Abject Suffering

Shinobi for the PlayStation 2 isn’t a bad game. In fact, Kaye knows that she’s bringing a backdoor WOFF! pick to the show. However, it’s janky and it’s overly difficult because it’s from an era before character action was solved. When we run out of stuff to say about Shinobi, we start brainstorming business ideas to make use of a loophole to get infinite free wood chips… or at least how to use them to inflict them on your enemies.

Road Rash is a weird series because it was once very popular, and now you don’t hear about it. At all. And even the worst version of it, the hideous N64 game, isn’t all that terrible. There’s just something fun about jumping bikes and whipping people with chains. All this hog talk gets us talking about the appeal of motorcycle culture, and Gary’s encounter with an old gearhead at the store. “If it doesn’t have chrome, it’s not a car.”

Magic Boy is another stilted puzzle platformer with that Amiga stink on it. You are some kind of magical boy, and it’s up to you to stun and basement escaped magical animals so even worse things don’t happen. What really matters is that Gary threw a pool party recently, and we got to cavort.

In the DS/Wii/Kinect shovelware bonanza, nothing was off limits, including a Guy Fieri show that was just "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" for dummies. Featuring finicky touch screen control versions of bizarre physical challenges, Minute to Win It for the DS is the bottom of the crop. We also talk about the inscrutable musical act that is Puddles' Pity Party.

Super Morph is a PAL-only puzzle platformer that’s actually pretty neat. A young boy’s neglectful uncle put him into a matter transporter, and now the boy is trapped in flux between different states of matter. He must solve puzzles to find the gears that will fix the machine so he can return to his normal, human form. There are so many 16-bit PAL-only games we never got!
We also discuss the appeal of going dead weight, asking nicely to see airport jail, establishing situational awareness, acquiring paydata, and the rejection of the Order of the Triad Venture Bros. spinoff.