others. This is an arrogant feeling. In my opinion, the greatest parent is the one who makes each child feel that he or she will never be loved less than any other child, that nothing could ever cause the parent to love another child more. A child needs to feel that the love is entirely unconditional, and אינה תלויה בדבר – not dependent on anything, not on grades, not on helping around the house, not on religious observance, not on being accepted to a particular school or yeshiva, not on professional or financial success, not on whom he or she marries, and not only how his or her children behave. The greatest parents are those whose love for their children is אינה תלויה בדבר , and whose children feel that this love is אינה תלויה בדבר . This is what every child needs, more than anything – to feel safe with his parents, to know that his parents will always be there for him and will always love him, no matter what he does. This kind of unconditional love is described by a pasuk Shir Hashirim (8:7): מים רבים לא יוכלו לכבות את האהבה ונהרות לא ישטפוה, אם יתן איש כל הון ביתו באהבה בוז יבוזו לו. This pasuk speaks of a level of love that is like a fire which can never be extinguished, not even with powerful streams of water, and that if someone would offer the person a fortune in exchange for this love, he would be ridiculed, because it is so clear that the love is worth far more than anything money can buy. Parents should strive to have their children feel this way toward them, to make them feel safe and secure, knowing that their parents love them unconditionally, and nothing will ever threaten this relationship.
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The Intelligence of Respect (From last year 2024)
We are currently observing the period of sefirat ha'omer , when we refrain from festive celebrations and from haircutting and shaving, as we mourn the tragic death of Rabbi Akiva's thousands of students. The Gemara (Yevamot 62b) famously teaches that Rabbi Akiva's students died as a punishment for their failure to treat each other with proper respect: שלא נהגו כבוד זה בזה . The obligation to treat people with respect is exceedingly difficult – far more difficult than we tend to think. Elsewhere, in Masechet Nedarim (81a), the Gemara makes the observation that many Torah scholars have children who do not follow their father's example, and do not become Torah scholars themselves. The Gemara proceeds to bring several possible reasons why this is so. One reason, offered by Rav Ashi, is striking. Rav Ashi said: משום דקרו לאינשי חמרי – "Because they call people 'donkeys'." According to Rav Ashi, many great Rabbis are not worthy of having children who become great Rabbis because they look down on other people, and they treat them like "donkeys." I find this Gemara very frightening. I find it frightening because there is no question that the Rabbis described by the Gemara did not intend to treat people like "donkeys." If we are aware of the obligation to treat people with respect, then obviously great Rabbis are also aware of this mitzvah . But many of them are still guilty of treating others like "donkeys" without realizing it. Why? The answer is that when somebody is good at something, when he is accomplished in any area, it is so easy for him to look down on, and to disrespect, other people who aren't as good as he is in that area. If a person is an accomplished Torah scholar, it is so easy for him to look down on people who aren't Torah scholars. If a person is a successful businessman with lots of money, it is so easy for him to look down on people who earn a modest livelihood and live simply. When a person excels in some professional field, it is so easy for him to look down on people who aren't familiar with his field. Treating people with respect does not come naturally. It is a skill that we need to learn and develop. It requires thought and effort. King Shlomo instructs us in Mishleh (3:4), ומצא חן ושכל טוב בעיני אלוקים ואדם – "And find favor and sound wisdom in the eyes of G-d and man." This means that finding favor in people's eyes requires שכל טוב – a good deal of intelligence. We need to be smart. We need to think carefully and understand how people work. And we need to be aware of ourselves, of our tendency to feel superior to others, so we can resist this tendency. There is also another reason why the Gemara says that some outstanding scholars treat others like "donkeys." When a person strives for greatness, he might feel entitled to knock over other people in the process. If a person is ambitious and does great things, he could forget about the basic, simple things. He might not take the time to give people his attention and to extend himself to help them. In other words, a person who is preoccupied with being great might neglect being good. This, too, requires שכל טוב , wisdom and intelligence. Of course we must pursue greatness – but with the שכל טוב to remember to be not just great, but good, that the amazing things we're involved in do not absolve us of our basic obligations toward other people. During this period of sefirat ha'omer , let us try to develop this שכל טוב , the wisdom to treat all people with respect, no matter who they are.
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We Are Meant To Soar (From 2022)
A fable is told of an egg in an eagle's nest high in the branches of a towering tree, that fell out of the nest and landed in the middle of a chicken coup. It soon hatched, and a baby eagle emerged. The baby bird looked around, saw the other chickens, and naturally figured that it, too, was a chicken. It realized that its wings looked much different, but it was raised among the chickens and acted just as chickens act. It ate chicken feed and ran around the coup, without flying. Then, one day, its mother swooped down from the skies into the chicken coup. It saw its baby, and told it to get onto its back. "Why?" the baby eagle asked. "I live here in the chicken coup." "This isn't where you belong," the mother eagle said. "You're not meant to be here. You're meant to fly, to soar to the heavens." The baby eagle had no idea what the mother was talking about. It never imagined that it could fly to the sky. Finally, the mother convinced the baby to get onto its back. The mother flew to a mountain peak, and told the baby to get off. It then told the baby to flap its wings, and start to fly. The Mishna in Pirkeh Avot (6:2) tells that every day, a voice is sounded from Mount Sinai, exclaiming, אוי להם לבריות מעלבונה של תורה – "Woe unto those creatures, who disgrace the Torah ." This heavenly voice bemoans the fact that so many people neglect the Torah, filling their time instead with other, vain pursuits. The Mishna applies to such people the verse in the Book of Mishleh (11:22), נזם זהב באף חזיר – "A gold ring in the nose of a pig." We were given the Torah, which is more precious than the most expensive piece of gold jewelry. We were given the opportunity to soar to the greatest heights, to achieve greatness, to live meaningful, spiritual lives, to live lives of kedushah . If we waste our time on vanity, then we are like someone who is given a piece of gold jewelry and puts it on a pig. Parashat Kedoshim begins, דבר אל כל עדת בני ישראל ואמרת אליהם קדושים תהיו – "Speak to the entire congregation of Beneh Yisrael, and say to them: You shall be holy." Moshe was to tell כל עדת בני ישראל , the entire nation, every single person among the Jewish People, that they are meant to be sacred. We are all meant to soar. We are all meant to be great. We are like that baby eagle in a chicken coup. All around us, people aren't "flying." They're spending their time on social media, watching all kinds of videos, playing games, and being glued to their screens. This is the society we live in, but this is not the way we are supposed to live. We are supposed to soar, to live at a much higher standard, to fill our time and our lives with meaning, with purpose, with רוחניות (spirituality), with kedushah . We aren't supposed to act like "chickens," to occupy ourselves with vanity. Let us hear the call of קדושים תהיו , and make the commitment to be better, to avoid the distractions, to avoid the nonsense, so we can soar to the great heights that we are meant to reach.
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