Being Human

Avoidance looks like not wanting people. It's almost always the opposite: wanting connection so badly that being seen feels like the biggest risk of all.
In this episode, Dr. Greg explores avoidant personality patterns through the lens of Catholic anthropology—where the quiet tug-of-war between longing to be known and fearing rejection comes from, and how the difference between what happens in us and what we choose opens a path toward freedom.
Key Topics:
Why "I just need my space" can be a wall dressed up as a boundary
How a childhood full of real love—not neglect—can still teach you that being seen means being blamed
Why avoidant personality isn't the same as avoidant attachment, even though they share a name
What the text you rewrite four times before sending is actually protecting you from
Why even your anger can be an imitation of Christ, not something to hide
How the difference between what "happens" in you and what you choose to do can pull you out of hiding
Learn More:
Previous episode on attachment theory: Ep. #63: Attachment Theory: What It Is, What It Isn't, and How It Affects Your Relationships

Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens
Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski

Person and Act: St. John Paul II's (Karol Wojtyła's) philosophical work on the acting person, referenced in this episode
Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns

Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation

Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation

Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing

Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary

Got a Question for Dr. Greg? Have a topic suggestion? Want to share your thoughts? Email us at beinghuman@catholicpsych.com—we'd love to hear from you!
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Getting it all off your chest is supposed to be healing. But sometimes the venting that feels like relief is quietly feeding your resentment instead. In this episode, Dr. Greg sits down with Fr. Gregory Pine—author of Training the Tongue—to explore why the deepest purpose of speech is communion, and how to tell the difference between working through your pain and simply settling the score.
Key Topics:
Why the real purpose of speech isn't expressing yourself — it's communion
How to tell whether you're venting toward healing or just venting to settle the score
Why the friend who only ever agrees with you might be the one holding you back
What separates a listener who helps you grow from one who only feeds your anger
Why "getting it off your chest" can leave the wound exactly where it was
How custody of the tongue is good news, not one more rule to feel guilty about
Learn More:
Fr. Gregory Pine's book: Training the Tongue and Growing Beyond Sins of Speech
Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens
Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski

Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns

Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation

Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation

Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing

Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary

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Your prayer life can be how you avoid healing. In this final episode of the antisocial series, Dr. Greg unpacks why a retreat high or a powerful devotional moment can convince you the healing is done — when the actual work hasn't started yet, and why that work happens in the small, unglamorous moments nobody puts on a holy card. 
Key Topics:
Why the most moving retreat of your life can leave you exactly the same — and what actually changes you
What "magical penance" reveals about the parts of us that prefer grand gestures to real repair
Why healing happens in what you do on an ordinary Tuesday, not in the moments when everything breaks open
How a soft heart and a defenseless heart are not the same thing — and why that distinction changes everything
Why the urge to be "healed already" is itself a form of the pattern you're trying to change
Why re-hardening after you've opened up isn't failure — it's part of doing the reps
Learn More:
Earlier in this series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Antisocial Part 1 — Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
Antisocial Part 2 — Ep. #282: You're (Probably) Not a Serial Killer—But You May Share Some of Their Antisocial Traits
Antisocial Part 3 — Ep. #283: "I Will Never Be Hurt Again": How Jesus' Sacred Heart Breaks the Cycle

The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen — the book Dr. Greg references on accompaniment and the standard of showing up, not being healed
Person and Act by Karol Wojtyła (Pope St. John Paul II)
Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyła (Pope St. John Paul II)
Previous episode on boundaries: Ep. #254: Navigating "Toxic" Relationships: Setting Boundaries Without Losing Charity

Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation

Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation

Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing

Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary

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A hardened heart isn't where the story starts. It's what's left after a child trusted, got hurt, and concluded: I'll never be in that position again. This week, Dr. Greg turns the antisocial series toward hope: looking at how that hardness forms, and how the Sacred Heart of Jesus, betrayed and pierced yet still open, breaks the pattern.
Key Topics:
Why a hardened heart is never cold by nature—it's protection learned the first time trusting backfired
Why the urge to control everyone around you is really an old strategy for never being at anyone's mercy again
How "making up for it" can quietly become a way to avoid facing the wound underneath
Why Jesus didn't heal the hardened heart from a safe distance—He walked straight into betrayal and stayed open
What it means that control isn't the enemy; where you aim it is what changes everything
Why healing means loving even the parts of you that sin, not just the parts that behave
Why you can't will yourself into trust overnight—and why that slowness reflects your dignity, not your failure
Learn More:
Earlier in this series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Antisocial Part 1 — Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
Antisocial Part 2 — Ep. #282: You're (Probably) Not a Serial Killer—But You May Share Some of Their Antisocial Traits

The Litany for Mental Health Dr. Greg references: A Litany for Mental Health
The original Sacred Heart revelations: The Autobiography of Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque
Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation

Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation

Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing

Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary

Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment
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You're probably not a serial killer. But the patterns that shape one run through all of us, at lower volume. In this episode, Dr. Greg traces antisocial patterns back to their source in everyday life — how we manage people, pray, and protect ourselves from being hurt again.
Key Topics:
Why the patterns that define serial killers aren't limited to serial killers — and how to see yourself honestly in that mirror
How omnipotent control can look like loyalty, competence, or even holiness — and what it's protecting underneath
What "magical penance" looks like when atonement becomes a form of control instead of real repair
Why prayer can become negotiation with God — and why that's a subtle form of magical thinking
How the "hardened heart" of Scripture isn't just Pharaoh — it's any wall quietly built against trust
How to meet the controlling parts of yourself with compassion instead of condemnation
Learn More:
Previous episode in the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns

Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla (Pope St. John Paul II)
Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation

Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation

Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing

Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary: Why Real Change Happens through Love not Willpower

Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment
 
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