Being Human

Does a priest ever grieve the family he gave up? Fr. Luke Joseph Leighton answers that question, and explains why he'd say yes again.
Today, Dr. Greg Bottaro sits down in person with Fr. Luke, the friend he entered the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal with 22 years ago. Fr. Luke shares how the son of a Jewish father and a Catholic mother became a Franciscan priest, how his grandmother, who fled Nazi Germany as a child, came to bless his vocation, and what celibacy, poverty and obedience have actually cost him. Then they take on what Fr. Luke hears in the confessional about online outrage and the Church.
Fr. Luke is a priest of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal. Raised in Red Bank, New Jersey, he entered the Church at 15 after a conversion in high school. He spent fifteen years serving with the friars in New York City, including at Saint Anthony's Shelter for Renewal and Cardinal Spellman High School, and was ordained by Cardinal Dolan at St. Patrick's Cathedral in 2013. He is a trained spiritual director through the Institute for Priestly Formation.
FOLLOW FR. LUKE:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0CmGPiEwgLZUVhJvcqFecA
Franciscan Friars of the Renewal: https://cfr-newmexico.com/
DR. GREG'S BOOKS:
The Power of Listening Well: https://sophiainstitute.com/product/the-power-of-listening-well/
The Personalist Cure (join the waitlist): https://catholicpsych.com/personalistcure
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Free Anxiety Languages Quiz: https://catholicpsy.ch/quiz
WATCH NEXT:
A Bishop's Raw Story of Anxiety and Depression: https://youtu.be/yNdAMIQblDU

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
▸ Mother Mary Francis, PCC, A Right to Be Merry
▸ Fr. Brett Brannen, To Save a Thousand Souls
▸ Viktor Frankl and St. Maximilian Kolbe
▸ Henri Nouwen on the three temptations of Christ
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CHAPTERS:
00:00:00 Intro
00:03:20 Growing up with a Jewish father and a Catholic mother
00:13:28 His grandmother, a Holocaust survivor, blesses his vocation
00:21:31 Viktor Frankl, St. Maximilian Kolbe and finding meaning in suffering
00:27:45 What the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience really cost
00:34:06 Do priests grieve the family they gave up?
00:41:35 What marriage and religious life teach each other
00:53:10 Is celibacy running away from marriage?
00:59:33 His parents' divorce and his conversion story
01:12:14 How celibacy changes over a lifetime
01:18:54 Spiritual fatherhood and when ministry becomes an idol
01:28:59 Sitting in desolation on a retreat for Mother Teresa's sisters
01:39:06 What a priest hears in confession today
01:43:50 Catholic YouTube, outrage and influencers
01:58:52 Authority, obedience and staying in the Church
#CatholicPsychology #Celibacy #CatholicPriest #CatholicMentalHealth #CatholicTherapist

If you're serious about marriage, you're supposed to take every date seriously. But walk into a first date asking whether this is the person God is calling you to marry, and you'll crush it before it starts. Dating isn't a test you pass. It's a discernment you learn by doing.
To celebrate 300 episodes of Being Human, Dr. Greg revisits the third of our three most-listened-to episodes: his conversation with Dr. Mario Sacasa about dating well, and how Dr. Greg had to stop worrying about what his dates thought of him before he could really see them.
Key Topics:
Why treating a first date like a lifetime decision is the fastest way to crush it
Why sharing the same faith doesn't automatically make you compatible
Why constant fighting over small things isn't a cross God is asking you to carry
What a first date can reveal about narcissism: who does the talking, and how they treat the waiter
Why ghosting feels like kindness but is really a failure of courage
Why you can't really see your date until you stop worrying about what they think of you
Why a relationship that ends can still be a success
Learn More:
Dr. Mario Sacasa's resources: Dating Well, his online course for Catholic singles and couples
Always Hope, the podcast hosted by Dr. Mario
More from Dr. Mario at drmariosacasa.com

Watch Dr. Greg's 7 Catholic Rules for Online Dating That Actually Work
The Coddling of the American Mind by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt
Pew Research Center: Key takeaways on Americans' views of and experiences with dating and relationships
Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261 Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary
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When it's tough, you just work harder. Bishop James Conley lived by that rule until it cost him his sleep and his joy. What finally brought him back wasn't trying harder. It was surrender.
For the second of our three most-listened-to episodes, Dr. Greg revisits his conversation with Bishop Conley about asking the Pope's representative for a leave of absence, and what he gained by being willing to lose it all.
Key Topics:
Why "just try harder" can deepen anxiety and depression instead of curing them
Why the hardest part of asking for help can be the fear that you'll never be trusted again
Why the more you have to lose, the harder it is to be honest about what you're carrying
Why believing you're the only one struggling is what keeps you struggling alone
Why the answer to an anxious generation may be more play, not more screens
Why your weakness, not your talent, may be where God works most powerfully
Learn More:
Pastoral letters by Most Reverend James D. Conley, STL, Bishop of Lincoln: A Future with Hope (on mental health)
The Joy and Wonder of Catholic Education: Developing Authentically Catholic Schools

Resources recommended by Bishop Conley: Surrender Novena
The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
Catechesis of the Good Shepherd
Catholic Medical Association
Catholic Healthcare Leadership Alliance
Familiaris Consortio (The Christian Family in the Modern World) 
Ex Corde Ecclesiae (On Catholic Universities)

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Which anxiety language do you speak? To celebrate 300 episodes of Being Human, we're bringing back one of your all-time favorites. Dr. Greg walks through the five anxiety languages (reactive, activated, minimizing, withdrawing, and impulsive) and shows why none of these parts is the enemy. Once they're let off the hook, they can become gifts.
Key Topics:
Why snapping at people, staying busy, or shrugging "this is fine" can all be anxiety, even if you'd never call yourself anxious
Why being "always on" can pass for ambition when it's really running from an inner voice that says you'll fail
Why pulling back and procrastinating are often your nervous system bracing for a threat, not laziness
How anxiety can look like ADHD: the half-organized closet, the car you can't drive, the bathroom you never finished
How each part, once it's let off the hook, can become alertness, motivation, peace, or spirit-led creativity
Learn More:
What's your primary anxiety language? Take the free Anxiety Languages Quiz: https://catholicpsy.ch/quiz
Catholic Mindfulness Virtual Retreat: eight weeks of daily videos to help you work with your anxiety language
Blog article: Is Mindfulness Safe for Catholics to Practice? 
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens
Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski

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It's pretty wild: Being Human has reached episode 300. Dr. Greg gathered his friends to celebrate, and the celebration quietly became an example of what this show has been saying all along — being human can't be done alone.
Dr. Greg is joined by Dr. Bryan Violette and his wife Teresa, along with Dr. Gerard McNicholas, to look back on 300 episodes of the podcast. Then a simple question about Teresa's new hobby opens into something far more personal, and gives a first taste of what comes next: Being Human Together.
Key Topics:
Why what you start in faith rarely turns out to be what you thought you were building
Why the thing you're most upset about is often standing in for a grief you haven't named yet
How a hobby you'd rather not talk about can be the most honest thing about you right now
Why the people closest to you can sometimes see your grief before you do
Why your favorite song can make you feel completely understood — and strangely alone when you share it
How art slips past the part of you that would rather explain a feeling than feel it
Learn More:
Past episodes remembered in this conversation: Where it all started: Ep. #1: The Beginning
Ep. #225: Humility, Time Travel and Philosophy with Peter Kreeft — Dr. Greg's favorite
Ep. #102: ADHD and Me, w/ Teresa Violette
Ep. #231: Music as Accompaniment: Matt Maher and a Mission to Heal through Song
Ep. #172: A Journey through Faith and Music with John Michael Talbot
Ep. #291: OCPD and Scrupulosity: How the Worship of Rules and Control Leads to the Loneliness of Certainty
Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary: Why Real Change Happens through Love not Willpower

The CatholicPsych Show — the live news show Dr. Greg and Dr. Bryan hosted
Dr. Greg on The Lila Rose Show
St. John Paul II's Letter to Artists
The Personalist Cure by Dr. Greg Bottaro
Missed the Summit of Integration? Catch the replays, including Christopher West's keynote on the Feast of St. John Paul II 
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